Milo’s face looks stressed  he’s standing in the kitchen with his phone to his ear.  His partner Jet stomps past him spitting words like bullets.. “Who is she? ” Their eyes lock as she passes. He knows she’s furious, and she’s got a right to be angry and much more than she knows, thinks Milo, except for this time. Milo puts his fingertip over the phone’s mic. 

“There is no she, I told you I was working late.”

“Who was that?” said Milo’s father on the other end of the call.

“It’s Jet.”

“She seems unhappy.”

“Just a misunderstanding.”  She walks back past carrying Riley their four year old daughter who’s trying to wriggle out of her arms.

“Baby keep your headphones on.”  Jet places the headset back over Riley’s ears and stops in front of Milo just long enough to spit more words.

“You’re a lying piece of filth. Trish saw your car out the front of your work but all the lights in the building were out because you were shagging some slag inside.” She disappears with Riley down the hallway. Milo takes a deep breath.

“I heard that", said his father.  “If you want my advice…”  Milo cuts him short.

“Actually no I don’t. Not right now, because you don’t understand the situation and it’s not even important, because right now the only thing that’s important is that you and the rest of the family get out of L.A. on the first available flight and come straight to New Zealand.”

“What, why?”

“It’s not safe there Dad, nuclear war could kill you all at any time, we don’t know when.”

“Nonsense.”

“The news is saying that the airport is flooded with people trying to get on flights but you can afford a private jet if you can get one, or at least get out of L.A. and drive to Mexico right now as quick as you can.” 

“Oh my god Milo this is the United States, we have the greatest Military in the world. I wouldn’t feel safe anywhere else. Nothing’s going to happen. In fact it should be you coming here instead and getting your life back on track.  You’re approaching your thirties now son, it’s time you started getting your act together, and you know I was talking to a friend from Johns Hopkins last week, he thinks there’s no reason why they wouldn’t accept you into their medical school.”

“No Dad.”

“In just ten years you could be working as a doctor with myself and your siblings at Cedars.”

“I don’t want to be a doctor. And Jet can’t travel to the states with a drug conviction, you know that.”

“So you want to waste your entire life is that it? And you’re still using illicit drugs with her aren’t you Milo.”

“Dad, not on the phone.”

“You know you’ve been a bitter disappointment to your entire family. Hiding yourself away at the bottom of the world, assimilating with white trash.” Milo’s phone indicates a second call.

“Loving my daughter is more than enough reason to stay here Dad. I have an incoming call ok, stay on the line and I’ll be right…” The call to his father ends with disconnected beeping tone. Milo looks dejected. The screen of his phone reads, “Bludgy calling.” He swallows hard then takes a deep breath. “Hey,” said Milo into the phone, doing his best to sound unaffected in any way. 

Bludgy was walking his tall solid frame through Westport’s central business district looking at his reflection in store windows as he went by. His wild black hair reached down to the shoulders of his paint stained overalls and almost obscured the cell phone he was holding against his ear. As three young men pass by an open grin appears from under his big bushy beard. His right hand shoots up into a clique hand sign with his fingers pointing in odd directions.  They smile and laugh back as if it’s obligatory. The instant they pass his smile drops. Now he looks menacing. 

“Got ya shit together fucker?” 

“I told you I’ll be ready,” said Milo.”

“You better be.” Said Bludgy with the tone of a threat.

“What’s the point of this call, when we agreed we wouldn’t be calling at all?”

“To make you understand, that if you fuck me over on this...”

“I’m solid, I’ve already told you.” Said Milo interrupting. “There is no point in having this phone call unless it’s an emergency to do with the thing we are not going to talk about.”

“It’s just a warning to keep you on your A game, because if anything goes wrong today it’s me being fucked over. You got that?” 

“Just you worry about yourself and go back to watching Miami Vice or whatever else it was that triggered this nutty reaction.”  

Bludgy the attitude and switched to being buoyant. “Oh and hey kudos to you, I heard you banged that hot bit of ass that’s been hanging around the bar lately, way to go buddy.”

“That’s a bullshit rumor and don’t you dare spread it.”

“Well that’s too bad, the boys were going to give you a shout in celebration. You haven’t claimed a trophy since Crystal.”

Jet walks past Milo carrying Riley and two bags as she heads out the door. “This call’s over”. Milo puts the phone in his pocket as he quickly follows her out.

Back on Palmerston Street a car toots as it drives past Bludgy. He gives them a big wave with a big Bludgy grin on the side.  As soon as they’ve gone his eyebrows rise and his face turns Machiavellian. Cogs are turning in his brain. He allows himself a fleeting cunning smile as he comes to a stop in front of Masterpieces Hair Design.  The proprietor of the business, Mayvis Kingly had her back to him.  He admires her body as she bends over to pick up a mop and bucket. 

“Is that the way you greet all your customers or do you like me extra special.” Mayvis instantly turns on the spot.

