Nov 9, 2015

Hi Folks,

My campaign seems to have stalled. I have been getting many visitors from FaceBook, but the visitors are not seeing the same promise in my work as you have (and I thank you for that).

I thought perhaps it was too much biographical information, so I removed my biography.

I thought perhaps it was the opening scene where Alaina gets her arm ripped off by a troll, so I removed that scene. I'm posting that scene at the end of this update so you can advise me if the book opens better with or without it.

I'd also appreciate any suggestions you have for boosting my appeal.

In the end, it may be that Inkshares is not the right place to find supporters for Young-Adult and Middle-Grade fiction. But I will keep trying--still two months in the campaign.

You can't imagine how much your support means to me!

Thanks so much,

Bryan

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The Scene in question:

THE TROLL 

 I advanced on the troll slashing my blade back and forth in front of him. I was forcing him backwards into a trap where my squad of eight pixies and a goblin waited to pin him to the ground. I’m small, even for a pixie girl. I’m just under two toadstools high, and the troll was easily three times my size. But my smile was gigantic as I lunged and managed another step forward—another step backwards for the troll. 

I slashed again, but overbalanced, spun halfway around and stretched out my left arm to keep from falling on my face. Instead, with a speed that his ape-like body didn’t look capable of, the troll reached forward, grabbed my arm and twisted. After hearing the snap of a bone and the pop of my arm flying out of its socket, I must have fainted. I don’t remember anything else until I opened my eyes and saw Quillan, my second in command, pouring his canteen of water over my head and face. 

 I choked and coughed and sputtered. Talk about adding insult to injury. You would have thought that I’d suffered enough. A troll had ripped my arm right off my body. Boggling snot! A troll had ripped my arm right off my body! After fainting, I had missed the part where I had been turned into a pixie torch by Kekipi’s goblin-fire attack on the troll. Quillan was just trying to douse the blaze and save my life.