Nov 17, 2015

Extract from Chapter 33 of mystery-comedy novel, 'The Investigations of the Para-Usual':

‘Next!’ called Higgins, the security guard, opening the door to his office out onto the foyer where sat several dog owners with their growling, muzzled charges.

One owner rose from his seat and dragged his sprung-loaded Alsatian across the marble floor.

Five minutes later, dog and master reappeared from Higgins’ inner sanctum and struggled away. Higgins reappeared and looked down the line. More hostile breeds, then sat cross-legged on the last seat, a Labrador. Clearly a man dressed in a dog suit.

‘Next,’ said Higgins, beckoning the disguised Dr Pratt. A security position at the IPU, O’Singh had alluded to at Postman’s Park two days earlier.

Dr Pratt’s Labrador stood up with a small, black leather case slung over one shoulder and padded purposefully towards the office Higgins shared with brooms and a selection of cleaning fluids.

‘Higgins! What the Dickens?’ hollered Woo. Woo strode over from the lifts and across the foyer, surveying with horror the Crufts face-off. Dr Pratt’s Labrador froze. Even before the game had settled on a vertical direction, the game was up, it seemed. Woo must have somehow recognised him.

Higgins stood ramrod straight and prepared to confront Woo.

‘I’m doin’ what you lot do up there,’ squealed Higgins, nodding his head somewhere in the direction of ‘up’ to indicate the upper floors where toiled the white-collar workers.

‘And what might that be?’ asked Woo, slowly circling Higgins.

‘I am interviewin’ with the view to takin’ on a member of staff.’

‘You don’t have staff,’ countered Woo.

‘Ahem!’ coughed Higgins, using the cough as his counterargument. Woo followed Higgins’ eye line to take in the dog candidates.

‘You’re interviewing dogs?’