Chapter Three: Lazyman

I left my dirty plate in the kitchen. The chefs slowly started arriving at work. I didn’t go back to the hall right away, but turned left down the stairs which led to the underground part of the building. In that part of the club there were multiple rooms of different purposes like a drink storage room, locker room for workers, and a large garage for golf carts connected to the golf equipment storage rooms. There were more rooms for club members to enjoy such as a massage room, one man’s and one woman’s living room space, two saunas, a gym, and a large locker room. All of that completed the underground complex. I went down the stairs so I could type in the code in this little gadget that counted our working hours. I also called it the weed provider. Aside from counting my working hours he also served as a way for me to get some easy extra money. When I first arrived at the club I was always on time, but as time went by I started stealing thirty to ninety minutes a day, depending on how many hours I worked already. Since my pay was nine bucks an hour, around seven extra hours would pay for my weekly stash. And I wasn’t the only one; almost everybody at the club did that. I believe that the finance guys knew what was going on, but let it slide as long as we were fair. About ten stolen hours a week was considered fair. 3307! I typed in my code and paced back up the stairs to the entertainment hall. Ulises was fast walking from the other side of the hall towards the club reception exit. He was staring at me the whole time, but I pretended like I didn’t care. I knew what was going to happen, two hours of fucking “tens”, “fifteens”, and maybe “twenties”. He reached the exit, stopped, and took a Motorola from a little table and dialed Carl and Matt to come meet him. They appeared within a minute and Carl started the conversation.

- “Gentlemen, how are we today?” He asked in a bright tone of voice.

- “Excellent. “

- “Great.”

- “Fine.”

- “Okay.”

- “Been better.” Said many voices.

- “Doesn’t matter anyway, today is going to be an easy one and I want to see all of you happy. Let Darijo be an example for all of you. He’s simply glowing today. Okay?! Girls we don’t want to keep you here too long, you’re going to follow me to the lunch hall and set the tables. As always I’m leaving you in good hands with Matt and Ulises who are going to clarify you’re tasks. Ladies, after you.” Carl said in record breaking time and left trough the corridor towards the reception.

- “Okay, as you’ve heard, today we want all of you to look relaxed. There won’t be much work, especially for me since I’m going to be sitting in my office taking care of some invoices, but I’ll be available in you need me. Ulises will give you details about everything else. Good luck boys.” Said Matt before he left.

- “Okay guys this is the plan. The guests will start arriving at noon. The first rounds of golf will start at one and the girls should be done working by then. Around three some of the guests will be done golfing and start preparing for the “Cocktail Hour” which started ad four and logically lasts until five. After five we’ll remove all unnecessary stuff and preparing for dinner that scheduled to start at seven and end in an hour. From eight O’clock on we’re getting rid of everything and preparing the hall for the party a day after tomorrow. Tomorrow we’re not working. That’s it! One step at a time, no rush, one task at a time. Joseph, Ivan, Ryan, Tom, Alex, Connor and Pancho you’re coming with me to the lunch hall to clear the tables from last night and set up the barbeque terrace. Julio you go help in the kitchen. Darijo you stay here, I’ll be back in a few minutes.”Ulises said with his Mexican accent and went with the guys to the lunch hall.

I knew it! Fucking Julio tattled on me to Ulises. Going into the kitchen, he didn’t hide the satisfaction that overtook him, he even smirked at me. In response I gave him two sarcastic thumbs up. That fucking old fart; always looking for ways to ruin my day. Carrying tables wasn’t a problem, I was in a good mood, but I didn’t want to do it today because the hostesses were coming. All get all dirty and stink. Shit. I sat on a chair and the moment I wanted to play a song Ulises showed up.

- “Get up Darijo. You just came from breakfast, you lazy motherfucker. How many times do I have to tell you to listen to Julio?”

- “I’d listen to him if he stopped yelling and acting like a boss.” I angrily responded.

- “He talks like that! Man, get used to it?” Ulises said back.

- “I don’t care. I nicely told him that if he wants to talk to me to lower his tone of voice and show some respect.” I continued.

