I know this is a flashback, but it’s kind of throwing me off a little. The chapter started from Kyle’s pov, then switched to Roland’s in an entirely separate setting, which wasn’t terrible or anything. Only now we’re in a conversation between them and it’s getting to be too many situational splits here.
“But why, why can’t they have free will,” asked Kyle
I really like how you’ve taken your story’s philosophy / point of view and worked it into the worldbuilding. It’s the foundation for the IRIS corporation, which makes the IRIS androids, which are going to, no doubt, play a central role in the events. This is a great place to plant this seed. Very cool.
“The mind becomes unique the second it turns on, like your mind Kyle, there will never be someone with your exact mind, that uniqueness is what separates IRIS machines from all others
Agreed. Open with the image of these broken down, dusty ’people’ lined up outside, like as if there’s something interesting inside the shop... Only it’s just a couple guys having breakfast. This creates questions for readers: Who are these guys? What are the people waiting outside for? Why aren’t they moving? And then, you answer them by having Kyle and Roland getting to work.
Just some minor rearrangements / suggestions. It doesn’t change anything, just repositions the already really engaging elements you already have.
A few dozen IRIS bots already lined up outside the small building with the sign overhead Recapture Station 1
You’re a damn fine writer - you clearly define the image of Kyle’s father., really well done. But that aside, I’m trying to think like an editor/literary agent, and I think that if you OPEN the book with this, it won’t hook readers quite as well. (Again, I’m no expert, but that’s the effect I see.) You can describe Kyle’s father later. There has to be something else more interesting going on in this world to draw us in. Amanda made a comment below that I totally agree with.
Under his overalls he wore a dark red and grey with brown lining plaid button up, a gift from Harold his handyman on his 48th birthday last year.
Poet, Taxonomist, Reader of good novels of any genre.
Yup... Suspicions confirmed. Godammit.
In the book’s description, you wrote it’s about depression, and I think you’re building a really, really solid - and most importantly BELIEVABLE - foundation. I’m not the most familiar YA reader in the world, but you’re really nailing the voice of a depressed teenager.
