You already established she likes him ,so this seems unnecessary to repeat. Her dialogue is a great opportunity to show and not tell.
She is flirting with Jonathan!
Yeah, I don’t like that. I hate when this word is used as a pejorative. I get that you are trying to express through his line of thinking, but this just doesn’t work for me.
Something about this line seems clumsy or awkward to me. Maybe it is all the prepositions in one sentence. Perhaps you should break that up?
Carefully he put the bundle on the shelf beside the window inside the bathroom.
Fledgling writer, social studies teacher, feminist, socialist, nerd, quirkiness enthusiast, and 1/4 ...
Spelling both of them out and then explaining the sound seems strange to me here. Perhaps write out his full name spelled normally, then explain that it is all drunkenly slurred. Otherwise it is a little redundant and confusing, especially since they don’t match- why would you spell is ICK-RUS if it sounded more like ICKA-RUS?
