For as long as Patience could remember, it rained on Halloween. 

It was never a full-on thunderstorm, but it drizzled enough that if you stayed out for more than fifteen minutes at a time, you’d be drenched. Coupled with the fall breeze, even if her mother had allowed it, trick or treating would have been a difficult endeavor to find enjoyment in. 

She’d only ever been once, and the experience was so underwhelming it was memorable. Isaiah and Patience had accepted lukewarm hot chocolate so watery it barely deserved to hold the title from Reverend Kidd at the propped open doors of the church before proceeding up and down the streets, collecting toothbrushes, candied apples, and the occasional candy bar. Their mother kept a tight grip on the tall, black collars of their vampire capes, serving them with slaps to the back of the head when they forgot to say thank you to the hands that dipped into their pillowcases. 

Rather than waste her Halloween in such a depressing manner, she’d refused to go after that first year and her mother hadn’t fought her on it because as predicted, Isaiah only wanted to do what she wanted. As soon as she was old enough, she’d ditched her brother and whatever corny B list scary movie her mother made her watch with him for Qway and they made their own tradition. They’d commandeered the ashes of her old church, using the charred bones of the building as shelter for a small party between the two of them every year. Later, Asia and LaToya joined them, and for the last three years, that was how they’d spent their Halloween.

Emoni and Patience arrived first. The empty streets glistened wetly, the few pumpkins that had been carved for the occasion already swollen with darkness. Summer was finally giving way to fall, but it was a constant gamble on which season they would get during different parts of the day; earlier that day, the thermometer had peaked at seventy-two degrees, but as they walked the short distance from Patience’s house to the building, she was sure that it couldn’t have been more than fifty-one. The breeze tore through the thin clothing she wore as if they weren’t there to begin with, and she regretted wearing shorts.

“What happened to it?” Emoni asked suddenly, her voice laden with awe as she pulled open the front doors, wincing at the way they groaned on the old hinges. 

She shrugged, turning her phone’s flashlight onto its brightest setting as she held open the heavy wood door. It still barely managed to cut through the darkness inside the entrance. “Nobody really knows what happened. It ain’t haunted or nothing like that; nobody died but it just don’t make no sense. It went around for a while that it was an electrical fire but there ain’t really much electrical here, so I don’t know about all that.” 

She stopped in the center aisle, dropping their supplies between the only two pews that hadn’t been consumed by the fire years earlier. Two party sized bags of Cool Ranch flavored Doritos, a bottle of grape Vess soda, a bottle of Bacardi and a small red camping lantern spilled onto the floor at her feet. She stooped over, scraping them into a small pile next to the leg of the pew. Bubbles rose to the top of the soda, creating a thin layer that she eyed suspiciously. It probably wasn’t enough to cause trouble, but just to be sure she would have Qway open it first.  

Beneath the pew rested three camping lanterns. Honey colored light created a small bubble around them as Patience flipped the switch on one of them, casting shadows on everything outside of its reach. It was only once everything was set that she realized she was alone with Emoni; she could feel her eyes resting on the back of her neck as she stiffened, immediately straightening to her full height. 

“This is a nice place to have a party,” She commented after Patience turned around, pushing her hands into the pockets of her frayed grey jeans. 

She shrugged once more, but the ease with which she had moved before was gone. “Yeah. Believe it or not, it looks better like this.” She gestured to the blackened altar where Pastor Rolland worked himself up so much so often she had once timed how long it took for the dark stains to seep out from underneath his arms. The answer was not long.

That wasn’t long, but how long would it be before Qway arrived?

He was the only one that could both drive and had a car, so he had been tasked with picking everyone up outside of Emoni. She lived farther away, and so as not to have Qway drive over an hour back and forth to pick her up, she’d had her father drop her off at Patience’s house. Between her daddy meeting James and Patience fussing over the state of the house just in case Emoni happened to see anything around his body, there had been no time to be stressed about it being the two of them until Qway arrived.