- “Well fuck. He complained to me and to Carl. You pulled the short end again. I wanted to line you up with the boys on the terrace, but Carl told me to have you prepare the dinner hall.” Ulises said seriously.

- “Fucking Carl. Did you hear him praising me in front of everyone and then he sticks it to me behind my back.” I got even angrier!

- “You know that’s entirely your fault. Okay, I need one, two, three… Eight “tens” and three “twenties”. That would add up to a hundred and forty chairs. Set the utensils for dinner of course. Wine glasses for the wine and small ones for the water as always. You have one “twenty” here and three “tens”, put the “eights” back in the storage space, and you’ll need around ninety more chairs. You don’t need to rush, I’ll see you later.” As Ulises said that he left.

I’m in the hall again. I felt like fucking Sisyphean. My struggle of rolling tables and carrying chairs will never come to an end. I needed a cigarette. I went to the storage space, sat down and light up an American Marlboro Lights cigarette. I didn’t want to play any kind of music; instead I decided to enjoy the silence. The American Marlboro was incomparable to any other cigarette I smoked so far. For example the Mexican Marlboro that Monroy would illegally sell me for eight bucks was pussy smoke compared to the one I was currently smoking. I don’t even want to mention the Bosnian one. As sick and impossible as it sounds, I’d compare the taste of American Marlboro with the taste of great Bosinan kebabs. The perfect cigarette. Their price ranged from eleven to fourteen dollars, depending on where I bought them. While smoking, the first time I landed on La Guardia crossed my mind. The first two things I experienced in the States were Starbucks and Marlboro. I didn’t particularly like Starbucks, but now I’d kill for a cup of coffee. When I came to Tam O’shanter I toured all of the rooms for which the waiters were responsible, and when we left the club through the entertainment hall, we light up a cigarette at the same place I’m currently sitting and smoking. I wouldn’t even notice that half of my cigarette already burnt if it wasn’t for the wind that was blowing through the wooden fence. My enthusiasm was fading as the morning went by. However I had to get moving and finish my work. Setting up the hall for a hundred and forty people seemed funny at the moment. On Independence Day I had to set up the hall for five hundred people. That was hell. It was a hot day; with no wind what so ever. Everyone was pissed off because they had to work on Independence Day, above all the Americans, but I suffered the most. Instead of assigning someone to help me, he made me set it all up myself. I took me three and a half hours and I was dead beat. Now it only took me an hour to set up the hall in a sluggish pace. There was no trace of exhaustion. Nevertheless, I sat down. At that very moment a Mexican in his late thirties, 5.4 ft in height, and around 126 pounds showed up. It was Ulises.

- “Cabron! You’re sitting again. You can’t be fixed.” He said through laughter.

- “I sat down a few seconds ago, where the fuck did you come from?” I was surprised.

- “Lurking and bugging you is my job.” He joked.

- “Well, you’re doing a damn good one. You stun me every time.”

- “You stun me when I see you sitting every time! Fucking impossible!”Ulises added.

- “And I don’t even try!” I said through a laugh.

- “Excellent. I have a job just for you, where you’ll be able to sit.”

- “That’s possible?” I questioned.

- “Sure it is, just don’t lose the spark now! You were great this morning. It seems like the positive energy faded.” He said, expressing clearly a fake concern.

- “You’re right. Mary Jane weakened! I feel like a zombie.” I said sadly.

- “To add to your sadness, I have to admit I smoked some pretty great shit three minutes ago.” He was gloating.

- “You fucking pussy, you just had to mention that.” I got mad.

- “Well, I am the boss.” He proudly disclosed.

- “Okay, okay, don’t add to my misery, just tell what’s that job you have for me?” I asked.

- “It’s a simple one. You’re going to go to the underground part of the club, to the corridor that leads to the living rooms for members. You’ll see an ice-cream fridge and a white robe. Put the robe on and hand out the ice-creams. Try to be polite. It shouldn’t take long, maybe an hour. When you’re done call Matt. Come on, go now.” He said and left the hall.

