FROM THE BLOG DIARY OF EMILY HUNTER

Entry #2: July 17, 2013

So this week, the assignment is to be a little more forthcoming.

Yeah, assignment.  This blog isn’t entirely my idea.  And while I am getting credit for listening to my therapist and actually starting it (not something she was entirely sure I would do), the goal is to not hold back.  So I guess I should re-introduce myself.

My name is Emily Hunter.  I have been diagnosed with schizophrenia.  Specifically, my files say "auditory and visual hallucinations and nihilistic delusions."  Currently I am in partial remission.  (How’s that for forthcoming?)

In simpler terms, I am fucked up.

Now notice that I’m not saying the government is out to get me.  I am not currently wearing a tin-foil hat.  Schizophrenia is not something that is very fairly represented in popular media.  We aren’t all rocking in corners, babbling incoherently, and screaming at shadows.  (I have lived with those people though, and some of the stories they tell are better than anything you’ll ever see on TV.)  I can hold a conversation, I can hold a job.  I keep track of my own medication (Clonazepam twice a day for anxiety, clozaril, one in the morning, four at night, and one shot of haloperidol and a blood draw every two weeks.  The chloropromazine gave me a fever when I was 21 and put me in the hospital for a week and a half.)

Here’s what they don’t tell you about anti-psychotic medication:  It’s good for your mind, but shit for your body.  It makes you feel drowsy, achy, constipated, and just generally miserable.

I seem to be breaking records for forthcoming.  Hi, I’m Emily and I can’t poop sometimes.  Nice to meet you.

So yeah, sometimes I see things.  Sometimes I get confused and think strange thoughts.  The meds help, as much as I hate to admit it (and especially since Dr. Harper is reading this.  Hello.) Although I do hate the way they make me feel, but I guess it’s better than some of the fucked up nightmares I used to have.  Sometimes while I was awake.

Sometimes I would see thi

Okay, per the rules I can’t delete anything, but I don’t have to keep typing either.  That’s enough forthcoming for today.

E