You've done a great job of setting up the story very succinctly and it reads well. Just one thought about the catheter (as a nurse who has looked after catatonic patients, one of whom was post-partum and died of a massive pulmonary embolism) is none of them were ever catheterised, either during the day or at night time. Not sure if you want to keep that bit or not.

But if you want any tidbits or to run some hospital based stuff by me, please feel free anytime.