Overall, I think you get us into your steampunk world pretty quick and with some cool and interesting details to make us want to stay. I’m interested to see how the two story lines will intersect and where the story will eventually take us.

I would suggest going through and really sinking your teeth into some of the scenes more. Draw out the little details, the smells, sounds, textures; all of the non-visual stimulus that is so important in shaping how we see the world. For example, I’m really interested in how the foundry smells, and what Angela’s thoughts are on RoseSmith soap; does it live up to the hype?

This is a great start; keep writing!