“Omg its bloody Bludgy you cheeky bastard, I was about to whack some bugger. Besides you’re not a customer, you haven’t had anyone cut your hair in twenty years at least.”

“Oh contraire Mayvis for today, I am a customer,” he said with improvised pomp.

‘Let me guess, you’re getting rid of the matted mountain man look and going after a perm with a pink rinse.” She laughs hysterically.   

“Oh no, much much funnier than that.”

“Well now, you really do have my attention Sir.”

“There’s a T.V. crew visiting here in little old Westport to play an identical twin prank on my grump of a brother.”

“Oh my god that’s amazing.”

“And since you’re the one who cuts his hair all the time, I’ll be honored if you were to make little old me, into your piece de resistance.” Bludgy grins like a little boy waiting for his treat.

“Oh honey I’d love to. Oh my god this is so exciting. When do you want to book it?”

“Well now, it has to be done right now, see because the make up hairdressers father got killed by a shark, bit of his head apparently.” Mavis’s mouth drops open.

“Oh that’s horrible.”

“Yeah I know, anyway that’s why she had to leave immediately, and that’s why I need you to somehow pull a rabbit out of a hat and fit me in.” Mayvis makes a sad face.

“Oh I’d love to sweetie but I’m all booked out.”

“How about if I give you, a thousand dollars.” He pulls a wad of cash out of his pocket. “For giving me the whole full monty grump Bludgeon look.” Mavis truly feels bad for him, She smiles with compassion as she shakes her head.

“Oh you know I want to take it but it’ll take a couple of hours, or so, at least,’’ she says with a little disdain as her eyes focus in on his super knotted hair. It’s a lot of money I know, but, still not worth losing loyal customers for.” She shakes her head giving him a conciliatory smile. Bludgy smiles back and pulls out another wad of cash.

“How about two?” before she can answer he keeps pulling out more money. “Three? Four?” Mayvis’s mouth drops open. “Well if you can’t it’s understandable, I’ll try down the street, they might be keen since I can go up to at least five.”

“Five? Five,” said Mayvis like a startled parrot, “I think I can do it for five. How about we get inside right now before my first booking of the day turns up aye.” 

“Fantastic,” said Bludgy, smiling as he walks through the door. Mayvis quickly follows behind, snips the lock and draws the blinds. A minute later she pulls the blinds back just enough to tape a makeshift note to the inside of the glass reading: “Store closed for morning due to burst water pipe”. Eighty one year old Edith Kant was standing on the other side waiting for her monthly hairdo. She reads the note slowly looking disgruntled.  Mayvis mouths the word sorry to Edith, then drops the blinds and turns to look at Bludgy.

“Right then, where do we start?”

“How about a shave”, said Bludgy as he tugged on the end of his beard for the last time.

“Oh, I don’t know if we have shaving cream.” Bludgy pulls a razor and shaving gel out of his overalls pocket.

“No worries, I came prepared. Ha ha.” Mayvis immediately gets to work clipping then shaving the mass of fibres from his face. She laughs and talks endlessly. Often asking questions about the prank he’s going to pull on his twin brother. Bludgy had no trouble replying has he made the whole thing up in his head on the spot.  After two hours of cutting the floor was a mess with hair.  Mayvis applied a slight bit of makeup to Bludgy’s face to darken the pale pink skin that hadn’t seen daylight in decades. She then steps back, looking at him in awe.  

“It’s incredible.”  Bludgy holds up his index finger.

“But wait, there’s more.”  He strips off his overalls.  Underneath he was fully dressed in a crisp sharp pinstripe business suit.  Mayvis howls with laughter.

“Oh my god. It’s uncanny. You look just like him.” She gets a glint in her eye. “Do you think you could pass for him, I mean the way you both talk is so different. It’s weird like two identical robots with completely different personalities.  I mean couldn’t talk like, exactly like the way he does I guess, but could you give it a go, just for me please?” 

Bludgy is grinning. “Mayvis I get the feeling you may have had a thing for my brother at some stage.” she blushes looking bashful.

“Well maybe a little one.” Bludgy straightens his tie in a certain way. Mayvis smiles because it’s exactly the way his brother does.

“Mayvis darling,” he says with his pitch dropped significantly. “All through law school I kept a photo of you in my wallet.” He moves his arms slowly in sweeping gestures as he moves closer towards her. “For many years I suffered through what I thought was,.. no, what I knew was an unrequited love for the woman I knew I could never have, and until now never told.” Bludgy places a  hand on her hip. She doesn’t protest.

“Oh, you’re so bad,” she said, shaking her head and smiling all the time. He places both hands around her small waist and lifts her onto the counter top.  She felt giddy. Mr tall dark and handsome had swept her off her feet. He kissed her softly on her lips. She forgot she was married. “Take me.” Bludgy obliged. 

Next Chapter: 4