I guess I should start at the beginning, but that would require knowing where the beginning is? What the beginning is? And how to identify the beginning? 

So instead of pondering philosophical questions of origin, start and end points, and time--I will start right where I am...

As I sit and write this, I am at the precipice of everything I have once experienced; everything I am; and everything I hope to one day become-- I am at the moment of creation. The moment of greatness...my greatness. 

Dominican friar  and philosopher Antonin-Dalmace Sertillanges once said “Men of genius themselves were great only by bringing all their power to bear on the point on which they had decided to show their full measure", for me today, tomorrow, and the moments in between are when I have decided to show the full measure of my genius. In these moments, these final moments, I have come to the conclusion I have nothing to lose but the opportunity to tell my story, as my story. To give the unvarnished truth--truth in its rawest form...filled with gut-punching pain, floating hope, dramatic declines, and heartfelt sorrow, jaw dropping shock, and triumphant victories. 

In a few hours the story of my life...as it is being written to date will be over. But as with any person’s story, it never really ends merely continues in a different form, through different characters, with slightly different plot twist. For all people are connected--each pulling one on another, colliding and stretching each other, morphing and making resilient, each person’s story is being shaped by others...each person is both the sculptor and the clay--shaping and being shaped. In understanding the inexplicably and delicately intertwined nature of humanity is the cradle which holds my story.

I will go ahead and tell you now--this story does not have a happy ending, nor a sad one. In fact like any story, the ending is what you make of it. Neither joyful nor sorrow filled--but had happened! My story is just that--a story that had happened. What emotions, feelings, and thoughts you tie to it are your own. In the pages which follow, I hold the pen which will tell you what happened, how I felt, and what I thought-- everything else I leave to you! 

In the pages which follow-- I am the sculptor who will tell you how I have been shaped like the clay on the potter’s wheel by those who I have met along the way. I say now, I blame no one for my life’s interludes, abrupt endings, or tragic climaxes-- in this moment, I take responsibility for it all and I give thanks to all. In this moment, I tell my story because we only get to go through this life but once!

So whenever...whoever...if ever, someone is to read this journal know this is my story before my moment of greatness. This is my  truth. 

Next Chapter: Dear Dad,