Nov 8, 2015

Extract from Chapter 26 of mystery-comedy novel, 'The Investigations of the Para-Usual': 

Dr Pratt stood staring deeply into Woo’s eyes for any signs of betrayal. O’Singh was lost somewhere in his thoughts detached from the altercation.

‘O’Singh, tread carefully. Do not fall into his trap!’ muttered Dr Pratt. ‘Unless, …’ he drawled, in the way one does when one has just grasped something of significance ‘…unless you want to tread so you do fall in.’

‘The what?’ responded O’Singh, incoherently, post-reverie.

‘Take the mouse,’ continued Dr Pratt, enigmatically, pointing at Woo with an outstretched arm, as if he were staying some venomous snake.

‘The small rodent, yes,’ said O’Singh, considering Dr Pratt’s remark.

‘Well they are about average size for a rodent. Not as big as a vole…’

‘Or as small as a shrew. Yes, we are beginning to build a much more accurate sense of where the mouse lies on the rodent spectrum.’

‘Take the mouse as your example,’ reiterated Dr Pratt. ‘It may regard the mousetrap as a mouse WMD, or if it has more the equivalent of human bomb disposal expertise, that trap looks like a decent supply of cheese.’

‘And what do you mean?’ asked O’Singh, simply.

‘I mean let’s go. Source the decent supply of cheese down the airport – down Heathrow.’

‘Metaphorically?’

‘Yes, metaphorically, unless you want to eat cheese at the airport as well.’

‘I could have a cheese sandwich down there. I am peckish.’

‘Well, you might be better advised on a prior purchase. Airports are kinda pricey… but come on, let’s go.’

Woo watched silently as Dr Pratt scooped up his brief case and hurried O’Singh to the door.

‘Or I could have some kind of departure hall cheese snack,’ suggested O’Singh.

‘Have it your way!’ bellowed Woo, Vesuvius-like, at the operatives as they crossed the laboratory threshold.

‘Remember I tried to help!’ thundered Woo, melodramatically from the doorway to the receding figures of O’Singh and Dr Pratt, eating up corridor. ‘Do not go to the airport! Dr Pratt, do not defy me! Come back! You hear me? Don’t say I didn’t warn you!’ he yelled, picking phrases that might constitute a traditional warning.

Dr Pratt waved from just before the turn in the corridor. And they were gone.

‘You will never work in this town…!’ hollered Woo, trailing off at the end of his warning, either because one no longer needs to complete the phrase with the word ‘again’ to get this particular message across, or because he couldn’t be bothered.