As I mentioned earlier, I met Ulises when I came to the States. He picked me up from the airport. He was the heart of the club, at least regarding the physical work. He kept an eye on everything and was unbelievably fast. Sometimes he would work eighteen hours a day. The club members adored him. He was a fucking machine. Like me, he had a weed issue. Yes, I admit it, I was an addict and so was he! Ulises started off his day with a joint, just like me, and he would regularly catch me taking a puff on my breaks, but he would never give me a hard time about it. Being like me, he understood my need, aside from that we didn’t really get along. Probably because of my Balkan attitude, I spoke my mind and never kissed assess of my superiors, and he was one of them. He loved when people flattered him, but I didn’t do that, not once. That’s probably the reason he gave me the hardest physical tasks. He never spared me from hard work. We had a professional relationship with hints of tomfoolery when the situation would allow it. I wasn’t surprised that he assigned me to hand out ice-creams. Darijo would do what no one else wanted to do. He knew I couldn’t care less. In my long list of jobs at the club I was a waiter, busboy, worked in the store, carried and arranged tables and chairs, why wouldn’t I hand out ice-creams?! No problem. The only issue was that I wasn’t stoned anymore. That made me anxious and antisocial, not to mention depressing. My started off good, I wanted it to be good, but it is what it is, I need for THC is going to spoil it. Shit. I can’t let that happen, I’m not that big of a wimp?! I’ll try to finish the ice-cream task with a smile on my face, even if it’s fake. It’s not like it would kill me to fake a smile. I headed to the kitchen with heaviness in my steps, went down the stairs and saw the ice-cream fridge in the hallway. I immediately reminisced about how we stole ice-cream. Ivan and Joseph, two guys that studied with me back in Croatia, were my partners in crime. It wasn’t such a spectacular robbery, we simply walked into the kitchen after the members and club management left and enjoyed the different flavors of excellent ice-cream. There were many flavors like butter pecan, rocky road, mint chocolate chip, strawberry, chocolate, vanilla and many others. Every week the chief chef in the kitchen would order new flavors. Beautiful. Usually we would head down to the living rooms even though it was against regulations and eat our ice-creams while watching TV. We broke the rules, all we were Balkans it was in our blood. I put on the cumbersome, white robe, fixed my fake smile and pushing the fridge entered the room. The living room was enormous! A big TV was mounted in the wall and lined with beautiful, polished wood. Enormous and expensive furniture was moved to the woman’s living room today because it wasn’t in use. Chairs were placed instead of it. There were around thirty chairs set up against the walls and in the middle of the room. The guest slowly started arriving. Fifteen of them were already in the room. I noticed Mister Kaplan, Borowitz and Gutman, they were sitting and watching TV. Some people I saw for the first time, probably friends of the members. For the first fifteen minutes I was a ghost. I was supposed to hand out ice-creams and thought it would be a hassle, but instead I even managed to sit. Okay not really sit, but slightly leaned on the heater behind my back. What a bore. If only I was drunk or high, anything except this boring and unbearable sobriety. I sweated in that stupid robe. The moment I thought I’d spend the remaining time leaned on the heater, people started arriving and entering the room, a lot of people. I stood up, fixed back my fake smile, and grabbed the ice-cream scoop. Guests went at it like crazy; I had my hand full for half an hour at least. Handing out ice-creams I started to get even more anxious. Luckily the crowd disbursed as I ran out of ice-cream bowls, I left one on the side for me. A tall gentleman approached the fridge, unremarkably resembling Mark Strong. He leaned on the fridge with his hands and I couldn’t avoid noticing his large, shiny ring with a purple cube. The pattern of the ring had a protractor and a caliper. “Hello Darijo”, he addressed me! I couldn’t believe it; this was the first time anyone of the guests pronounced my name correctly. Usually they would call me Dari-joe, Dar-joe, Dara-joe and similar to that. Too funny. This gentleman caught my attention, especially because of the ring of power he was wearing. The feelings of anxiousness and depression that followed me since the weed kicked out were quickly replaced by curiosity.

- “Good day Sir.” I responded with a dose of polite nosiness.

- “What do we have here?” He asked while looking at the fridge.

- “Wow, the ring of power!” I mumbled.

