Father of 2, Husband, Teacher. Author, Editor & Curator of anthologies with the Busan Writing Gr...
Author, Reader, Idiot Savant
Hi, I’m Eloise and I’m here out of curiosity.
Usually you put the name of the person that WRITES a note or letter at the bottom (this would be ’Mummy’ or something. The name of the person it is for (Carra in this case) would go at the top. Otherwise it sounds like Carra wrote a letter to herself!
Sorry we have gone to a different aquarium to handle this but will be back with turtle in a couple of hours please call if you need to Carra
Hear you have made a small mistake. This is called a viewpoint error. It happens a lot in writing. Most of the time you are writing in ’First Person’ as if Carra is telling the story. Here you use ’Third Person’ and talk about Carra as if you are Maddie. This can be confusing for readers. Try and keep ONE viewpoint all the way through.
Carra’s face began to turn red .She was still freezing ,too.
It is a funny fact. Many youngsters wish the were adults already and many adults wish they were children again!
I sighed if only I could be an adult
Wow! this is all very exciting. I like the way you talk about emotions. Action and emotion are very important when writing stories. I also like the explanation about the machine (I am an Engineer so I love machines) perhaps you could include more description about loading the turtle in or the noises the machine makes when its working....
