Vicious Criticism Wanted

Created almost 3 years ago by Brian Marsden with 3 comments
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Lxftacps Brian Marsden · Author · added almost 3 years ago
Ok. I didn’t realize that. Following you now.
Picture Rick Heinz · Author · added almost 3 years ago
Iv’e got feedback but I can’t send it to you unless you follow me. (You can’t send PM’s to people who don’t follow you)
Lxftacps Brian Marsden · Author · added almost 3 years ago
I just put up another draft project and I need some critiquing of the story. I haven’t had much luck at getting people to read it. Even my sister hasn’t braved it. (Or so she says.) It is an odd story. And I want feedback on on it. 

I only have the first chapter up now but will add the 3rd chapter later Friday. Please read them both and let me know what you think of the style and concept. Also read the "About" info at the bottom of the page and tell me what you think.

ps- In posting the chapter, I noticed that I start sentences with "but" way too often. I will try to fix that, for the more literary types. But it is the way I speak...