Inebriated space travel is ill advised...

....is what it said on the first page of the Sentient Coalition’s official intergalactic travel manual, which happened to be conveniently wedged under the seat of an incredibly intoxicated alien who just crashed on Earth.

The alien, hereinafter known as Jopp, landed his ship in an abandoned city lot with all the grace of an anvil. After extracting himself from the impact crater, Jopp drunkenly shoved his way through the gathering crowd, a. . .