Here, they so easily fell into silence. Patience nervously began to sweep soot from the remaining pews in preparation of when the others would arrive. It was the type of quiet that hurt her ears, but she didn’t want to break it and somehow expose herself. She gave up when her palms turned completely grey. She plopped into one of the pews, leaving her legs hanging out in the aisle. She had long since made peace - or at least told herself that she had -that her face was just always going to be hot when she was around Emoni.

Out of the corner of her eye, Patience watched as she moved about the room, bits of wood and stained glass that littered the floor crunching beneath her feet. Finally, she lowered herself into the pew next to Patience.

Their thighs touched and Patience jumped as if she’d been shocked, cramming herself into the corner as best she could to create a bit of space between them. A sharp thunk echoed throughout the room as her foot knocked the bottle of vodka over.

Emoni laughed. “You act like I’m going to bite you or something.”
When Patience didn’t return the sentiment, she shook her head and tried again. “You know I wouldn’t do that unless you asked.”

Patience’s head swiveled on her shoulders and she stared at her, her brain full of nothing but static.

Emoni’s movement barely registered in her mind – she was still in the process of rewriting the events of the evening thus far to fit her sense of reality – when she felt the other girl draw closer.

“Can I kiss you?” Emoni asked like she always did, and Patience hated how she looked at her as she did. Like she was a skittish animal, one that she had to offer her fingertips to before she got too close. 

Awkward. There was no better word to describe the way that her body automatically turned her torso towards her as she nodded jerkily. It showed in the way that she had no idea what to do with her hands, the clumsy manner in which she struggled to respond. 

Emoni was patient. She waited for the stiffness to melt away before Patience felt her hand rest on her cheek, a warm spot amongst the cold. Patience ached to do the same, or to maybe run her fingers through her hair. It always struck her how soft it looked, but then again, that was Emoni. Soft. 

She only had Owl or Darius to compare Emoni to, and she did each and every time they touched. Kissing either one of them felt like what she imagined it would be like to kiss a fish. Too much tongue, wet, and it made her feel sick. They were all hard lines, edges and rough skin.

There already wasn’t enough air to breath. She had to remind herself that she was okay, repeating it in her head over and over. 

“I still ain’t into that gay shit.” Patience stated breathily when they parted, her heart in her ears.

Emoni lifted her hands, palms facing outward in a display of peace. “Okay.”

Patience had known her long enough to know that that was nothing more than her way of disarming her, hoping to avoid confrontation. For the smaller things, it would have been fine; she could do it when they disagreed on what flavor of ice cream was the best, which place they should order pizza from while they stayed after school in the library together. But not this.

“Ain’t no ‘okay.’” She mumbled, but she was ready to let it go. It was easier to do that than to talk about it.

Emoni was quiet for less than a full heartbeat. “It’s okay if you like me, you know.” 

The switch in the atmosphere was instant. “How the hell you know I like you?” She’d never said it aloud. She’d never done anything to act on it. It was always Emoni who took things a step too far, who made their hugs last a second too long, who always smiled that smile when she saw Patience. She had no right. 

“It’s okay,” She repeated, arching a brow. “We’re just two people who like each other. You may not want to admit it, but I like you. I always catch you staring at me so I know you like me. Why is that such a bad thing?”

“Because it is.” Patience stated firmly, ignoring the heat in her cheeks at having been caught. “It’s in the bible. It ain’t nothing but trouble.”

“Where?”

“It don’t matter where. It just is.” She’d never gone looking for a specific scripture; to her, to find the words written out plain for her to see was irrelevant. Not knowing where it was didn’t make it any less true. 

Emoni rolled her eyes. “That’s a shit argument and you know it.” She lowered her voice, moving closer until Patience could smell the fragrance she wore full throttle. Citrus and some kind of wood. “And I bet you don’t even believe it. Either way, I know you at least like me more than you like Darius.”

Had the two of them not heard a car door slam, there was no telling where the conversation would have gone.

