Chapter 3

Lex awoke to the sound of a text message.

Lo Lo: Sorry about last night, I just don’t want you to jump into anything. Not my place though. Forgives?

Lex: Of course. I’m still foggy on it all but yeah I forgives you. You at work?

Lo Lo: Yeah. Will you be gracing us today on your merry of days off?

Lex: I am sure I will. I need something to watch I forgot to grab something last night before I left.

Lo Lo: Too busy sucking face to remember huh?

Lex: Are you done?

Lo Lo: Yes.

Lex threw his phone unto the bed and got dressed but as soon as he pulled on his pants he heard it buzz again.

Sara: Ok, so what I’m ready to take the Lake Placid test.

Lex smiled and sat on the edge of the bed.

Lex: Are you sure? I’m pretty rough on people.

Sara: I highly doubt that soft lips.

Lex went red. He had never had a girl hit on him if that is what Sara was doing. Girls were always more timid around him. He had never really been around a strong willed girl besides Chloe but she was a pussy cat under all the spikes. He didn’t really know how to proceed.

Lex: Ok then, who was your favorite character and why?

Sara: Easy, Delores because Betty White is hard to beat no matter what genre.

Lex: Correct. Scale of one to ten, how good would you rate this movie?

Sara: 8 but only because it has a Harry Potter actor in it.

Lex: Correct again. Ok last one and this makes or breaks this test. Pro crocodile in this movie or was it ok to kill it?

Sara: Pro croc all the way. He was ancient and was just trying to live like a humungous crocodile does.

Lex: Oh you were so close. You failed. I’m going to have to revoke your movie watcher license. You can reapply in the Fall.

Sara: Well it was nice knowing you. Thanks for being a pretentious ass. I would please like to take back the kiss as well. It wasn’t really yours in the first place.

Lex: Umm no refunds. Sorry.

Sara: Well then you are just going to have to keep me then. ;)

Lex looked at the smiley face with such horror and confusion. Was he just winked at electronically? He wasn’t sure what to make of it. Did it mean she was being serious or that it was a joke? The nature of that certain emoticon made him feel as if the world wasn’t real. Lex was very new to this and didn’t know how to respond so he did what came best to him: he ignored it. Lex put his phone down and just walked away.

The whole time he was in the shower he couldn’t stop thinking about the wink. Did she do it on accident? Was it supposed to be a regular smile that meant nothing but “Hey we are becoming friends, I like that” or was it “I want to have sexual intercourse with you and this is how I initiate that” Lex was pretty positive about it not being the last one but ultimately he had no clue.

Lex went about his morning ignoring the phone laying face down on his bed. He did everything possible not to check it and see if Sara had sent another cryptic message that would cause him to freak out even further than he already was but he knew he couldn’t avoid it forever. Just as he was about to leave he heard the buzz from the across the house. He crept into his room like an army commando sneaking up on a fellow soldier. He acted as if something would happen if his phone knew he was coming for it. Lex snatched the phone off the bed like someone would snatch a fish straight out of the water.

Sara: I’m just going to get to the point. I want to buy you dinner and I am not really going to take no for an answer. Meet me at the Plank tonight at 6. I am shutting my phone off right now so don’t bother making excuses. See you then.

Lex dropped his phone like it had become too hot to hold. Who was this girl? Lex wondered what he had gotten himself into. He wasn’t really sure if he liked it or he was scared to death. Lex tried to call her to make some sort of sense out of it but it turned out she wasn’t bluffing: he was sent straight to voicemail. Lex panic level was through the roof. He ran to the only girl he knew for advice even though after last night’s incident he wasn’t sure if she would even listen to his problem.

“Hey Lexy, why are you sweating so bad?” asked Chloe while helping a customer.

“Read this” said Lex giving Chloe his phone open to the text messages from Sara. Chloe read with her mouth wide open trying hard to not scoff full outright at every word she read. She finished and handed the phone back to him her face turning an uncomfortable shade of red.

“I think you should stand her up” said Chloe flatly.

