There’s a shift from third person to first person here - was this intended to be italics for this thoughts?
He whirled on his feet and started to stalk away from this man. He had hoped that he may have finally found someone supportive for once. I guess it was a foolish hope, but it won’t stop me from following my dreams. No one is ever going to stop me.
They were supposed to be more brutish and less sarcastic.
They were supposed to be more brutish and less sarcastic.
The bush kept its vow of silence.
The bush kept its vow of silence.
This town was filled with scum, and he was the only one who would make it a better place; after he spent a few minutes looking himself over. He looked damn good.
This town was filled with scum, and he was the only one who would make it a better place; after he spent a few minutes looking himself over. He looked damn good.
Ok, now you have me ridiculously interested in this character and his shift in personality when he adopts his alter-ego.
MONOMAN stood in his stronghold of justice, or his apartment, but he preferred the former description. He beamed at himself in the mirror that showed his majestic awesomeness. He was the best hero in the entire city, also the only one, but again, former description.
