690

Cerji

While working on my Social Studies essay I hear a knock. My mom enters half smiling. With only a few weeks till my sixteenth birthday, I assume she wants to discuss my party. I have no interest. I don’t want a party.

"Can we talk?"

 I nod as I make room for her to sit on the bed.

She looks pale or sick as she sits beside me.

   "What’s wrong?"

"Not much, we need to talk. Nothing bad I promise. You will be sixteen in a few days. I think it is time for you to know things we have kept from you. We only kept them from you to keep you safe. Remember that."

She takes her time getting to the point. I have homework to finish. Is that why she’s in here? Crap! She notices the panic on my face so she continues.

"There are things I want you to know about me. I ask that if you have questions; you ask them without fear, I won’t lie to you OK. I am the same person I have always been, I will never change."

I nod.

"Do you remember me telling you about my parent’s murder? How that man who killed them attacked Liane?"

   "Yes," I say confused.

"You understand what rape is right? You understand men like that walk the streets every day. They hurt people. Like what happened to Liane when she was only seven?"

   "Yes, I understand."

"The man who attacked Liane worked for my father. This same man killed his little girl years before that night. He had changed his identity so no one knew who he was when he worked for our father. He thought he loved Liane and my parents were keeping her from him. So he killed them.’

‘When Liane turned thirteen, we, Liane, and I killed that man."

My head is so light. I feel sick. Once my mother comes back into focus, all I can say is, "I’m sorry, you what?"

"Yes Cerji, I took the life of the man who murdered my parents and hurt your Aunt."

I have no real words; "Did you go to prison?"

"No. Our Aunt Misty helped with that."

   "Helped with what?"

"With keeping us free from trouble. He had a few false identities. No one knew him or how to track him even if they did they wouldn’t have found him."

I keep trying to picture my Aunt and mother killing someone; it didn’t fit. I couldn’t imagine them killing another human. They are both so kind and loving. This isn’t possible.

What if someone killed my family? Could I kill them? I think this through for a long minute while my mother watches me. With little thought, I realize if someone hurts my family then, yes. Yes, I could kill them and I wouldn’t care if I go to jail.

   "Why tell me this now?"

"Well, it’s not something we discuss, Other than Liane; your sister is the only person on the planet who knows. It must stay that way. I don’t like keeping things from you. None of us does. Learning things about us is a great responsibility. We think you are ready to know and understand everything we do."

   "Layla knows?"

"Yes, your sister has known since she was around your age."

   "Why tell me now?" Impatient that she hasn’t answered me.

"I wanted you to be old enough to understand. I didn’t want you to judge me or look at me as a horrible person. I can’t change how you see what we did, but I can help you see why we did it, to understand who we are. I wanted to make sure you could handle this."

   "Is there more?"

"Yes."

   "How much more is there?"

"More," she smiles. "Let’s start here, the rest will come. I’m always here for you. I only ask you to try to be discreet about this around others. Will you do that for me? People mustn’t know what we did."

I nod as she walks out of my room. Now alone with my thoughts, I replay every word we spoke.