“Really? Isn’t that kind of mean?” asked Lex spinning in circles on a stool.

“Well it depends on how you look at it now doesn’t it? I mean the way I see it she is being way too forward to be respectable. Girls like the spell danger in my book” said Chloe trying to keep her hands busy by scanning in dvds.

“She seems nice though. I just don’t know how to act around girls Lo Lo” said Lex still spinning.

“What the hell am I then Alexander” said Chloe.

“Whoa, you have never called me that before” answered Lex.

“Well, I don’t think you have quite offended me in such a way before that caused me to use your full name” said Chloe turning a deeper red. Lex looked at her and tried to read what was going on but Lex knew that he was horrible at reading. “Lo Lo you are my best friend. I have never even thought of you as having a vagina” said Lex trying to smooth things over.

“Well Lex, I have one, always have and most likely always will and until you realize that I don’t really have anything more to say to you” said Chloe grabbing a stack of dvds and walking away.

Lex blinked his eyes trying to make what just happened go away. He came in looking for help and answers and now was more confused than ever.

Lex walked out without saying goodbye to avoid another confusing blowup. He just went back up this his house, flipped on his stereo, and crashed hard into his bed. He lay still mulling over the events of the day trying frantically to make sense out of something. Nothing came. Even the words to the songs he knew so well seemed to mean completely different things. Lex was not used to this at all. Since he became an adult his life has been pretty much the same. He was used to just working and hanging out and not doing anything really outside of those things.

Lex felt that his head may explode. He shut his eyes and tried hard to focus on things he knew would never change like the end of the Goonies. They would all make it out of the cave feeling bad that they lost all that treasure but then the old Spanish lady would find the jewels and save the day. Thinking of this helped Lex relax but he relaxed too much and just fell asleep.

Lex awoke to the feeling of his hand vibrating. He opened his eyes and noticed it was now dark outside. He glanced down at his phone and saw a message from Sara.

Sara: Warning text. T minus 5 minutes until our date, yes it’s a date. Phone turning off again. See you soon.

Lex tried to call her but once again was sent to voicemail. He cursed his luck and jumped up to get ready. He had never been on a date before. He had been out with a girl that he was dating but it wasn’t ever really a date. He never had to pick her up and drop her off like dates were in movies. He just always ended up being someone else’s boyfriend without his knowledge and then it was too late to back out.

He rummaged through his clothes trying to find something that didn’t scream “single guy who doesn’t know how to dress” while not being too fancy to put her out if she dressed ultra casual. Lex once again was lost. He landed on a pair of jeans that he never wore because they were kind of tight in the butt region but they were the cleanest pair he owned. He also wore a black short sleeve button up with a black and grey long sleeve shirt underneath. He tried to do something with his hair but everything he did just made him feel like he was trying too hard.

He looked at his phone and realized he was going to be more late than anyone should be given an entire days notice to get ready. He rushed out of the house and sped all the way to the restaurant.

Lex had never been to his place before but when he entered it he understood why it was called Plank. Just as he opened the door a garishly dressed pirate jumped out of nowhere. Lex jumped and almost fell over.

“Welcome to the Plank matey, are you ready to take a walk?” said the pirate in the best pirate voice Lex had ever heard. Lex nodded trying to find his words. The restaurant was bombarding him from every angle. There were what seemed liked hundreds of stuffed parrots beaming at him from every corner. All of the employees were dressed just as flamboyant as the host but all seemed less enthused.

“I think I am meeting someone here” said Lex looking past the pirate waiter for Sara.

“Are you Lex?” asked the pirate waiter. Lex stared back confused.

“uhh yeah? How’d you know that?” asked Lex in utter bewilderment.

“Oh, we were informed by your wench that it may be your birthday!” shouted the pirate waiter. Lex froze and a shiver ran up his spine. He hated being the center of attention and especially being sung to. Just before he could do anything the pirate waiter snapped a pirate hat on his head and pushed him into the restaurant followed by six teenagers all wearing pirate costumes. Lex was embarrassed as everyone in the place was staring at him and clapping along with the pirates as they marched and sang a sea shanty.

