Wait, woah, hold on... I might be severely misreading... Above it said Kyle went to the hideout while Roland entered the recapture building. I thought they were in separate places! (Which is what made me think the conversation was a flashback - also it started with ’when his father first purchased’ - which set it back to the past.) And now they’re back together... Anyway, I’ll read on from here, but I think the movements through space and time need a little clarification.

I know this is a flashback, but it’s kind of throwing me off a little. The chapter started from Kyle’s pov, then switched to Roland’s in an entirely separate setting, which wasn’t terrible or anything. Only now we’re in a conversation between them and it’s getting to be too many situational splits here. 

I really like how you’ve taken your story’s philosophy / point of view and worked it into the worldbuilding. It’s the foundation for the IRIS corporation, which makes the IRIS androids, which are going to, no doubt, play a central role in the events. This is a great place to plant this seed. Very cool.

Agreed. Open with the image of these broken down, dusty ’people’ lined up outside, like as if there’s something interesting inside the shop... Only it’s just a couple guys having breakfast. This creates questions for readers: Who are these guys? What are the people waiting outside for? Why aren’t they moving? And then, you answer them by having Kyle and Roland getting to work.

You’re a damn fine writer - you clearly define the image of Kyle’s father., really well done. But that aside, I’m trying to think like an editor/literary agent, and I think that if you OPEN the book with this, it won’t hook readers quite as well. (Again, I’m no expert, but that’s the effect I see.) You can describe Kyle’s father later. There has to be something else more interesting going on in this world to draw us in. Amanda made a comment below that I totally agree with.