Chapter 2 The Power Statements

At the heart of the Let It Go process is series of affirmations and questions that will become instinctive thoughts over time, automatic triggers to shepherd your thinking back onto track whenever it veers off course. There’s nothing mystical about committing to these. They become ingrained through repetition. It’s important to stick them up around your house, to remind yourself of them and recite them until they become second nature. It might feel artificial at first, but if you make this practice part of your daily routine Stick them up: By your bed On the fridge On the inside of your front door In the bathroom Lets work through them Repetition is the mother of all skill 

REPETITION IS THE MOTHER OF ALL SKILL Everyone’s heard the expression ‘practice makes perfect.’ The principle holds whether you’re learning to play an instrument, get better at public speaking, or teach yourself how to paint. It’s equally true of thinking. Whatever that voice in your head tells you, again and again, becomes a part of your automatic thought process. This is bad news if you have all sorts of self-critical commentary going on. A steam of thinking that’s feeding a negative view of yourself limits your perception what’s possible and colours your take on what’s true. But you can regain control of the messages you’re sending yourself. By repeating affirmations and thoughts over and over (like practicing mirror-signal-manoeuvre when you learnt to drive or the try and try again of learning to walk as a toddler), your new thought processes will become intrinsic. The key here is not to doubt the process. Don’t start questioning how the statements will help you. Just dive in and eventually, this new way of thinking will sink into your blueprint. If you question it, you’re creating a barrier at a subconscious level and you won’t learn the statements. Approach the exercise with the rote learning tactic you applied at school when you were memorising your times tables. 

 WHERE FOCUS GOES ENERGY FLOWS The more interest and passion you have in something, the more you feed it. When you’re attuned to something, it colours your view of everything. If a guy loves sports, he’ll turn to the sports section of the newspaper first. If someone loves cooking, they’re likely to subscribe to a cookery magazine, pore over the latest recipe books, follow food blogs. All of these actions feed back into the original focus and reinforce their passion. Likewise, imagine a guy is sitting alone in his flat on a dark winter’s night. His flat is cold and dark and he’s alone opening his mail. All the envelopes contain bills and he is worried about whether he can afford to pay them. He may question why he bothers working when he can’t seem to make ends meet. He’s likely to be feeling anxious and stressed. Then suddenly, out of the corner of his eye, he sees blue flashing lights outside. He notices two of the houses opposite him are on fire. He runs outside to see if he can help in any way. He steps outside, sees fire engines, police and ambulances and for the next two hours he helps by offering hot drinks, blankets, food etc. After two hours, when everyone is safe, he feels that in his own way he has helped his neighbours. So consider how’s he feeling afterwards: He’s feeling good right? Where has his previous anxiety gone? It’s been superseded, replaced with a new priority, and as a result, his entire mood and energy has shifted: “Where focus goes, energy flows”. There’s a particular part of your brain called the Reticular Activating System (RAS). It’s used to focus on what the body thinks you want. So, for example, if you begin to lust after a particular type of car, you notice it everywhere. It’s not that the cars weren’t there before, it’s just that you didn’t notice them. If you’re focused on the negative, you’ll feel negative. You will become an expert at seeing the negative in everything because that’s what you are focused on. Zone in on the positive and you’ll begin to see it everywhere. Where your focus goes, your energy will flow, reinforcing the cycle. It’s as simple as that. 

 LET IT GO! This power statement is the mother of them all, and the absolute key to the process. A previous client came on my course. Although I didn’t recognise it initially, his prevailing mood was anger. At the end of the course, he and his wife approached me and told me that his wife had booked them a holiday abroad. ‘Great!’ I said, and he responded: “No, you don’t understand. My wife hasn’t wanted to go on holiday for about 10 years!” When I asked him why he replied: “Because I would always start an argument at the bar or the pool. I was Mr Angry and I would argue with everyone.” He had suffered anger–management issues for many years. He had seen psychologists, counsellors and even a psychiatrist, but nothing had worked. He went on to explain that before the course, if he had seen me on the road and I had “cut him up”, he would have been very confrontational to the point he would have followed me home if necessary to confront me. He said that the Power Statement “Let it go” had been fundamental in his transformation. He no longer loses his temper quickly because through repetition of this statement, it has embedded itself into the subconscious and therefore into his blueprint. He started laughing and said that his friends and family now try to press his buttons to get a reaction out of him, but he has chilled out so much that it just doesn’t work. So, at the end of the course he had changed so much that his wife felt comfortable booking a holiday, knowing that she would relax and enjoy it, rather than being anxious as to when he would lose his temper. I recently heard they have been away on holiday 5 times this year, which is amazing evidence that this process can help all sorts of people with all sorts of different problems. Now, when someone cuts him up, he focuses on the power statement ‘Let It Go’. He’s calmer and more in control as a result. He knows that it is likely that he will catch up to the person who cut him up at the next traffic light and therefore that he hasn’t lost any time. He reasons that the person who cut him up is more likely to be stopped by the police for speeding. In the long run, it hasn’t changed anything in his life directly. They aren’t being disrespectful to him personally, it is just the way they are. 