Sara was sitting at booth set way far in the back of the room and it was shaped like the front of a ship. Above where they were seated was an impressive wooden mermaid. Lex was admiring it as he was seated next to Sara right underneath it. Sara was smiling and laughing and clapping along. Lex was furious but didn’t want it to show so he smiled big and fake for everyone to see.

As soon as he was seated and handed a menu the pirate crew disbanded and he was left sitting alone with Sara.

“Happy birthday Lex The Great” said Sara smiling at him.

“Could you please just shoot me in the foot next time?” asked Lex still perturbed. Sara took out a small black moleskin notebook and jotted something down.

“Got it, doesn’t-like-surprises” said Sara pressing her tongue against the front of her teeth. Lex was mad but still couldn’t resist how cute she looked.

“It’s not that I don’t like surprises I just like to know about them before hand” said Lex trying to shake off the feeling of everyone’s eyes.

“Well then you are going to hate it when they come back and sing you happy birthday while making you walk an actual plank into a 6 foot deep ball-pit” said Sara hiding sheepishly behind her menu. Lex dropped his head and let out a massive sigh.

“Is that really going to happen?” he asked.

“Umm let’s say No and be surprised later on” said Sara from behind her menu.

“Ok, so this was fun but I better be going” said Lex while shuffling toward the end of the booth but was stopped abruptly by a pair of immensely soft hands wrapped around his face. Sara pulled him into her and kissed him again. Lex was more ready for it this time than he had been before but he also felt like everyone must still be staring and it made him really self conscious. He loved feeling her lips upon his though and it made all of his worries just kind of melt away. She pulled away from him and pulled up her menu.

“So what are you going to have?” asked Sara like nothing even happened. Lex scooted in closer to her and read his menu.

“Do you like fish?” asked Sara

“I made a deal with a fish a long time ago that I wouldn’t eat anything that spent most of its life in water” answered Lex trying to find something on the menu without seafood in it.

“Oh well this isn’t really a good place to take you for your birthday then” said Sara still looking for something.

“I’ll just get clucks and planks” said Lex while putting down his menu and turning to look at Sara.

Lex thought she was probably the most beautiful girl he had ever been in close proximity of, besides the time he met Gillian Anderson at comic con. He was just blown away by her. Her skin was almost flawless except for couple of chicken pox scars on her right temple that matched the ones he had. Her teeth were not all the way straight but for some reason made her even more appealing. Lex just drank in her appearance until she looked up and noticed. He tried to play it cool but she was too quick for him.

“Did you finally figure it out?” asked Sara.

“Figure what out?” asked Lex.

“That I used to be a dude, I know it’s probably a deal breaker right?” said Sara putting down her menu.

“Used to be a dude, I thought you still were one” said Lex. Sara let a laugh slip out but came right back.

“But you used to be a women right? With eyes like those, you had to be. Men don’t have pretty eyes” said Sara matter of fact like.

“Well my eyes are female, stole them from a dead girl that I found near a creek. I found the body with a few friends of mine while were walking the train tracks one day” said Lex trying to not let the eye compliment shake him.

“Was that before or after you pulled leeches off of your penis?” asked Sara. It was Lex this time who let a laugh slip. They both started laughing until a sad looking waitress came to take their order.

The waitress was really short and her uniform looked like a squirrel had stolen it and packed it deep within a hole burrowed in the bottom of a chestnut tree. She smelled like cigarettes and solitude. She wore thick black eye shadow all the way around her eyes and it gave her the look of a raccoon that is dying of cancer. Her skin was so pale she almost seemed see through. Her name was Chamonix.

“Hello and welcome to the briny deep, my name is Cha-mo-nay” she pointed to her name tag for every syllable “and I will be taking your order.” She spoke in a uncontrollable monotone. Lex tried to keep from laughing and he could tell Sara was fighting the same bug.

