Dec 3, 2015

Extract from Chapter 40 of mystery-comedy novel, 'The Investigations of the Para-Usual':

‘I enlisted the help of a most capable gentleman from your production team,’ said O’Singh excitedly, lifting the weighty tome.

‘We know cavemen said “Ug!”’ he continued, pointing with the book towards the cavepeople that moment receiving reassurances from the uncomfortable-looking studio runner.

‘And that knowledge has enabled me to compile this.’

O’Singh showed Persil the title of the book: ‘O’Singh’s Caveman-English, English-Caveman Dictionary’.

‘What’s it about?’ asked Persil.

‘Dip inside. It is a translation dictionary.’

Persil prised the book open to a random page. A little bemused, she looked to O’Singh.

’Look here,’ he said, running a finger down entries in what was the English section of the dictionary. ‘For every single English word, we see the definition given as “Ug!”.’

O’Singh turned, feverishly, to other spreads.

‘Here look, for instance, we see “Wine decanter” – “Ug!”; And here a wholly unrelated word: “Parisian”.’

‘“Ug!” again,’ said Persil, reading the translation.

‘The caveman language sounds unsophisticated, but it is actually very efficient.’