- “Sorry?” He asked

- “Well, you’re wearing the ring of power!” I firmly said.

- “Oh, you noticed this little thingy. How do you know about the ring of power? Do you know what it represents?” Now he became curious.

- “Well, I’ve read books, did some online research and watched movies…” I answered.

- “And?” He asked shortly.

- “People who wear the ring of power are usually in; I would say a society with secrets rather than a secret society. Freemasons.” I responded in cold blood.

- “Dan Brown? Is it?” He questioned.

- “Yes, Dan Brown, The Da Vinci Code, Angels and Demons, and lost symbols.” I answered.

- “That was clear when you called us as a society with secrets, that’s how he describes us in his books.” He said.

- “Yes Sir.”

- “What about the conspiracy theories?” He asked through a laugh.

- “Well, Michelle Obama is a man, the Moon doesn’t exist, dinosaurs build the pyramids, Satanists practice yoga, and Magic Johnson has two pussies and white dic.” I blurted out quickly.

- “Very impressive. You’re a funny fellow and sound like Peter Russo.” He laughed.

- “Thank you, Sir. Russo is a great character. Ice-cream?”

- “Yeah, he truly is. What would you recommend?” He asked me curiously.

- “Butter Pecan.” I said.

- “What about the bowls? There’s none left?

- “I saved one for myself, but since you pronounced my name correctly, it’s all yours.” I said with an honest smile on my face.

- “Oh, did I?! Lucky guess!” He said.

- “It may have been luck, but the ice-cream is yours. Enjoy.” I said happily.

- “Okay, Darijo. Everyone already left so it’s time for me to go play a round of golf. Hope I see you later.” He said in a polite manner.

- “I hope so as well. Good luck Sir.” I greeted him.

The mystery man headed for the exit and ran into two white girls with black hair, partly unclad, and with a huge cleavage. He disappeared in the club corridor. An enjoyable talk that helped me forget about my un-stoned state which completely vanished and was replaced by a high dose of horniness when I saw the girls. Well, fuck, it was almost two O’clock, the hostesses arrived at the club. These two were too hot. I can’t wait to see the rest of the kitty squad. They headed towards the locker rooms from which I could hear male voices. For I moment I thought about following them and maybe witnessing some sexual activities, but I stopped myself, I’m not a fucking peep. That’s not my style. I had other things to do, Ulises told me to report to Matt, he was my Ace in the sleeve. I believed he would brighten my mood and assign me to a position where I would be in contact with the hostesses. I moved the fridge and picked up all the bowls. I put them all in one place to make it easier for the cleaning crew, took off my robe and left the room. I climbed up the stairs back into the kitchen and headed towards the lunch halls. They were half empty. Rea, Ivana, Josipa, Ana,, Kim and Jamie already left the building. They set up the lunch hall as Carl requested. Everything was in perfect order. They probably finished their task and left so the men could enjoy. I stopped in hall number two and looked around. In hall number one, which was on the left there were a few men drinking cocktails and talking. In hall number three Julio was preparing pitchers filled with ice. I turned right towards the main lobby where the big cubic bar was. Mario and Justin were preparing it for the guests that were supposed to arrive. There was no one at the bar so I decided to refresh myself. Carl allowed that, but it had to be quick and non-alcoholic. I come up to the bar and said hello to Mario and Justin, and asked if they could move a bit.

- “Justine, brother! It’s nice to see you.” I started.

- “Oh, look my Bosinan. Are they fucking with you again? He asked.

- “Tables and other shit again, Ulises won’t let me breathe.” I complained.

- “Ulises? I just saw him leave the club in his van. Maybe your luck is turning.” He said while pouring cranberry juice in the machine.

- “That’s not my fucking luck. Fix me up with a glass of that cranberry, but mix it with Gray Goose vodka. 50:50. If it isn’t a problem.” I asked

- “Dude if this is Gray Goose then I’m fucking Tony Hawk.” He joked, but was upset.

- “How so?”

- “Carl and Maureen made me poor fucking cheap Smirnoff in the empty Gray Goose bottles. Think about it. They’re going to have three hundred bucks per bottle.” Now he was getting angry.

