Not enough blood.
There was simply not enough. Kai Goodwin could not label his stop-motion film as splatter punk with such little blood. He leaned back from where he crouched over his desk, the vertebrae in his neck and back popping in complaint. Rolling his neck slowly, he stared down at the clay ghoul half-assembled on his desk. His creation, which was slightly longer than his forearm, was a mess of green, brown and gray clay muddled together with arms and legs thicker than its torso. He’d painstakingly attached pinky nail- sized leaves to its fragile limbs, as if bursting through its skin. Clay flesh cut and carved to give the illusion of tree bark. Its fingers and feet stretched out thin to resemble knotted, broken roots.
He smoothed down the newspaper protecting the top of his wooden desk. Luckily, he hadn’t made a mess this time. There was still a glittery, purple stain in his carpet from the glam rock vampire clay figure he had sculpted for a school project. She was a messy design. His tree friend, however, might be his new favorite creature. Most tedious, no doubt, but a fun challenge nonetheless. Its bulging, blood shot eyes gazed at him, its mouth twisted in a silent cry of anguish.
He hesitated a moment. His lamp shone bright and hot on his hands- making them sweat inside the latex gloves. He was hyperaware of the lightbulb buzzing loudly next to his head. It was as if a fly was trapped in his ear drum. If he listened close enough, he could hear a car horn’s muffled blaring. Kai could feel the air in his throat trying to escape but he feared his lungs had lost the momentum to deflate. The clay figure didn’t move but… Its long, black hair seemed to shift, blown in an invisible wind. The eyes stared emptily back at him. Lifeless, still. Something about them felt so familiar. Dread prickled in his stomach before he felt a cool breeze against his cheek. Snapping out of his momentary trance, Kai turned his head to find his window open. His curtains danced lazily as another light breeze brushed against his face. The chill helped his anxiety rumble back to sleep. His gaze slowly fell on the clay creature, its face frozen in terror.
Kai felt ridiculous that something as minuscule as the wind had caused such a sudden rush of fight or flight. That something so innocuous could trigger the memory that was currently slamming against the back of his skull with as much force as an eighteen wheeler. He hummed uncomfortably. His skin itched and felt clammy. The tag on his shirt rubbed against his neck and he wanted nothing more than to crawl out of his body and into a different one. One that didn’t feel like he was constantly being watched. One that didn’t act as if it was cornered by a rabid dog every second of every hour of every day. One that could walk without a limp.
A normal fucking body would be nice
Kai shifted his focus back on the creature. It needed more blood. It was supposed to be in unimaginable agony, with leaves ripping through its flesh as rough bark covered it from head to toe, its fingers breaking and tangling into thin veins of roots. Every fiber of its nervous system was rapidly being hijacked by the unbending wrath of nature. There would be more blood. Kai examined his supplies, using the back of his wrist to push his glasses up. He grabbed the bottle of fake blood he’d purchased from a local oddity shop, not surprised to open it and find it practically empty.
“Damn.” He sighed, seeing if he could squeeze any more out. Barely a drop. Last week’s vampire short film had (predictably) drained his supplies.
Stripping his gloves off, Kai tossed them into his wastebasket and shut off his lamp (he’d made the mistake of leaving it on overnight once and dried one his projects out beyond repair). Kai pulled his Converse on. A little fresh air would do him some good – inhaling paint and glue fumes for several hours could not be good for his brain.
Kai glanced back at his open window. As much as he wanted to close it, he knew he needed to vent his room while he worked. The wind had given the doll a momentary illusion of life yet the stillness of its facial features was deeply unsettling. He cleared his throat. Perhaps it was less the wind that had spooked him; maybe it was the dark eyes and hair of his tree creature. The familiarity. It was possible he’d unconsciously sculpted her after a real person in his life. It wasn’t uncommon for him to draw inspiration from the things, and people, he thought about most. It made sense that the person he thought about most had cozily made a home in his subconscious. Even if that person was no longer alive.
Even if he’d watch them die.
Kai sniffed as he quickly grabbed his bag and all but ran out of his room. He felt the sudden urge to change the clay creature’s look. Make her a red head maybe. Tear out her brown eyes and paste blue ones in their place. Tomorrow, Kai thought to himself, and he jogged down the stairs of his family’s modest, suburban home. His hands were full of energy, dancing along the stairwell as he descended. He was still getting to know the house – they’d moved in only a few months ago following his mom’s promotion. More money meant more rooms. A yard. Typical suburban neighbors who waved when they drove past. Kai’s mother called them polite but Kai noticed how they whispered or cast sideways looks at him. A mixture of pity and apathy etched on their faces. He often felt like someone accused of witchcraft in the town of Salem, his neighbors the protestants ready to throw him in a body of water and watch him drown. He was quite used to it now. It wasn’t just adults who stared and spoke under their breath about him, however. His classmates were just as obvious about their distrust of him.
