Oct 20, 2015

Extract from Chapter 11 of mystery-comedy novel, 'The Investigations of the Para-Usual':

‘We are expanding our knowledge,’ explained Dr Pratt coolly, looking like he was pulling knowledge from his head.

‘Using connections,’ said O’Singh, emphasising ‘connections’ evangelistically. ‘Dr Pratt and I believe we have struck upon something monumental. It is not just about rooting out a para-usual fact here, another there, but connecting them. What we believe we may be doing is embarking on a journey to knowing everything,’ added O’Singh, magnanimously. ‘And to that end, my suspicions are that we could start anywhere, with any subject. And so,’ he said more hurriedly, tapping the board, quelling a protest from Woo, ‘in our recent meet with the Government we happened to start teasing out what is para-usual about kidnapping.’

O’Singh threw a significant look at Dr Pratt, to gesture reassuringly that he had begun to sell the department and the battle to win over Woo.

‘Body snatching was, then, a natural progression in the thought process – the kidnapping of dead people instead of live ones.’

‘Why would I do that?’ interjected Woo. ‘I kidnap a dead person. I say to that dead person’s relatives, hand me over the money else I send you a body part in the post.’

‘Yes?’ said O’Singh, eager to engage Woo.

‘The transaction therefore depends on a body part precious to the owner being allowed to reside with that owner intact, for a stipulated fee. Mostly illegally, I should add.’

‘The ransom is essentially a retaining fee,’ concurred O’Singh.

‘If you will,’ returned Woo, sniffily. ‘What you absolutely fail to recognise is that the bargaining power of the kidnapper is diminished considerably when the owner of the body parts is dead, when he or she – for I do not make sexist assumptions when hypothesising about the gender of dead people –is inconvenienced by the hacking off of an appendage far less than a live one sentimental to the keeping of body parts.’

‘And what outcome do you anticipate?’ enquired O’Singh.

‘The ransom payer has the luxury of refusing to pay while retrieving the entire body of the dead kidnapped person in instalments. The kidnapper, meanwhile, is left out of pocket.’

‘Oh?’

‘Postage and packaging. Especially if the kidnapper has used the more costly same-day delivery service.’