Chapter 5 – Of Dreams and Things

Star Dark padded through darkness and came into a den lit with a single lamp, where his orange girl sat on a bed of twigs and leaves. A knife made of knapped flint lay on her lap and the stink of despair made Star Dark's nose wrinkle. She was oblivious to his presence, head bowed as he approached.

When she lifted the knife and dug into her belly, Star Dark's maw snugly embraced her wrist. He rumbled in disapproval. >;;Why?

Her head snapped up to stare into his face. >;;I do not want it, I did not ask for it.

>;;It is your child, a gift, a spark of new life, precious.

She shuddered. He could see the images of the child's creation go through her young mind; the rape he had been passenger to, others he had not. He felt deadened limbs as someone took her from behind, the hand that closed around her throat, the inability to breath and the fangs that roughly bit into her neck.

>;;A baby is precious,

>;;It is nothing but a reminder. It is unwanted.

He released her wrist and instead lifted his head to look into her eyes; silver and gold tears trickled from his own. >;;I understand. I would be your friend.

>;;;I have no friends, only those who would do this,

>;;;I would be your friend... if nowhere else, but here, in your dreams,;I am Star Dark, your friend.

She stared at him, studying him, her look of distrust slowly dissipated as she saw nothing to fear in his face. >;;;Kaleign,

He licked cheek again. >;;;If you wish to talk, I will listen,

Her hand reached out and tentatively, lightly touched his head. >;;;What are you?

>;;;I am Phei,;I can change my shape, from Phei to cat and from cat to Phei.

"Phei," she whispered, her oddly accented pronunciation of the word delighted him.

He winked at her. The heavy gold, and intricately worked, torc around his neck was unlike anything she'd seen. Gold flecks sometimes washed up in the creek, little bright yellow bits; the torc was so much more. >;;;Kaleign, what do your people call themselves?

>;;;I am Kimian,;I am khar.

>;;;A khar is...?

She frowned, the movement on his coat slowing. >;;;A Kimian who can throw their shape for another,

>;;;Then we are not so different, you and I.

>;;;You are free, I'm not.

>;;;I would free you,

She stared back, head cocked, her orange tinged hair parted to reveal softly pointed ears, they were broader and higher. Her body was free of the burden of the unwanted pregnancy, and she was light. >;;;How can you free me when you are not real? You are a dream.

>;;;I am as real as you are, my mahou brought me to you, I don't know why, but I am travelling right now, to search for you. The how, the why, I don't yet know how to explain. Let this be our place until we can touch noses in the flesh.

>;;;How do I know that you don't just want what the others did.

The Phei’s form shifted, and he was now she. >;;;To harm you is to harm myself, Kaleign.

She frowned. >;;;I don't understand.

A faint figure, a petite female with a very similar build to Star Dark, emerged from the tall grass. "Star Dark... Star Dark...."

The night-skinned Phei touched Kaleign's face, feather-light, she could feel patience and friendship in that caress. >;;;I have to go, Kaleign, do not give up hope. I search for you, my friend.

She reached up and touched the odd hand as the dark figure disappeared.

With a start, Kaleign found herself back in her own body. She could still feel the dark one’s fingers upon her cheek. She sniffed her hand, shocked to find the stranger’s scent lingering upon her skin.

Frowning, she tried to discern the vision's meaning. The hunter’s moon had risen and set six times since her Feschen and in that time she had seen the unusual strangers almost as many times. The dreams were peaceful, unlike the nightmares that were riddling others in her clan, of death and pain.

Who are they? the young girl wondered as she sighed and stretched, wincing as cramped limbs protested. She directed her next thought to her goddess, Why are they in my dreams, Sandess? Dreams were never without meaning if one knew where to look. She had no clue. She hissed in frustration, mulling the question over and over again.

Sounds of her clan awakening tore her from her thoughts. Fear had kept the small group of Kimians moving, never staying in the same area more than a handful of days. Yet whatever hunted them still found them, slowly whittling down their numbers. The only sign was a missing clansmate, occasionally a splatter of blood, and even rarer, a dead body with no signs of an attack.

Gathering her meagre belongings and placing her flint knife in her pocket, she fingered the small packet of herbs at her knees. She had planned to mix it with her morning tea to knock loose the unwanted passenger in her gut, but real or imagined, the Phei, Star Dark, was right. Few and far between, a child was precious to her people. They were a gift from their Goddess, even one as unwanted as her own unborn daughter. The teen sighed, dusting the ground with the herb mixture. At least now, according to Mariska, as Shaman, once the obligatory required child was born, she would never have to be touched again. Her Feschen could be indefinitely delayed with the use of herbs. Just the thought of another male touching her in that way made her physically ill.

She offered a morning prayer up to Sandess, before moving to first relieve herself than on to her lessons with the shaman.

Her days were no longer filled with hunting, but of learning the responsibilities of one Chosen by Sandess. She worked on fine tuning her healing magic. When to augment it with herbs and grasses to heal naturally, or when to pull from her goddess gift. Some evenings at Mariska’s knee, she listened to the stories of the past. They ran from the conception of the Kimians, the creation of the khar, so many things she had listened to as a cub but not retained. She memorized each nuance, each morsel as Mariska drilled them into her memory. Other nights she danced with her clan.

She learned and her daughter grew, distorting her frame, bringing discomfort and pain.

Kaleign slipped away as they stopped for the night and searched for the source of water she smelled. Her back ached and her feet hurt. If she were lucky, there’d be a place to soak, to wash away the stink of travel. If she was really lucky, she could be alone.

