Writer. Bookseller. Newsletter editor. Diana the Huntress is my muse.
Don’t tell us this information. We end when she is shot on a cliffhanger with a TON of questions. Just blurting out what was in the package robs the scene of one of its major mysteries: What was worth killing her for?
I would end to scene without this information and let us find out about it organically later on in the story.
Alone now, Elizabeth made the connection; the MKIII project was lead by her years ago.
Ooh I like it. In moments like these this is exactly how it feels.
Standing up slowly, she watched her feet taking steps across the glossy tiles.
probably should be: "muscles, bones, and guts." Good ol’ Oxford Comma.
ripping through her muscles bones, and guts.
Where is this chasm on his face. It’s a really good image, I just want to know where it is. Is this his mouth, or is there a gash on his face somewhere?
a raw chasm of puckered flesh
I would end to scene without this information and let us find out about it organically later on in the story.