- “You wouldn’t believe it. Fucking cons, that’s why the members love them.” I added angrily.

- “We are slaves around here for fucking fifteen grand, and they just put their feet up and relax.” He got even madder while pouring me my drink.

- “Thanks buddy!” I tapped his shoulder.

- ‘You know what’s even worse?” He asked me.

- “What?”

- “They had the decency to order me to answer the phones and if a club member’s wife call I’m supposed to say that their fucking husbands are having harmless fun eating barbeque and drinking vodka.” He whispered in a vulgar tone.

- “What about their cell phones?” I was taken back.

- “The fucking “Day for Men” rule- no one is allowed to have a cell phone except Carl and Maureen. Not even the members. They let me use this piece of shit that doesn’t have a camera so I could cover their asses.” He said while cutting a lemon.

- “A no camera phone?” That was even odder to me.

- “Yeah. No pictures are to be taken today, no matter what. They’re probably going to take away your phones too. Nothing leaves the club.” He said as he cheered at me with his glass.

- “They didn’t say anything yet. Fuck it; I have this not so smart phone anyway. Cheers dude.”

- “Cheers.” He leaned his cup on mine.

- “Thanks for the drink, buddy, I need to go see Matt, I hope he is going to pull me out of this shit.” I said before I sipped my drink.

- “No problem, good luck pal.” He said as he cleared the cups.

- “What’s the saying again?” I said through laughter.

- “Ja volim Isusa krista, ali Sotona je moj spasitelj. (I love Jesus Christ, but Satan is my savior.)” He said in Croatian with his funny American accent.

- “I bet he is.” I smiled and headed to see Matt.

Out of all the workers I liked Justin the most. He liked listening to me, and was a great speaker. He also enjoyed music and experimenting with drugs. A great friend for a place like Tam O’Shit. We would frequently stay with other workers after work and drinking enormous amounts of bear and smoking weed. Sometimes he would even bring some girl friends to break the monotony at the club. He loved reading. In life he cherished two things above all- surfing and skating. He would often speak about his adventures on the long-board and how he went down different hills. When he talked about it he spoke with great love, but the long-board was his second biggest love. The first one was surfing. He absolutely worshiped it. When he came to work we could all notice his yellow surfing board on the top of his car. That was his lifestyle. Justin also had a highlighted dark side. He would repeatedly be depressed because of his family issues and low paid job. He hated working at Tam O’Shit and lately he was expressing his dissatisfaction regarding the management, guests, and his coworkers more than usual. He was fighting his demons and I tried to help him with a few jokes every now and then. I would act like I’m Carl or Maureen, which made him laugh, and taught him how to say things in Croatian. His favorite saying was “Ja volim Isusa krista, ali Sotona je moj spasitelj.” He learned it in an hour and whenever he’d bump into me somewhere in the club, he would put his arm above his head to make horns and say it. To that I always laughed like a fucking fool. He made me laugh now, after we had a drink.

From the bar I headed to Matt, who shared an office by Carl. The office was on the third floor as well as the administration offices of the club. The staircase towards the offices was seven steps away from the bar so I was in front of Matt in a matter of seconds. I closed the door. The two deciliters of vodka I drank with Justin calmed me down and I was less anxious than before.

- “Darijo, you’re here.” Said Matt while taking his feet off the desk.

- “Hey Matt, Useless (Ulises) told me to come talk to you when I finish with the ice-creams, so here I am.” I said with a light smile.

- “Useless, that’s a good one. He actually went to do something useful; you’re going to like it. Trust me. However, some guests are starting to finish their golf rounds so it’s time to fire up the barbeque. The boys have set it up.” Matt said.

- “I’m not going to do the grilling, am I?” I interrupted.

- “You got it right.” He responded.

- “A u pičku materinu, nosio sam stolove, pa sladoledi i još jebeni roštilj (Godamn it, I carried tables, did the ice-cream shit, and now the fucking grill!)” I shouted in Croatian.

- “What’s wrong?” He asked, all surprised.