With glee, she found a pond filled with lily pads and fish. Yanking her tunic off, she froze at the raucous cry of a raven. She searched the foliage above her until she discovered the black form. They were rare in the forest, finding the open fields of the plains more to their liking, even rarer to find one alone. The corvine cocked its head and cried again, beady black eyes staring at her.

Shivering, she returned the gaze. The beasts were one of the Goddess avatars. Sandess, keep us safe. She offered a brief prayer with a promise to hunt and leave a proper offering for her goddess. The bird raised its wings and dropped off the branch to fly away, leaving her to her peace.

The young shifter stepped into the water, moaning softly in delight as she sank into the pond. Finding an underwater ledge, she lay back against the rim and allowed the coolness to ease the aches of travel.

>;;;Kaleign, I have need of you.

She growled as the thoughts intruded upon her rare moment of solitude, waking her from her unplanned nap. Before she could snap, she reminded herself who she spoke with. >;;;Yes, Mariska.

Lacing up her clothes, she frowned at the tightness from her ever expanding girth. Can’t let it out any further, I need to find a deer. The wolf stirred at the thoughts of a hunt. A hunger that was but wasn’t hers stirred in her gut. Images of blood and fresh meat caused her mouth to water. Soon, she reassured her beast, before heading toward the mental call.

The shaman had set up on the outskirts of the clan, a part of but away from the majority of their clansmen. Arriving, she caught sight of one of the older women, dumping a pile of old skins and cloth just outside the fire, before bolting away. Confused, the young khar gathered the abandoned items and moved to where Mariska knelt beside a prone Kimian. As she approached, the Elder tossed blood soaked clothes into the fire.

>;;;Hurry, girl!;He will die if you don’t stop fooling around!

Kaleign’s gorge rose as Mariska pulled the soiled fabric from her patient. >;;;What happened?;Did the Hunters do that?

Mariska snorted, blood covered hand snapping out to grab the teen’s wrist, yanking her to the ground and placing her hand upon the quivering body. >;;;He did it to himself, and he needs you to fix it or he’ll die.

Swallowing back the bile, Kaleign winced as the skin to skin touch allowed her to feel her patient’s agony, and he whimpered at her touch. Closing her eyes, she reached within. Sandess, please guide me. She ignored the wet, mushy feel of tortured flesh beneath her fingers, using her healing magic and pushing it into the injured Kimian’s form. She encouraged the wound to scab over, the shredded muscles to heal, pouring energy into the male, taking his pain as her own with a whine.

Good, ajaju.

Kaleign jumped as the strangely accented voice entered her thoughts. Pay attention, little wolf. Soft laughter tinged the thoughts. Encourage his body to create more blood, like this. The girl watched as a ghostly, oddly jointed, four finger hand super imposed itself over her own. They stroke the liver, pushing the organ to increase its production of red blood cells. Now, push your mahou into the bones, to encourage the blood needed to stave off infection, yes, good, like that. Ooh, I can’t wait to meet you, jumi, your mahou is inspiring.

Who’re you? She demanded. Sandess?

Silence met her.

Frustrated, Kaleign opened her eyes, shocked to see pink healing flesh cover what had been a gaping hole.

“Goddess bless,” whispered Tanik in awe as she brought the young healer a cup of tea. “Will he live?”

“If Sandess wills it,” Mariska pulled a blanket over the now drugged Kimian.

>;;;Why would anyone harm themselves like that?

>;;;He could no longer tolerate his appearance.

The khar frowned, confused. “I don’t understand.”

“Cheis’s soul and mind are male. Sandess chose to challenge him, to have him born into a non-male body to test him. It chafes at him and he chose to make his body match what he feels it should be,” Mariska stated. >;;;He cannot grow a penis, but he can remove the breasts that remind him he is in the wrong body.

Kaleign shuddered as realisation finally hit and she stared at her dozing patient in shock. >;;;The clan will exile her.

Her Elder shook her head sharply. >;;;All who are deemed different are welcomed at my fire, even you.

The pale girl’s head snapped up. >;;;I am not different!

A wry smile. >;;;There is denial in your eyes, and yet those same eyes wander to those who are not men. We all have witnessed your aversion to males, but I have seen your lingering glances at Tamik when you are at the bathing pool with her.

“No, I do not!” Her face darkened, heart beating hard within her ribcage.

>;;;There is nothing to be ashamed of, healer, all are made as Sandess wishes.

“It is wrong to want another in that way,” she protested.

"There's nothing wrong with you. You are made for a purpose, like I or Gatherer Chesken are."

The Shaman was wrong. She had watched Stohn remove clan rights from a male khar for touching another. It wasn't the fact the touch had been unwanted, she had witnessed numerous males grab a female that way, but that he had done so to another male.

“Sandess chose us to help our people. It is not our place to judge.” Mariska bandaged their patient, wrapping him in a blanket for the evening. “All Sandess chooses are different, all harbor secrets that would cause our clansmen to turn their back on us. Even I.”

Kaleign watched her elder stoke up the fire, remembering the odd being from the night before. >;;;I dream…

>;;;The goddess speaks to us in our dreams, we must just listen to hear her.

Swallowing, the younger Kimian fussed with the edge of her tunic. >;;;I dream of a person, not he, not she, but both.

The shaman nodded.>;;Even Sandess is trying to explain to you that all is not what they seem.

>;;Sandess said…

Mariska lunged over to grab her face in one withered hand. >;;The Goddess spoke to you? Bah, you idiot, Sandess never spoke with you, you’re not trained enough to hear her thoughts.

The teen fell on her tailbone, grey eyes flashing. >;;She spoke to me.

>;;If she truly speaks with you, then listen to what she says, pup, she rarely repeats herself.