 LIFE IS NOT AN EMERGENCY Make a mental note to take stock of the atmosphere you sense amongst the people around you for the next week or so. Whether you’re in the office, on your commute or at the school gates, observe how people rush about. They will be talking on their phones, walking hastily past you, looking preoccupied. They are racing to meet a deadline, late for a meeting, stressed, distracted, multitasking. We’ve all become so impatient. Technology has created a culture of instant gratification, and we feel disappointed whenever people (including ourselves) don’t behave with the efficiency of devices. We get frustrated at any sign of time wasting: a relative who takes six rambly sentences to convey information that could fit into one; an overcrowded tube platform that means we have to wait an extra ten minutes to catch a train; a longer than average queue in the coffee shop. The simple act of deciding not to stress over these totally insignificant inconveniences is surprisingly liberating. It’s a way to reclaim a whole load of wasted energy, because that restless, frustrated feeling is totally pointless. It doesn’t make you any more efficient, or focused. You get no more done and your state of mind is only made more jittery and agitated as a result. Let go of it and you’ll feel calmer and less anxious. This will free up your thinking, a sign that your blueprint is beginning to change at a deep level. 

 DOES IT MATTER? This follows on from the previous statement, but it’s a useful one to memorise as it’s a good sense-check whenever you begin to feel your agitation level rise. Stop for a moment and yourself: “Does it matter?” It’s a quick way to regain your sense of humour and perspective, whether you’re in a slow moving line at the till or stuck in traffic. 

 HAPPINESS IS NOT OUTSIDE OF MYSELF We all have an intrinsic understanding of this. Even so, it is one of the hardest statements to grasp. It’s human nature to seek satisfaction in external situations: relationships, experiences (such as holidays), material things from the homes we live in to the clothes we wear. Even when we know that the things on our wish list will offer only fleeting happiness, or distraction, their hold over us is still powerful and the associated wish-granting myth, the idea that when x happens, or when you change y, you’ll finally ‘be happy,’ retains an enormous power over us. So how should you combat this by persuading your brain to recognise that happiness is within? Mantras such as ‘I’m happy,’ or ‘I feel happy,’ just don’t work. Your brain’s bullshit radar goes off immediately. In contrast, the statement ‘Happiness is not outside of myself,’ is less of a affirmation and more of a fact. Even if you don’t feel happy as you recite it, it’s inherently true. You can’t force your mind to accept something you don’t believe, but you can shift your focus by resetting false beliefs and replacing them with true ones. If happiness is not outside yourself, it is within you. How many times have you heard people say: “I’ll be happy when I find a new job”, “I’ll be happy when I find a partner”, or, “Life would be much better if I moved house”. We’ve all repeated variations of these statements this to ourselves. The list is endless. But all of the evidence shows that outside influences and material things have only a minor impact on overall happiness levels. What’s more, this effect is only temporary. The problem with thinking this way is that in doing so, you are giving your power away. You are putting your happiness outside of yourself. You’re sending a message to your blueprint that you will be happy if something (outside of yourself) happens. Your blueprint absorbs this information and abnegates responsibility for your happiness, and you find yourself stuck, in a state of perpetual enui. I love this from the Dr Seuss children’s book Oh! The Places You’ll Go! Essentially, when you decide happiness is outside of yourself, you’re stuck in the waiting place.... ...for people just waiting. Waiting for a train to go or a bus to come, or a plane to go or the mail to come, or the rain to go or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow or the waiting around for a Yes or No or waiting for their hair to grow. Everyone is just waiting. Waiting for the fish to bite or waiting for the wind to fly a kite or waiting around for Friday night or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake or a pot to boil, or a Better Break or a string of pearls, or a pair of pants or a wig with curls, or Another Chance. Everyone is just waiting. NO! That’s not for you!’ Ask yourself, honestly, whether you’re pinning your happiness on something far off, and resolve, now, to reclaim control over it. 

 I’M NOT BETTER THAN YOU, YOU’RE NOT BETTER THAN ME You should have no problem talking to someone who is, for example a millionaire or someone who has a better job than you. Even millionaires and people in high-powered jobs have their own personal struggles and anxieties. We are all human and have emotional “baggage” that is weighing us down. Just because someone else may be wealthier or more successful than you at this moment in time, doesn’t mean they are necessarily happy, nor does it mean they are better than you. Everyone “shits, showers and shaves” no matter what background they come from. The same can be said the opposite way round. You are no better than anyone else either. This will start to make someone who doesn’t feel good enough realise that they are good enough. They are good enough to start moving forward with their lives and to change their blueprint, which will ultimately make them more confident, give them more clarity and be happier in their own skin. I’ll always remember the client who mentioned that this was one of her favourite of the power statements. She used it to transform a situation with a friend who was always dismissing her and subtly but hurtfully putting her down. She began to repeat that statement in her own head whenever she knew she was going to see the person, and found the courage to say to her on a couple of occasions: ‘Don’t talk to me like that,’ and walk away. As a result of the shift in confidence she experienced by internalising this statement, she no longer felt she had to listen to negative comments, and she was able to find the words to explain this to her friend. The friend was shocked and apologised. She now treats herself with more respect. If you don’t value yourself, then others may not value or respect you either. 