A part of him would always miss their old home and the walls that watched him and his sisters grow up. Their heights penciled onto the wall by the kitchen. He wondered if the new owners painted over that. Or maybe they kept it. Perhaps they liked getting a small glimpse into another family’s past. Wondering what little Malakai- who, according to that wall would always be 5 ’4- was doing with his life. Perhaps they imagined Kai’s family as close-knit and fiercely loyal to each other. Sometimes, Kai wished to have that blissful ignorance the imaginary residents in their old home had. Kai hoped they painted the kitchen blue.
He ignored family photos lining the wall as he stopped in front of the small table by the door. The little pink dish, a clay sculpture Janine had made in elementary school, that held their keys was overflowing with assorted pens and keys that Kai could not identify. But his- or, Janine and his anyway- keys were not there. Kai tilted his head back and sighed. He stared at the ceiling as if he could see through the plaster and wood into Janine’s room. The keys were probably in her bag.
They’d agreed on only a few rules for sharing Stu (he’d coined the yellow Jeep that after his first celebrity crush, Matthew Lillard who played Stu in the first Scream film- Janine refused to use this name). One: no leaving trash in the car. Two: the last person to drive Stu had to fill the gas tank back up. Three: don’t hide the fucking keys. He wasn’t thrilled about having to share a car with his sister but he didn’t exactly have the money to get his own. He was hoping that his part time job at Kirsten Fowler’s “wellness” bakery would help him save up a bit. Twelve dollars an hour with the occasional tip wasn’t terrible.
But, with having to share a vehicle with Janine, he often had to get a ride from one of his parents or walk. He stood by the door, debating if he really wanted to ask Janine for the keys. It always made her snippy with him. Walking ten minutes into town in the middle of a hellishly hot July seemed much more appealing than a verbal take down. Better for the environment, really.
“Dad, I’m heading into town!” He called, not sure if his father was even home or not. He waited for any form of acknowledgement and nodded when he received none. “Right, love you, byeee!”
He shouldn’t be surprised his father was at work at one p.m on a Wednesday. A cars salesman wasn’t blessed with a summer vacation. Telling his sister that he was leaving felt pointless so he wordlessly reached for the doorknob. He was not even halfway out the door when Janine decided to prove him wrong for once.
“Where are you off to?” Janine hummed as she descended the stairs, wrapped in a fuzzy bathrobe. Her hair was disheveled and eyes lidded with fresh sleep. She halfheartedly covered a yawn with her hand.
“Need more blood.” Kai shrugged.
“Ah, yes… More blood.” She chuckled tiredly, leaning against the banister at the bottom of the stairs. “Are you going into town then? Can you grab me something?”
He pursed his lips in thought before playfully holding his hand out. “20 bucks.”
“Fuck off.” Janine giggled. “A smoothie does not cost $20.”
“Yeah, but there’s a delivery fee.”
Janine shoved his shoulder gently, lips pulled into a soft smile. He hadn’t seen her smile in awhile. At least, not in his direction. His guard was still up. He’d gotten so used to tip-toeing around his own family that just a smile and a few jokes wasn’t enough to make his shoulders relax. The floor around his family was covered with eggshells.
“You’re not walking are you?”
“Well… Someone broke rule number 3. The most important rule if you ask me.”
He expected her to scoff in annoyance but her eyeroll was teasing. The air didn’t feel so heavy. Maybe he could let himself breathe.
“I left them in my purse. I’ll grab them.” Janine offered as she trudged back up the stairs. “I want a mango smoothie! Carter will want the dragonfruit-blueberry one.”
Kai tried not to visibly perk up like a dog hearing the word “treat”. He failed. Carter Fowler, the son of Kai’s boss and Janine’s best friend since third grade, was here more often than not yet he still acted like a celebrity was gracing their humble home. His parents used to refer to Carter as their second son. Luckily, they stopped. Kai didn’t have to feel like a creep for thinking Carter was a little attractive.
“Oh, Carter’s here?” He asked, oh so nonchalantly. But that would mean that Janine had been asleep while Carter was in her room. Huh.
If his sister suspected anything, she didn’t let on. “Not yet. He’ll be here in a few minutes.”
Her voice grew distant as she rounded up the stairs. Kai was happy he had a moment to himself to breathe a sigh of relief. Cool. Janine and Carter weren’t sleeping together. Maybe. Kai unconsciously ran his fingers through his hair and smoothed out his shirt. Of course he was wearing his paint stained and very faded crafting shirt when Carter was visiting. Not like he’d really see much of him though; Janine would cart her friend up to her room for hours and pretend she was an only child.
