Is she writing this down as like a diary entry? I like this perspective where you are in the action with her but I am just wondering if it intended to be more like something she is writing in her own diary. "I awoke that morning in May..." might be more like a recap. But I really like the first person perspective and I think it would be a well formed story even without it being something that they are writing down as a history. As in, you are experiencing it with the characters for the first time too.
We came to realize that the boy was dead, at least his brain was. Somehow, though, the spores were keeping his body and heart pumping. His chest was moving but it wasn’t because he needed oxygen.
We came to realize that the boy was dead, at least his brain was. Somehow, though, the spores were keeping his body and heart pumping. His chest was moving but it wasn’t because he needed oxygen.
I totally agree with this comment. It might make it fun for the reader to have room for their own theories so they feel like they are along for the ride rather than being told how it is.
This feels a little repetitive. You could just cut out the "as we knew it was not the same anymore" because the next line is really strong. I really love the way you put it because it makes you wonder how much power humans have over the environment. It made me want to keep reading (which is a good thing for your opening line to do!)
as we knew it was not the same anymore. It changed faster than anyone could stop it.
Author of The Leslie Kim Serials, pre-order book 3 now!
Author of The Leslie Kim Serials, pre-order book 3 now!