“Can I get you something to drink other than water?” asked Chamonix while she avoided direct eye contact. She seemed like Lex and Sara were bothering her just being there.

“I’m good with water but my companion here will take a Grog” said Sara. Lex tried to say something but she walked away without turning around.

“What’s Grog?” asked Lex turning to Sara.

“Well I know you love surprises…” she let the end of her sentence trail off as if it were a good enough explanation. They sat in silence for a few minutes before Chamonix came back holding a regular size glass of water and a bucket size cup of bubbling liquid.

“Plank would like thank you for ordering our house special Grog. We have to inform you that the dry ice in your drink is negative one hundred and nine degree so be careful” she said with the same monotone voice looking directly at the ceiling. Lex looked over the top of his drink and was completely afraid of it. “Are you ready to order?”

“Yes! I’ll have the treasure chest please” said Sara handing her menu over.

“I’ll have the clucks and planks please” said Lex. Chamonix took the menus and turned and walked away. They sat in silence watching Lex’s drink bubble and shoot jets of smoke.

“Aren’t you going to try your drink” asked Sara in a mockingly sweet voice. Lex turned to her and then back to his drink wanting desperately to run for the door but bit the bullet and took a drink.

An explosion of flavors bathed the inside of Lex’s mouth. His saliva glands pulsed with excitement as he drank. It was amazingly sweet but not too sweet to be undrinkable. It tasted like strawberries mixed with coconut and pineapple juice with a hint of lemon thrown in. Lex loved it; it was quite possibly his new favorite drink.

“Holy shit” said Lex pulling away from his drink.

“I know right?” said Sara excited. “I love it but it is always too big for me to drink alone so I never get it.”

“Do you want some?” asked Lex pushing the bucket her way. She picked up her water glass and emptied it in a nearby plant, which Lex was pretty sure was not real, and then dipped her cup in the bucket.

“This needs something else, to spice it up. You know what I mean?” she asked digging in her purse. Lex was not much of a drinker so he was kind of bummed to hear this. Drunk girls just never really appealed to him. He always felt that when he was growing up he had more important things to do than experiment with drugs and alcohol and since Chloe had an abusive alcoholic father she never touched the stuff. It made it easier for him to always distance himself from it as well.

Lex watched as she pulled out two long neon green crazy straws and popped them into his and her drinks. Lex laughed and felt the unease just melt away. Lex thought she couldn’t be weirder but he was really starting to like her. He took a drink through his straw and watched it change from green to pink.

From this point on Lex felt better about being around Sara. She was fun. Lex decided that she wasn’t anything to be worried about and anyone who could bust his chops as well as she did was worth hanging out with.

The rest of the date went smoothly. They talked a lot and got to know about each other. Lex found out that she had two siblings, an older brother named Adam and a younger sister named Farah. She had a pretty close relationship with her family but moved away to become her own person. She had moved to the Pacific Northwest to get away from the mild weather and nothing of the Midwest. She hated being too hot and loved being cold. Winter was her favorite season and her favorite band was Radiohead.

Lex really enjoyed listening to her talk because it never seemed like she would ever run out of things to say. He loved the way her lips moved and how she only had dimples when she laughed.

They talked until the restaurant closed and Lex was happy because he didn’t have to walk the plank after all. For being a first date he felt that it was going really well.

“So, I guess we should call it a night eh?” asked Sara as Lex walked her to her car.

“I guess so. I had a really good birthday, thanks to you” said Lex jokingly.

“When is your birthday by the way?” asked Sara.

“December 15th” said Lex.

“No, it is NOT” shouted Sara pushing him hard. Lex wasn’t ready and actually fell to the ground.

“Oh my god! I am so sorry!” said Sara trying to pull Lex off the ground. Lex was embarrassed but tried to play it off.

“Oh it’s ok. I actually prefer seeing the ground like this” said Lex getting to his feet.

“I am so sorry, really I am. Oh Sara you ass” said Sara unlocking her car door so Lex couldn’t see how red her face was. Sara opened the door and sat down on the edge of the seat and looked up at Lex.

