Zombie apocalypse this, zombie apocalypse that. Walking Dead this, Walking Dead that. If you haven’t already heard the zombies are coming sooner rather than later. Forget the Mayan predictions and Armageddon because as far as I’m concerned pop culture, best selling authors, and even the CDC have convinced me that ZOMBIES WILL BE THE SOLE CAUSE TO THE END OF HUMAN EXISTENCE.

Now you may be wondering, "What made 95% of the population become undead in the first place?" The answer: "WHO CARES!" The reason you are surrounded by zombies is beside the point. Your mailman, best friend, and last month’s one night stand are trying to eat your flesh so accept it and move on.

I’d like to tell you, "If you can’t beat ’em, join ’em," but apparently being a zombie is a bad thing. I personally wouldn’t mind walking with the undead. I’d rather be strolling with the cool crowd than running from them. My friends get a kick out of this and often tell me that I’m an idiot for preferring the zombie life to no life at all. In all honesty though, I would be much more partial to living happily among the zombies as my current self as opposed to fearing them, fighting them off, and more than likely falling victim to their biting ways.

I don’t know if this fantasy of mine is due to the fact that I am a little delusional when it comes to the wrath of zombies or just a girl gushing with high hope hormones. Regardless, fantasies are merely dreams, and I believe that all dreams are attainable with hard work, dedication, an optimistic attitude, and a bit of luck. I am also a firm believer in the power of friendship and the kind of clout much needed goods and services can bring in. Hence, this helpful guide.

It is my sincere hope to share with you my positive outlook, tips on survival, and creative ways on how to happily co-exist among the life threatening masses. Think of this as a quick and simple education on the art of befriending a zombie through a warm smile and fantastic bartering techniques all in the name of staying alive. Don’t think it’s possible, then don’t even bother trying. Your pessimism regarding the looming zombie invasion is a guaranteed death wish. However, if you are open minded, strong willed, and unafraid of the undead my guide will surely help you get along with the living corpses coming your way.

Written by R. Razack -- Copyright © R. Razack 2013