I’m six months away from turning 40 and I have no idea who I am as an individual. In life I’m a mom blessed with two special needs children who I cherish, a girlfriend, a pro-bono therapist to friends, a daughter, a sister, and an employee.

Who am I without those titles? That’s the big question.

At times I hear my spirit cry out to me like the lyrics in Rihanna’s song Desperado, coaxing me to escape the conformity that I’ve lived in for years. Determined to show myself that I’m more than the labels I carry, I’m an individual and what God put down inside of me is Amazing! I would often ignore those cries from my spirit and stick to pleasing others, scared that I would offend or lose them, constantly pushing myself away and telling myself that I could put my needs on hold for a bit just to make them happy or keep them comfortable. I said this to myself often and before I knew it, I looked up at 39yrs old realizing I haven’t gotten to know myself at all. I was a mess, I was broke and in debt, I was broken, I was bitter, self conscious, unfocused, insecure and damn near depressed. However, at the same time I was desperate and hopeful that I will be successful in life, that I would be able to save myself from the mess I hid in.

Firstly I made a vow to myself for the six months leading up to my 40th.. "Start to get your shit all the way together!" Simple as that.

As I agreed to work on myself I can feel my spirit get excited she begins to sing and Milly Rock to the tunes of Rihanna’s Desperado again "Once I’m gone ain’t no going back.."