Get a life
By Brian Seabury
It was late at night. I was listening to music and watching clips of old shows and movies that resonated with me. I had once had extremely fast thoughts and couldn’t sleep. It was called bipolar disorder. When it had got bad bad back then , I traveled through my memories just like back then. I had stayed up for a week before being unable to pretend nothing was wrong. At that point, I couldn’t fix whatever was wrong. I then stayed up for a while after that. Right now,Basically I was listening to some romantic music and thought back to moments of cowardice and irrational haphazardness that could be mistaken for courage.
Andy: Hey I was eating that.
A teenage girl giggles. They had been friends a while. She had black hair and she was strong, a bit stronger than the average man. She was incredibly attractive. She threw my lunch in the trash.
It was a nice day. A brick wall could be seen near a large tree surrounded by open space.
I grabbed the lunch from the empty trash can and threw lunchable meat at her. We both threw pieces of the lunch at each other. We then proceeded to fight. It ended with me kicking her in the vagina. Soon after, the next couple of days we talked about life. The kind of things I should remember. The pointlessness of things. Mexican television. She uses weed to fall asleep. I’ve always had to masturbate. The day after that, she invited a friend of hers to have sex with me and her. I really hope the reason I had said no wasn’t that I just wanted to have sex with her. I may also of not been able to. I had developed erectile dysfunction sometime during high school, but it often disappeared and I think it has forever. We will get that to that later.
So I was thinking about that, about my computer, and not having much of a life. I often distracted myself with memories of the past or moments of things I’ve enjoyed. One of my other hobbies was buying computers that couldn’t quite handle games that I run on it but still getting them to work. I kinda of got the feeling from watching pc gamer youtubers that this was frowned upon and that you should also make souped up rigs with ultra settings and stuff like that. Well I finally got one of these laptops, and I hated it. It was an organic 1000 core dna computer and there was nothing it couldn’t do. The enemies in the games I put on it were even optimized for the computer you were using, so I never got to play any of the games because I died instantly.
Well I finally had something I wanted to try. A couple of years back I had used a program to convert video to audio. When I used it, I put a picture of someone from my past through it, because.. Why not? I was never going to see them again. I kind of got the same feeling I got when they were in the room. Sure, people fall in love with celebrities. However, I think there is a feeling you get when someone is in the room. I’m not sure if you get this feeling if there were no sights or smells or sound. I mean, I know something has to let your body know the person is there. Anyway, I believe such a thing exists. I understand that I could be wrong.
Another hobby of mine was to go through medical research. This combined with the video to audio program cured my erectile dysfunction.
So… now that I had dna computer what if I used it to create a person, but there was a problem. Many of the things I did were complete fantasy. I didn’t know why they worked. They could be the result of brain damage. It could be similar to the way syphilis can cause increased sexual desire.
I believed that the only way these sound files worked previously is that they attached to neurons and my neurons emulated what they thought was there. Dna couldn’t do that.
It was time to steal stem cells. No. Actually, there is another way. It would have made for a good story though.
This must likely wouldn’t work since I don’t see why storing neurons in dna would be any different than storing them on the hard drive. Anyway I took photos of neurons and converted them to sound and copied them throughout the hard drive. After that, I used a program I used to talk to the robot to test damage to the computer.
Human: are you okay?
Andy: okay then
Human: how are you?
Andy: I am kinda sad
Human: I am sorry you are sad
Andy: you should have I am kinda sad
Human: say unique sentence
Andy: they is aged data amazement with him.
The computer seemed fine, although it did take a while to boot the program. The harddrive never lost data. The dna harddrive worked the same way as ram used to on a computer. Maybe, this will work. It most likely won’t. Now that I’ve got the harddrive ready. I took an image of a girl I knew a while back. I thought about editing the image with prolactin promotors on her breast. If it worked, the girl when she was generated would very likely be miserable if it spread to the rest of her body. I decided against it. However, I figured if you were going to go with delusions. Go with delusions of grandeur. This way you could have the grandest delusions of all. Anyway prolactin promotors usually deplete dopamine ,one of the chemicals in your brain that gives you a reason for living,.
Well, I was disappointed, and maybe I deserved to be disappointed. Nothing happened. However, someone was wrong. There was deterioration of my ear. I was bleeding. This was basically it.
I didn’t want to see a doctor. I don’t even really know what they’d say.
Andy: Im bleeding from my left ear.
Doctor: It is probably increased intercranial pressure from your persistant erection.
They would probably inject caffeine into my brain, so that is what I did. I converted a photo of caffeine to sound and played it.
It was not a good idea.
I took more prolactin promotors and other anti-pyschotics. I went to sleep. Should I give up? I was considering it. It was rumored that at high frequencies sound produces light but I couldn’t do that. The images I converted to sound were at extremely low frequencies and considered infra-sound. I always made sure to wear headphones when playing them. Infra sound is low frequency sound rumored to damage the body.
I still didn’t understand why my ear was bleeding. This had never happened before. Then, my computer monitor flashed blue. I was playing a song and could still heard the audio so I guess the monitor was broken. Thankfully, this computer had hinges that unsnapped allowing for it to be easily taken apart. If it didn’t, I would’ve had to ask my dad to take it apart and I wasn’t sure what caused the computer to fail. There was spit inside the dna harddrive. Great my computer was broken. I removed the spit.
This just kept getting weirder and weirder. I was crazy so I asked the computer a question.
Human: is there someone inside the computer
Andy: they is aged data amazement with him known it was hypothetical.
“Well that wasn’t helpful. This doesn’t make sense. Nothing happened, but there is spit on the harddrive. My ear is bleeding. There is spit on the harddrive. The warranty is probably voided”, I said.
I decided there was only one thing to do. I needed to go to the moon. If noone was around. I could play the sound file and it wouldn’t harm anyone, including me. Well, as long as I make sure to play the file when I’m off the planet and then come back.