Nov 1, 2015

Extract from Chapter 21 of mystery-comedy novel, 'The Investigations of the Para-Usual':

‘I did a bit of research into this area,’ said O’Singh, warming again to the delayed discussion. ‘You know you have your Snoop Doggy Dogg?’

‘Do you?’ asked Dr Pratt, quite surprised to hear so.

‘Yes, he is one of these rap pop stars, you see. Now we might very well expect a person with such a grandiose appellation to be employed in this type of profession. We are more surprised, on the other hand, to encounter somebody like a Snoop Bob Perkins in Accounts.’

‘Who’s that other chap Matilda listens to?’ responded Dr Pratt. ‘Oh, Prince. You don’t get many Prince’s in the office environment either. You know, just Prince? No surname.’

‘He was that fellow, yes, changed his name to a symbol and from then on nobody was allowed to call him “Prince”. “The Artist Formerly Known as Prince”, I think was how he then asked to be addressed.’

O’Singh turned sideways on to the fresh action to address his colleague.

‘So, here is a thing. Just bear with me please, just a moment,’ said O’Singh, lit up with some notion. ‘In a para-usual scenario we could have a Snoop Bob Perkins delegating work to his secretary.’

“The Secretary Formerly Known as Doris, can you take down a dictation?”’ asked O’Singh, in an Estuary accent, assuming the character of Snoop Bob Perkins.

‘“Bo! The Secretary Formerly Known as Doris!” might be a more fitting greeting for Perkins,’ proposed Dr Pratt.

‘Yes? Bo?’

‘It’s an exuberant expression. A friend of a friend of Matilda’s uses it.’

‘Oh, yes, well let us see how that sounds,’ said O’Singh, clearing his throat, preparing to be Snoop Bob once again. ‘“Bo! The Secretary Formerly Known as Doris, can you take down a dictation?”’

‘Of course Doris ignores him,’ chipped in Dr Pratt.

‘Oh yes?’ replied O’Singh, as himself.

‘The payroll clerk then comes into the office delivering the staff’s payslips,’ continued Dr Pratt.

‘Yes?’ said O’Singh, intrigued.

‘She says “Perkins?” Perkins says “Yes!” She gives him his payslip.’

‘I follow,’ said O’Singh.

‘“Who’s this?” the clerk says – she can’t make out the writing on the slip. “Can’t make out the handwriting,” she says.

‘“That’s mine,” The Secretary Formerly Known as Doris says, snatching the slip.’

‘Of course,’ said O’Singh. ‘The illegible handwriting is not that at all. It’s a squiggle – a symbol of sorts.’