Dave Brumbley commented on an excerpt of Where There is Love

Review this sentence, I think this second "though" was accidental.

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    Dave Brumbley commented on an excerpt of Where There is Love

    than*

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      Dave Brumbley commented on an excerpt of Where There is Love

      The effect of this line is wonderfully powerful. For the first chapter and the first bit of this chapter, we're entirely in Ditie's head and sifting through her lack of memory. This takes us immediately from that to a stratospheric view of the proceedings and places her in a much larger context, with just a few words. It is beautiful. Rock on. (Also, they could be their own paragraph if you wanted them to be, but that's just my suggestion)

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        My first memory. Legend calls it my birth.
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        Dave Brumbley commented on an excerpt of Where There is Love

        Probably should be "up on" not one word. I feel terrible for pointing out tiny details in what is otherwise incredibly beautiful writing, but it's the kind of thing I like for people to point out to me when they find it too. LOVING this entire story so far. 

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