This story is great. The tone and mood are very creepy, and the descriptions are excellent. I’m really excited to read more!
The one issue I have is with the internal dialogue. A lot of the time you just state the character’s thoughts or preferences. I think "show, don’t tell" is a good adage for this. Perhaps you could slip in an implication of a piece of character information and allow the audience to figure it out instead. It’s quite solid as it is, though.