Although she knew it was impossible for them to know just by looking at her, Patience couldn’t meet any of their eyes without heat flooding her cheeks. She felt no obligation nor desire to tell any of them besides Qway, and even then, she didn’t want to tell him right away; she wanted to live in the afterglow a little longer before all of the questions flooded in, before the new information could be spoiled. They’d held hands before, hugged, and Emoni had even developed the habit of kissing her on the cheek when they parted ways at the end of a school day. It had taken Patience a while to get used to that one. Never had Emoni just come outright and admitted that she liked her. It didn’t matter; any elation she felt was tainted. 

What would her mother say? Her dad? Her grandmother? There was no way she could bring a girl to the Thanksgiving dinner and expect to come away with family intact. 

That night, when all of the goodbyes were out of the way, she rushed past her mother, who sat on the couch with a bowl of popcorn watching Snapped. She tossed out a flimsy excuse that she forgot as soon as she said it before hiding out in the safety of her room. She felt that if she allowed her mother to lay eyes on her for more than a fleeting moment, she would know that something was going on, or worse, she would be able to see her memories within her head. 

Patience put it off for as long as she could; brushed her teeth at the pace of a snail, changed into a pair of shorts and a clean t shirt, painted her nails her favorite shade of burnt orange. 

She considered showering, moving her wash day up. Doing something with her hair would take care of her hands, but it was monotonous work; her mind would be left to wander. In the end, she dove under her blankets, turning her phone’s volume to zero, navigating to the only porn site she’d ever explored. 

She clenched the blanket tighter around her, hoping that it shielded her from God’s eyes as the video loaded. She hadn’t thought about Him in a while, but for the first time in a long time she felt as if he were right there with her, judging her as she examined the two women on screen with mild interest and overwhelming embarrassment as their bodies intertwined. In the end, she lasted only five minutes before it became too much and she buried her face into her pillow, releasing a muted yell.

The video meant nothing. It did nothing for her as far as she could tell, except maybe it made her want to crack open her brain and attempt to pluck the memory out. But when she thought about kissing Emoni, dragons battled in her stomach. It seemed like solid enough evidence that she wasn’t broken; that she could enjoy being with someone. 

She was used to people taking from her. Owl usually didn’t ask, and he definitely didn’t like to wait; if he wanted something from her, he did it himself and she went along with it. Darius did the same; if she didn’t let him hold her hand while they walked down the hall, or if she didn’t kiss him back when they met at the end of the day, they’d be screaming at each other in the front seat of his car right up until he dropped her off. Either that, or he’d make her take the bus. With Emoni, she always knew she had a choice.

“Bitch. You couldn’t tell me? I could tell you ain’t really fuck with me like I fucked with you; you just ain’t like niggas.” It was the first time Patience had heard something like anger in Owl’s voice since they’d come together again. 

She gave him a sideways glance. “And who told you that? Like I said; I ain’t gay. I just ain’t like you niggas. Ya’ll wasn’t shit and besides; we was ass together and you know it. And what the hell I tell you about calling me a bitch? I’ll show you a bitch, try me.” The threat was empty; she knew he didn’t mean it just as he knew she hadn’t really taken offense to it. 

He stared hard at the side of her face, his expression unreadable. She ignored him. The bowl in her lap warmed her hands, the instant ramen inside giving off an artificial chicken scent. Folding her legs beneath her, she sank further into the couch that, in her Heaven, was almost too clean. 

Finally, she turned to look at him with a mouthful of noodles and arched a brow. He conceded, jutting out his lower lip.

“Yeah, yeah we was.” The admission settled like dust between them. “But only because yo’ goofy ass could never calm down.”

“Man, whatever. You know damn well it wasn’t just me.”

He chewed loudly, smacking his lips as he did so. Patience swiftly reached out and pinched his thigh. He laughed, and then a moment later was choking on the noodles caught in his throat.

“Whatever you gotta tell yo’self to sleep at night, shawty.”

She rolled her eyes but didn’t move away when he inched towards her, their shoulders resting against each other’s. For the first time that she could think of, they settled into a comfortable silence.

Next Chapter: 27