A pair of keys hitting the back of his head made all thoughts clear his mind. Skull stinging from where a metal moose keychain struck him, he whipped around. His hand cradled the back of his head. Janine covered her mouth to hide her amusement but the way her shoulders shook told him she was silently laughing.
“Ow!"
"I am sooo sorry, Kai! Are you okay?” She breathed, still trying to mask her laugh.
“You could have killed me with your million keychains.” He deadpanned, rubbing his head. At least he didn’t feel any wetness.
Janine, who apparently had brushed her long, black hair at some point, hiccuped a laugh. Kai couldn’t help but chuckle. Even if his head ached, it was nice to be laughing with his sister. Carter told him once that Janine and him had the same breathy, snickering laugh. It was really the only thing he had in common with his twin.
“I’m gonna go now before you throw anything else at me.” Kai huffed softly, picking the keys up from the ground.
“It was an accident. I swear.” Janine held up her right hand. “Don’t forget the smoothies.”
“Mango and then some dragonfruit-blueberry nonsense. I’ll remember. Unless you gave me a concussion.”
“So dramatic.”
Kai grinned as he opened the door and slipped outside only to walk into a wall of thick, sticky heat. He thanked whatever God was above him that Janine had been in a good enough mood to bless him with access to the Jeep and its air conditioning. He unlocked the car, feeling sweat already prickling along his hairline. As he settled into the molten hot leather seats, he started the car and winced as warm air blasted his face. The air made his eyes burn so he quickly lowered the power. Kai took a moment to let Stu cool down, ears perking when he heard a familiar low rattling. He didn’t need to look to know that Carter’s beat up truck was slinking down their street. The rattling grew louder, signaling to Kai that Carter was pulling up in the driveway.
Debating if he should pretend to not notice Carter or if he should wait to greet him, Kai sat frozen in the driver’s seat. He watched Carter put the truck in park and shut the engine off. Even through two windows several feet apart, Kai could tell the other was upset. Carter leaned his head back against his seat, eyes closed. Which meant he was (hopefully) unaware of Kai just sitting and staring at him. Why wasn’t he going inside?
Carter rubbed a hand over his face before fixing hooded eyes on Kai. Oh, he was definitely caught creeping on Carter. Kai cursed, whipping his head around so fast he was surprised his neck didn’t snap. He pretended to fumble through Janine’s collection of CDs- feeling his heart stumble in his chest when he registered Carter watching him from the corner of his eye. He picked a Flyleaf CD without much thought. With a glance over his shoulder, he was about to put the car in reverse when a sharp knock on his window made him jerk in surprise. Kai wasn’t all that shocked to find Carter standing outside his Jeep. Carter’s lips stretched into an amused, lazy grin. Kai’s eyes were trained on the black hoop in the middle of Carter’s lower lip. That was new…
Carter wasn’t new to piercings, though. He had a thick, black hoop hanging from his septum that Kai thought looked both cool and painful. Carter raised a brow before huffing a laugh that Kai couldn’t actually hear. His eyes crinkled and Kai realized he was wearing eyeliner; he wore "guyliner" more often than not but it still made Kai’s throat dry. Carter pointed down, head cocking to the side. Kai’s brain took a few too many seconds to process that Carter was asking him to roll the window down.
“Oh, right.” Kai muttered, pressing the down button. He swallowed thickly. “Hey, Carter.”
Carter smiled, warmer than the stifling air outside. “Hi, Kai. Glad I caught you before you ran away.” He teased.
“You are?” Kai asked, hoping it didn’t come across as suspicious as it felt.
Carter had always been kind to him. He tried to include Kai in trips to the movies or hikes through the woods. He’d been the first person Kai saw when he woke up in a hospital room after the worst night of his life. Carter had sketched silly sharpie doodles on his eye sore of an arm cast and offered to carry his things when he returned to school. He often treated Kai better than his own family.
“I haven’t seen you in a bit.” He shrugged. “Where’re you goin’?”
“Into town. I’ve been bribed with getting you and Janine smoothies.”
Carter brightened, eyes looking wider and more awake. “Oh, aren’t you sweet? Do you… Need someone to hold them or something?”
As much as Kai wanted to say yes, the idea of being alone and in such close proximity to Carter for more than five minutes made his palms sweat against the steering wheel. Kai would say something weird. He always did.
“Thanks but I have to grab some stuff for a project.” Kai hummed as he subtly looked Carter over. How was his all-black outfit not making him melt with sweat?
Carter’s smile twitched with disappointment but he nodded, patting the side of the Jeep. “I should let Janine know I’m here anyways.” He sniffed, slowly stepping back.
When Carter glanced at the house, giving Kai a proper view of the right side of his face, Kai frowned softly. He’d almost missed the bright red mark high on his cheek. He opened his mouth to point it out but Carter must have read his mind.