- “It’s nothing I’m just a little bit out of it. There’s so many pussies here and I’m always stuck doing something in the distance.” I answered.

- “Well, now you’ll have the chance to flirt with the hostesses. They love fast food. That’s the pretty girl’s weak spot. Maybe one will even like you.” He teased.

- “Stop trying to comfort me. Look at me, I’m tired, sweaty, unsaved..” I continued whining.

- “You’re a real wolf.” He laughed.

- “Fuck off!” I told him

- “Okay, don’t get mad at me, these are all Carl’s orders. It’s not my fault. Ulises left this Motorola for you. You’ll stay in contact with me and the people outside, if we need anything. Now please, go to the terrace, everything is ready. “He said.

- “Fine. Since I have no fucking choice. “

- “And please, no curse words down there either.” He said convincingly.

- “Fine. I’ll try. I’m going to go now.” I grumpily answered and disappeared.

I took the Motorola and hooked it on my belt, went down the stairs that overlooked at the reception and main entrance. I glanced around the club and saw that the halls were starting to fill up. I took a right turn through the corridor that led to the hall, because I wanted to light up a cigarette in the table storage space. I saw Tito in the hall with his fucking vacuum machine. He looked like a character from the ghost busters, but instead of ghosts he was catching dust. He had his headphones on. I walked to him to say hello, but he quickly grabbed the back of my neck and pulled me to his big stomach. How did I not predict that move? He slam dunked me. It was a stupid game the Mexicans spread through the Monkey house for fun. I really annoyed me.

- “Slam Dunk. Michael Jordan. Kiss the rim!” Tito shouted out of pure joy.

- “You little fucking Mexican. You really got me. I meant to say hi, but your pulling Jordan over here. Good one.” I praised him.

- “Yeah, yeah. Kiss it pussy. So are they busting your ass today?” He asked.

- “A little. I set up those nice tables, handed out ice-creams, and now I gotta go grill a beautiful barbeque.” I was sarcastic.

- “And still you didn’t fuck anything. That’s what you get for being a lazy motherfucker.” He teased.

- “Shut up you fucking Dustbuster. While others are chasing pussy you’re here licking dust.” I said back.

- “Very funny carbon. Did you see the girls that came? Were they tall, hot, and beautiful? He was drooling through his funny Mexican accent.

- “I saw them, but they’re too tall for you pal. They could eat pie off your head.” I mocked him.

- “Yeah, you lazy motherfucker, but they have to lean down to get the milk.” He swiftly responded to my mockery.

- “That’s a good one you fat pig. A good one indeed, but remember I’ll get you back for the Jordan. Be ready.” I warned him.

- “Dream on, lazy bastard.” He defended.

- “Okay, I have to go now, I’ll see you later.” I greeted him.

- “Enjoy the smoke pussy. See you.” He said and continued vacuuming.

I walked out the door and so fucking Carl talking on his phone next to the snack stand which was between the first and eighth holes. He noticed me right away, moved his phone and covered it with his hand, and shouted.

- “Darijo, what are you doing?” He asked me.

- “Matt sent me to take care of the barbeque.” I answered.

- “I know. That’s why I’m asking, the barbeque is in the other direction.” He yelled.

- “I’m going, I’m going.” I told him.

- “You’re going to enjoy the smoke, but the barbeque smoke.” He waved.

- “Fuck you.” I gestured with my mouth.

I’m not sure if he understood my mouth gesture, but I headed to the barbeque terrace mad. What the fuck, Matt, Tito, and now Carl in five minutes. Just when I got rid of all the negative energy by talking to those two, the Irish shit threw me off my game again. I never did have that smoke, I’m craving weed and the barbeque is still waiting. Shit squared. The first terrace was empty. They didn’t even set it up for receiving guests. It probably won’t be that crowded. That comforted me while I was approaching the big barbeque where Monroy was. There were about ten guests on the terrace and Joseph and Ryan. I went to Monroy.

- “Darijo, you’re here.” Monroy said.

- “Yes, it’s my turn now.” I said back.

- “All right, everything is here. Put this hat on and that white robe.”

- “No problem Monroy. Do you have your cigarettes on you?”I asked.