 THE OPINIONS OF OTHERS ARE IRRELEVANT. IT’S WHAT I THINK ABOUT MYSELF THAT MATTERS. This attitude is exemplified by what the legendary entrepreneur Warren Buffet terms an ‘inner scorecard,’ and it’s a tricky thing to cultivate. Most of us have a need for affirmation and most of us have an ego that hankers after the good opinion of others. But the point is that when you suffer from self doubt and have a shaky internal sense of your own worth, you won’t believe the 99 people who tell you that you’re wonderful. If you don’t have a high opinion of yourself, it’s not a part of your blueprint, no matter how many people tell you otherwise. If someone compliments you on an outfit you are wearing and you respond with “oh this old thing, I’ve had it ages”. You are subconsciously putting yourself down in front of them. Therefore, who are you undermining? You aren’t respecting yourself, but you aren’t respecting them either. They are giving you a compliment and you are contradicting them. 

 THE ONLY VARIABLE I CAN CONTROL IS MYSELF This simply reflects the fact that you can’t control others. You can’t control their thoughts or their actions. However, changing the way you behave, think and react can lead to powerful shifts in the way that other people feel around you and as a result, can have a tranformative effect even on bad relationships and negative situations that seem insurmountable. Many of us know someone who is controlling. When you look at their thought process, they’re trying to use the blueprint formula in reverse in order to try to change the way other people think. Blueprint → Controlling Act → Desired feeling/ reaction from other person → Changed thinking of other person. This is doomed to fail, as nobody can control the thinking of anybody else. There is no way of controlling the outcome or guaranteeing a reaction from another person, although those who are skilled manipulators may come close. It’s important to remember whenever you feel the need to try to control another person that it’s a sign you’re feeling out of control yourself. Controlling people need to control others in order to feel they have a sense of self-mastery. Even with our own children, we can attempt to guide them, but we can’t control them. The only healthy focus to cultivate is the ability to control ourselves. THE 

PAST DOES NOT EQUAL THE FUTURE If you were to try to navigate your way out of a carpark only using your rear-view mirror, it would only a matter of time before you crash. So why look to the past when you should be focusing on the road in front of you? It’s time to move forward and look straight ahead. Let go of the past (Let it Go) and set your eyes on the future. If you couldn’t remember any of your “baggage” of the past, or you could remember it but it didn’t affect you anymore, how do you think you would feel? Free? Lighter? Less anxious? Well, by practicing these power statements, all the negativity of the past will fade as you focus on the positive (Where Focus Goes Energy Flows). 

 NO-ONE CAN UPSET ME WITHOUT MY PERMISSION. I REFUSE TO GIVE IT So that simply means, in order for someone to get to you, you need to give them permission. No one has a gun to your head. No one is telling you to get upset or forcing you to cry. It’s your choice. You are in charge of the way you react. Once you realise that, it’s a powerful game-changer. You can’t point at someone and blame them for making you upset, as you are the one allowing yourself to get upset. Try this neat trick: make a pointing action with one of your hands. What do you notice about your fingers? Your index finger, and perhaps your thumb, is pointing in front of you, but where are the other fingers? They’re pointing right back at you. By blaming someone else for the way that you’re feeling, you are pointing once at them and three times back towards yourself. You are allowing them to upset you without your permission. You are giving away your power and control. Every time you blame, complain, judge, expect, criticise or assume you are giving away your personal power. We’ll talk abut this more in the How You Think chapter. 

GUARD YOUR MIND This means that you need to protect your mind. You go to the dentist/doctor to work on any health problems, but who do you go to, to sort out your mind? Unless you have the budget for regular therapy, or a doctor’s referral for CBT, or psychiatric services, you have to take care of this yourself. Your mind requires maintenance in the same way your body does in order to function properly. 

 WHAT YOU DO IN ANYTHING, YOU DO IN EVERYTHING Take an example of a person’s behaviour in one situation, and it’s likely to give you a good guide as to how they conduct themselves in general. Take the example of a driver who is in a huge hurry to overtake you (but in reality has not travelled any further than you due to the traffic light being red). If he’s hurrying at traffic lights, then he’s more likely to be in a hurrying at work, and in a heightened, agitated state with his family or partner. That little snippet of behaviour will apply to all aspects of his life. Likewise if someone is a procrastinator, then they will procrastinate in all aspects of their lives, not just one. If someone is an avoider, they’ll avoid new relationships, new job opportunities and put things off all the time. Have a think about how you want to be in general. Focused? Positive? Productive? Then do whatever you need to do to become more like this. 

Next Chapter: Chapter 3 How Do We Think?