Nov 18, 2015

Extract from Chapter 34 of mystery-comedy novel, 'The Investigations of the Para-Usual':  

‘Professor?’ ventured a strangulated voice.

Weaving his way down the pedestrianised Bow Lane in the City, O’Singh checked the screen of his mobile to identify the caller. Clung to his arm was Persil. She was using the professor to negotiate the counter-flow traffic of city bankers as she absorbed herself in something diverting on her phone.

‘Dr Pratt!’ exclaimed O’Singh, taking the call. ‘You sound a little muffled.’

‘I’m in my dog suit,’ muttered Dr Pratt a.k.a. Fluff.

‘That is good news, I hope,’ said O’Singh. ‘Unless you did not get the job and you just like wearing the suit?’ he said, as much to himself as to Dr Pratt.

‘I got the job,’ announced Fluff, abruptly.

‘Fantastic news,’ said O’Singh, ushering Persil into the porch of the church of St Mary Aldermary to avoid the crowds and the first spots of rain.

‘Fantastic news,’ mimicked Fluff, sarcastically, sat in a quiet moment at the reception desk in the Stalingrad House foyer. He was secreting the landline receiver under one floppy ear hoping not to draw attention to the inappropriate behaviour of a dog engaged in a telephone conversation.

‘A couple of weeks ago I was Head of the Investigations of the Para-Usual, a department striving to re-know human knowledge; today I’m Fluff the dog,’ muttered Fluff. ‘Not even that. I’m Fluff, pretending to be a dog.’

‘It represents a start, Dr Pratt. A new, tentative beginning. We shall think of something,’ said O’Singh, positively, lowering his voice as he entered the church. Something caught his eye as he was about to enter the aisle. He checked himself to contemplate a sign – “Dogs not allowed, except guide dogs” – fixed to the wall.

‘I have been talking to a dog and here is mentioned something about dogs,’ thought O’Singh to himself, but for now thought no more of it. ‘Hello, hello,’ he repeated, but there was no response the other end of the line.

Fluff had dropped his phone as a very rotund man in overalls burst through the revolving doors, pulled up and stood then mid-space, looking about him.

Higgins emerged from his office, lunch bag in hand, and noticing the disorientated workman waddled over to see if he could be of assistance. The workman nodded and mouthed something in return.

‘What?’ said Higgins loudly, working on the hypothesis that you might hear someone better if you shout at them.