- “Sure, here you go. That would be twelve packs. You owe me ninety six dollars.” He mumbled while turning his head.

- “No problem, round it up on a hundred.” I said.

- “Thank you Darijo.” He said with a smile.

Good, old Monroy. He worked in the kitchen and aside from that he peddled Mexican Marlboro and phone credit. He was a very funny, fifty-nine year old Mexican who knew five hundred words in English max, but knew almost everything associated with the kitchen and kitchen work. I respected him, and how wouldn’t I when must have hid me different food for after work at least a hundred times, from Caesar salads to lobster. A good man. He also respected me, because even though I sometimes had debts of two hundred dollars for cigarettes and credit I always paid him back. Clean bill, long love. Monroy already left and I turned into a fucking chef. That white robe and long white hat really emphasized my stoop. Don’t even get me started about the chin. I probably looked like a monkey like giant. In addition the sun was burning my back and the fire from the barbeque my front. I felt like I was in hell. Apparently my agony just started. In the first half hour I grilled thirtyish burgers. It wasn’t too crowded, but nevertheless I wanted to get away from the grill. Joseph and Ryan were occasionally going into the lunch halls to clear dirty cups on the big trays on the side and took a peek at the hostesses that were coming. Every time they would return to the terrace they would joke around and say different stupidities like “You’re the Master Chef” or “that hat looks perfect on you.” I didn’t pay much attention to them, because I didn’t have the will to argue. In that moment four hostesses walked out through the lunch hall door, three had black hair and one was blonde. Joseph and Ryan noticed them right away! They were both smiling from ear to ear. They were polite and questioned if there was anything they needed. They ordered just water. Joseph went to get the waters while Ryan stayed on the terrace. The girls came next to the grill and asked me if they could have four burgers. They weren’t attentive towards me; they just walked around the terrace and looked at the golf course. They were really hot and they were wearing tight white shorts and shirts. The blond one wasn’t wearing a bra and I could see the outline of her nipples. She was a player, a first class gold digger. Ryan didn’t stop smiling as he was secretly overlooking the situation. The burgers were done and the blond one approached me to get them. my heart started racing and she started talking to me.

- “Chef, we would like ours medium well.” She asked nicely.

- “No problem.” I coldly answered without my fake smile.

- “Are you in a bad mood?” She asked.

- “A bit.” I answered.

While I was putting the meat in the buns the blond one was smiling and not taking her eyes off my beard.

- “Something funny?”I asked.

- “Yeah, that beard, it looks so huge and stiff.” She said haughtily.

- “Just like your nipples.” I took a shot back at her.

- “Just so you know, you can only dream about ones like these. Thanks for the burgers beardo.” As she said that she turned around and left. She had a perfect round ass.

At that moment Joseph returned with the waters and gave them to the girls. Ryan and he escorted the girls to their table. I was crazy, the sun and grill fried me, and that blonde girl totally got on my nerves. It can’t get any worse than this, I thought. Then I heard Matt’s voice on the Motorola. What the fuck does he want now?

- “Darijo,, are you at the barbeque?”He asked.

- “Yes.”

- “Listen, Pancho is coming to replace you. I need you to clean the trays from all three halls, take the dirty dishes to the kitchen so they can wash it and then take a fifteen minute break. After that call me for further instructions. That’s it.”

- “Thank you man, you’re my superhero.” I said excitedly and gladly abandoned the grill.

I can’t fucking believe that I was finished with the grill an hour earlier. Now I only have to clear the trays and dirty dishes and I have a beautiful fifteen minute break. It seemed like forever! A break in heaven. Fifteen minutes to take a shower and smoke a joint. God, Thank you. I cleared the trays, picked up the dishes and took them to the kitchen as fast as I could, and then I headed to my room at the Monkey house. I wasn’t paying attention to anything or anyone while I went through the kitchen and hall. I was enjoying. All the sadness, pain, depression or whatnot suddenly disappeared. I was carrying tables, handing ice-creams, grilling burgers, clearing dishes, and felt great again. Lazyman, the superhero who does everything pissed off. Good kind of a superhero.