“Let me give you some cash.” Carter hummed, scratching his nose before reaching for his wallet.
“What? No, no- don’t worry about it-”
“Those fancy smoothies aren’t cheap.” Carter interjected, waving a five dollar bill in his face. “C’mon. Just take it and I will leave you alone.” He said it with a smirk, propping his chin on the window. Kai tried to ignore how close they were. He could count the flecks of green in his vibrantly blue eyes. His dark, long lashes brushed against his cheeks every time he blinked. The upturn of Carter’s eyes often reminded Kai of a cat. Observant, curious and, at times, mischievous. He held Kai’s gaze long enough that he started to wonder if he had paint on his face.
Kai reached out to reluctantly take the bill. “Thanks…”
Kai drummed his fingers on the steering wheel. It’d be nice to have another person with him while he ran errands. Someone to sing bad music out of tune with and walk around town. Kai used to ride in the passenger seat while Janine drove him and Melissa around. Their own chauffeur since Janine was the first to get her license. He used to have two best friends.
Kai hesitated, not missing how neither of them had made a move to leave. He thought about complementing his new piercing. Would that make Carter uncomfortable? Kai had learned pretty quickly not to complement other guys. But Carter stepped back before he could speak.
“Drive safe.” Carter said, his smile crooked as he held his hand up. Had his hands always been so big? And just how many silver rings did he own?
Kai watched him shuffle up to the front door. He put the Jeep in reverse, locking eyes with Carter one last time before he disappeared into the darkness of their house. Carter must have looked back at him. The thought made Kai’s chest tight with optimism. Maybe… Kai pushed the thought away. It wasn’t that he was insecure about his looks; Kai knew guys liked his angular features and lean frame. While he was unsure of how fluid Carter’s sexuality was, Kai would be more surprised if he discovered his twin’s friend was strictly into women (not because of the eyeliner or nail polish, but more so the few times he could have sworn he caught Carter staring at his mouth).
Truly, the only thing really stopping Kai was his sister. Janine. He knew her bond with Carter was deep and forged on years of history. Inside jokes and laughter and shared interests. Janine deserved something nice. Kai didn’t want to fuck up one of the only positive things left in his sister’s life. Kai would be content staying single and messing around with Zachary Webb in his expensive car.
So, he sniffed quietly and reversed out of the driveway. He’d told himself every morning when he woke up and every night before he fell asleep soon. Soon, you will leave Ivy Hills behind. He would go to LA or New York and meet people who knew nothing about him and his family. He wouldn’t be the junky who got his sister killed. He would just be another guy trying to make it in the film industry.
Kai turned the volume knob until he couldn’t anymore. The music was loud enough to make his ears ring but his mind quiet. The third track on Memento Mori, Chasm, blasted through his eardrums. This was Melissa’s favorite song, even if she was too embarrassed to admit it. He could picture her lighting up as soon as she recognized the first cord and leaning over Kai to raise the volume despite Janine insisting the music was too loud to focus on the road. He gripped the steering wheel until his knuckles were white. He eyed the telephone pole and wondered how fast he’d have to be driving to wrap the car around it. But then Janine wouldn’t have a car. All of her CDs would be shattered. Memento Mori would be gone.
Kai couldn’t shake the feeling that he should have just let Carter come with. He could be driving with a hand resting protectively on his knee. Or, as his thoughts became less innocent, maybe he could shiver under the cold brush of metal piercings against his neck. Kai could find a quiet, secluded spot somewhere in the woods and climb into Carter’s lap. Taste those overpriced smoothies on each other’s lips. Kai was curious if his hands were as cold as they looked. Pressing his thighs together, he urged those thoughts to go away. He was eighteen; fantasies like these were normal. That didn’t make him feel like any less of a pervert.
Not to mention, Kai had… Well, he had something already going on with Zachary Webb. It was an undefined something; mainly just hooking up or the occasional private date in Zachary’s ridiculously nice Mercedes-Benz. Kai always felt like his paint covered clothes were far too dirty to touch such pristine leather seats but Zachary insisted he didn’t mind. The car obviously being a gift from Zach’s parents, it was his single act of rebellion against them. Zachry was sweet. He was funny and charming and all the things Kai could ask for in a guy. Zachary was also very much closeted. Though Kai himself had never verbally came out, people just assumed. He never felt the need to correct anyone or to "play it straight".
Kai didn’t mind sneaking around. It had its moments of excitement- of reckless thrill. They snuck through each other’s windows like heartthrobs straight out of an 80’s romance movie. Kai could love Zachary even if he doubted Zachary felt the same. That was how Kai could justify his lingering, unending thoughts of Carter and his new lip piercing. He eyed the passenger seat, wishing, not for the first time and certaintly not the last, it wasn’t empty.