Here’s a question for you;

Would you flip if you knew that your best friend was secretly in love with you this all time?

Well, it could go either way. You could either tell him that you have been waiting for this all weekend long and give him that nice kiss he’s been waiting for so long. Or you could just tell him, "Sorry man, but I think it’ll be better if we stay as friends. 

But what if you’re a guy?

What if your best friend, who you never even suspected to have an inch of queer blood in his body, tells you that he’s madly in love and wants to be more than just your "best friend"?

Don’t lie to me. I know what you’d do. 

You’d kick him in his face.  Worse, you’d yell at him for ’making you queer’. And don’t forget the words that’ll hurt him just as much as it’s gonna hurt me.

"We’re no longer friends. Don’t ever talk with me again."

What would you do then?

******************

My monologue. Kind of nice, isn’t it? Perfectly sums me up in just a few sentences. Yes, I know, it does sound depressing and full of angst. Well, it’s not made up entirely of angst actually. It’s fear. Fear that what happened with my ex-crush, the same person I had an intense, lustful and romantic infatuation towards for months, is going to repeat this time with another person I’d never felt more sure about being in a relationship with.

Yeah, I know. I’m not the emo 14-year old teenager you thought I was. I’m actually 17. Done with school, done with the place that used to be life. Now I’m just curled up in a corner waiting for prom night, the event that everyone’s hyped for except me.

Because the person who I’ve always dreamed to dance with will never dance with me. Ever.

And yeah, it’s not a girl. It’s a guy.

Connor Lee.

If you did think of Jennifer Connolly, well at least there’s one good thing out of that- you’re just like me! Welcome to The League of Gentlemen with Lame Jokes.  

Jokes aside, who’s Connor Lee? My best friend. My everything. The same guy who I keep on denying having feelings for whenever people accuse us of being "more than friends". And yes, he’s my pillar of strength.

For those of you who insist on me telling you about Connor so that you can ship us together in little fan fictions, here’s the thing- his hair is God’s eighth wonder of the world. Add that with his fair-skinned and glowing face as well as his child-like, lean body- he was the perfect definition of a guy.

Oh come on doucheface. Stop getting disgusted over all this. It’s 2017. You seriously think that it’s a shocking thing to you? Grow the hell up. It’s not frickin’ 1997.

Plus, I think it’s kind of sweet that this is coming from the most arrogant guy in the entire school. The guy who finished first in every exam and gloated to everyone else like an ass. And yes, it’s the same guy who’s a sensitive little prick and using the internet to let out his feelings for a person he cares about more than anyone else.

I’m Mark Mangal by the way, in case you didn’t know. Yes, the Mark Mangal. The most popular guy in school. You may know me from saving the morning assemblies from the abyss of boredom with my shouts and jokes. I’m that brown-eyed, tanned and slightly oversized guy.

And yes, I can see through your shock. It’s not everyday that the most popular prefect of the school shocks the whole world with a revelation like this. Then again, it’s not really shocking to those who aren’t reading this because I’ve yet to publicize it.

Because even I’m not sure who I am. I mean, if you get here by just being interested in one gender for your entire life, well then it’s easy for you to classify yourself into one category- either a friend of Dorothy or a heterosexual.

But the thing is, I have fallen for a guy and a girl before. Yes, a girl. The most beautiful girl I’d ever seen, and also the meanest one too.  

And the other guy? Let’s just say he looked exactly like Asher Angel. Only thing different about him was that he was a complete fuckboy who blamed me for  making him "queer". Perhaps that’s why I’m always imagining Connor’s going to act the same way he did.

So what is it then? Am I gay? Bi? Is this just a phase that I’ll grow out of? Or am I doomed to be trapped in this cycle of never knowing what I really am?

Finding answers to those questions are even harder than a history exam. Thankfully I’ve never ever contemplated suicide in the past two years- no matter how difficult and how troublesome life got with Rhett, Audrey or even Connor- though Connor’s never really drove me up the wall like Rhett or Audrey did.

I know you thought that you were reading a sad teen’s post about discovering himself after falling in love for the first time. Well, it’s not. It’s the third time actually. You’re actually in the final chapter of a trilogy that’s driven me crazy from the very beginning.

Well  then, since you’ve reached the very end of my post, it’s only best for me to start from the very beginning about my sad life story. After all, no trilogy is best without a power-packed beginning, isn’t it?

Next Chapter: Chapter I