I love when someone can deconstruct a well-loved story and turn it into something new and beautiful. It takes skill and I can’t wait to see what you do with this story!
"When mutiny splits the crew of the multi-generational colony ship Somnambule, Jacob Sicarius seeks to restore order at all costs."
You’ve managed to create another intriguing premise here, though I feel it would work better like this:
"Jacob must restore order when mutiny threatens to divide the crew of the colony ship Somnambule."
I think using words like "must" and "threatens" create more of a sense of urgency. I would also consider changing the name of the ship to something easier to read. If it’s a colony ship then maybe "Prosperity" would be appropriate; you decide. I also think if you’re focusing on one character you should use their name as soon as possible to immediately signal to readers who they’ll be following .
"Jacobmust restore order when mutiny threatens to divide the crew of the colony ship Prosperity."
