Hey Jeff, I really like reading your site and its amazing how many of the questions being asked actually pertain to questions I’ve had before. Great job!
So heres my question:
There is a bit of history behind the situation, 4 years to be exact, but I’ll try and breeze through them.
So I began dating this Slovenian girl year of high school, yeah I know, immature relationship, blah blah blah, but he was actually very mature for his age and was frequently thought to be a senior that first year. Well, regardless, we dated through out our entire high school career, we had our rough times, mostly brought on by my parents, but we always made it through and were never close to breaking up. So, with the end of high school comes college, and although we both attempted to go to U.Va. only he got in. So, we knew we were not going to be going to school together, but we looked at ticket prices and vacation schedules and decided that we could do it. He kept saying that he wanted to go to the same school as me, or at least to one in the same area but he had gotten into Yale and so I told him I didn’t want him to risk his future for me because if it didn’t work out, I didn’t want him to blame me. Finally, he consented and he went to Yale and I went to Georgia Tech. Either way,
both schools were out of state and in much bigger cities than our home towns.
So, college starts, I go before him, he comes up and visits for a few days, he’s willing to pay for a greyhound up to Atlanta to spend the day and night with me and a greyhound back. (I could not have a car for the first semester) So then he leaves for school and as the hub of the South, he leaves from Atlanta so I get to say goodbye and everything is fine.
Then, less than a month after he gets up there he starts to not call as often and when he does, I have to ask question to keep him even talking and he complains he’s tired all the time. I will admit, I got a bit jealous because he was friends with a lot of girls and his college had dances a lot (think Hogwarts houses) with other colleges within Yale and he always went and sometimes neglected to tell me.
Stupidly, I thought it’ll be ok, everything’ll be back to normal at Thanksgiving because he’s gonna come see me. Before that he breaks up with me, and then calls me back the next day saying he wants to take it back and get back together. He claimed that he didn’t feel entirely connected to what was happening at Yale because he was still tied to me and that he thought he’d feel better if he broke up with me and that instead he felt worse. So I forgave him and we got back together and it was better for a while, then he came to visit me on his Thanksgiving break.
He was supposed to stay a few days and the night that he got in my roommates all left for the night….*wink wink*….and so he gets there and we’re messing around and in the middle of it, then he tells me that it isn’t working for him and he thinks we should break up. Needless to say I got really really mad. We talked about it, and through his tears he was telling me that he was so sorry blah blah blah. He wouldn’t stay the night even though we have an extra futon and his dad was going to be in Atlanta the next day at 4. Instead, he takes the MARTA (aka subway) to the greyhound station and sleeps there for 4 hours until the next bus home.
I see him over Christmas and we end up hooking up at a Krimma party at his house with a bit of alcohol in our systems and at the time its ok. So then he goes back to school, we decide to remain friends, a month later I find out he’s dating someone up there (he doesn’t tell me, I have to confront him about it and he admits its true)
Needless to say I am pissed off because a month after he gets out of a 4 year relationship, he is already dating another girl, which means he must have been “talking” to her right after we broke up (he swears it wasn’t before) and to top it off I can’t get a guy to save my life (this should be easy since the guy to girl ratio at tech is 3:1)
So, why does all this matter?
Because they are still dating and he is now planning on bringing her down here to our home town for a week or so over the summer while I will be here. I have let him know that I can barely deal with him being here, not to mention being in town myself even without him because its a small town and I have very vivid memories of pretty much every place in my town and him for 4 years. So, the idea of him bringing her here is obviously not the most exciting thing that could happen to me and actually the idea makes me simultaneously sick to my stomach and filled with hate for her and him (even though she did nothing wrong).
So what is the best way that I can communicate to him that I do not want this to happen. To show him how much it will hurt me? And what the hell is going through his mind?
(he claims he still wants to be my friend, I told him I never wanted to talk to him again, but when I unfortunately have to, he always seems glad to hear from me)