Nov 13, 2015

Extract from Chapter 30 of mystery-comedy novel, 'The Investigations of the Para-Usual':

The professor cleared his throat and turned back to the operations board.

‘Dr Pratt and I…’

‘Stop!’ interrupted Persil.

O’Singh appeared startled.

‘Is that a jacket you actually wear?’ she asked, stepping forward to tug at O’Singh’s linen suit jacket.

The professor mumbled something in the affirmative.

‘You know you can’t talk to people looking like that. You’ve got to be packing a leather jacket. Though not one that’s too young for you. That says something about you trying to be something you’re not anymore. Not a good message. Not a good look. And those glasses. Hello?’

‘She has a point doesn’t she, O’Singh?’ said Woo searchingly, keen to keep the non-discussion going.

After a moment’s contemplation, O’Singh cleared his throat again and recommenced. ‘I was explaining what we know…’

‘Uh-ah! Stop! There you go. Why should I care about knowing anything?’ interrupted Persil again. ‘Look at you, prof! Have a good look at yourself. Do you even know how you would come across on television? No-one, I mean “no one” would listen to you.’

‘You couldn’t see yourself caring about knowing anything, Ms Bland?’ said Woo, picking up on Persil’s statement. ‘That’s interesting, isn’t it, O’Singh? – your new assistant not caring about what you are trying to do, discovering everything?’

O’Singh thought about nodding.

‘Because,’ said Woo, slowly, while he thought of a reason why that could be and before O’Singh could answer, ‘because your radical new approach to thinking requires, does it not, that anybody should be able to work out what you do?’

‘Yes, that is quite a truthful statement,’ answered O’Singh, thoughtfully, as if there was some compensation in what Woo said. He grabbed and pulled on his haversack, and swung towards the door.

‘Are you going so soon?’ Woo called out after him.

O’Singh turned ever so briefly with a wan smile and continued on his way.

‘Didn’t I do well to find you an assistant, O’Singh?’ jibed Woo, cheerfully, just as the professor was exiting.

‘I must find my old assistant,’ answered O’Singh, over his shoulder.

‘O’Singh!’ stormed Woo. ‘Bwarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh! Do not defy orders! Do not even think about trying to bring back that Pratt! You hear me? Parp! Patter-patter!’

O’Singh stopped and looked back, about to make a reply.

‘Otherwise you will find yourself joining him, out of a job,’ warned Woo.

O’Singh turned and disappeared, half-spurred on by flight from flatulence.

‘Well,’ said Woo, half to himself, half to Persil – who was regarding him in a transfixed way, rather in the manner of a cameo actor in a horror B movie – ‘our first meeting appears to have gone rather well,’ he continued, reverting to his former sweetness.