“Please kiss me so I can go home and not feel like I ruined everything by being me” said Sara. Lex hesitated for a second before leaning in and kissing her. Every time they kissed it seemed to get better to Lex. He had never really cared for kissing but for some reason when he was kissing Sara something in his brain lit up like a pinball machine.

She pulled away and said goodnight. He waved as she drove away still not knowing why she had pushed him but felt that it must not have mattered. Lex walked slowly back to his car not ready for the night to be over. He thought about going to Hardly’s to meet up with Chloe and Jack but was afraid of what Chloe would say if she knew he was starting to fall for Sara. He also thought that she should be happy for him and not freak out like she did the night before but he didn’t really want to take that chance.

Lex decided against it and just headed home. He would just tell her in the morning while they were at work so if she did react badly she would hold it in since there would be people around.

Lex drove home with a big smile on his face thinking about what would happen next with Sara. He wasn’t really sure what he wanted in the first place. He hadn’t really wanted a girlfriend in the past few years so it just kind of left his mind. But Sara seemed like the girlfriend type. She had everything he felt like was needed to go forward but Chloe’s voice was echoing in his head. He really needed her to approve of Sara. He wouldn’t do anything to put a wedge between himself and her. She was his best and only friend; he would be lost without her.

Lex entered his home and flopped down on the bed and thought harder about Sara. He couldn’t think of anything about her that he disliked. He even enjoyed the way she walked. His pocket buzzed.

Sara: Did you make it home in one piece?

Lex: Yes and only one more girl I barely know pushed me to the ground and then sped off in her car.

Sara: Yeah sorry about that again, I’m kind of a spaz when it comes to being around other living people. It’s ok if you want to be done with me now, I would.

Lex: The jury is still out but why did you push me down?

Sara: Oh my birthday is December 15th.

Lex: Now the pushing me to the ground makes total sense.

Sara: I thought it would and now I am free to not feel bad about it.

Lex: My bloody knee says different.

Sara: For serious?

Lex: Yeah, it’s probably going to have to be amputated. Where should I send the bill?

Sara: …

Lex: I have no clue where that is? Do you live on a constellation that I know nothing about?

Sara: You are a delightful ass, did you know that?

Lex: Yes, yes I did, it’s actually my middle name Alexander delightfulass Houston.

Sara: What is your real middle name?

Lex: I don’t have one.

Sara: Shut up, yes you do. Everyone has one. You’re not that cool.

Lex: For real Sara, I only have an initial. Not a full name. My parent’s kind of suck.

Sara: Wow. So what letter is it?

Lex: I won’t give that up without something in return.

Sara: What do you want?

Lex: What’s your middle name?

Sara: I can’t tell you that, you’ll make fun of me like everyone else has.

Lex: Do I strike you as someone who makes jokes? Come on, really?

Sara: Promise you won’t make fun of it ok? If you ever say it how you think it I will kill you.

Lex: Deal.

Sara: Lee.

Lex: Like “Nobody doesn’t like?”

Sara: You get one and that was it.

Lex: Damn…I should have saved it.

Sara: I really like you Lex, I don’t really know a lot of people here.

Lex: Really?

Sara: Yes, I really like you.

Lex: I meant that you really didn’t know anyone…

Sara: Oh, then forget that last text. Never happened.

Lex: No, I think I really like you too.

Sara: You think? Am I on a waiting list or something?

Lex; I like to call it my probationary period. You have to meet one of my friends before I can upgrade you to full time status.

Sara: What the hell does that mean? And who is this friend that runs your life for you?

Lex: Her name is Chloe and she runs my life because I am worthless when it comes to being an adult and she isn’t. I trust her with my life.

Sara; I can dig that. Well goodnight birthday boy.

Lex: Goodnight Sara. When will I see you again?

Sara: Tuesday.

Lex: Deal.

Lex put down his phone and got ready for bed. He put his head on his pillow and said “Today was a famously good day” and fell soundly to sleep.

Next Chapter: Chapter 1