Good beginning.
I do suggest you check it over for punctuation and get rid of any unnecessary beginning 'that's.
I look forward to more.
Karlene
Finish up your profile to stay connected with our books.
Your feedback is helpful for us in determining whether to publish a book.
We won't share your individual feedback with the auther.
How interesting is this story to you?
How good is the writing itself?
What other novels is this like? Choose up to three.