O.K. I get it. She is all action, doesn’t waste words and has one heck of a reputation. I fully approve. Nevertheless, ’run’ confuses me. I strongly associate this with pursuit and it automatically demands energetic action. It made me think that she was PURSUING someone IN the tavern (for a moment the poor monk landed in the firing line!). Perhaps using an imperative such as ’leave’ or ’out’ would better express the concept that she wants the tavern empty. Furthermore, keeping it as understated, banal and flat as possible gives the opportunity to then contrast it with the hectic and energetic exit of the patrons. This would really drive home the manner of her reputation with an very big hammer.
Surely the sword is the ’piercer’?
flinging its piercer to one side. Her sword remained lodged in the thick muscle of the lion’s neck
Really? She needs a step up onto the table? I keep picturing her taking powerful leaps through the air!
used it as a step to spring onto the table
Nice, this makes my think of capitulation. The wood had never been intended as a defense and now its so ancient it just can’t be bothered to put up a fight.
Up until this point I had the Grey maiden standing with her back to the broken window. This was purely an assumption. Perhaps include some orientation at an earlier point. For instance, if the description of the hair and the establishment of her identity by the patrons was based on only being able to see her from behind....... This would set her clearly with back to the drinkers facing the window. However, this would also necessarily prevent any description of the scar and the gorgeous eyes........Hmmm tricky.
