Robert Batten followed Borehole Bazaar: A Vow Unbroken
Borehole Bazaar: A Vow Unbroken
Surviving abuse leaves no soul unscathed, and this is especially true of Ptielieren, an elite elvish bodyguard involuntarily integrated into an aversive-heavy culture. Strength can exist absent a ringing victory and weakness does not signify defeat.
Robert Batten commented on an excerpt of Invictus
Wow. I love this aspect of your world.
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    At a time wherein cloning, body modifications and bioengineering were all commonplace, the only thing you could be sure of remaining constant was a person’s Soul. Each had a unique signature, effecting a sort of spiritual fingerprint. It was both a terrifically useful system, and a strangling means of identity control.
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    Robert Batten commented on an excerpt of Invictus
    I think you could probably drop "though" from this sentence and improve the flow.
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      Robert Batten highlighted an excerpt from Invictus
      It was as much an assault on the auditory senses as a visual one though, with thousands of loud
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      Robert Batten commented on an excerpt of Invictus
      I think the structure of this is technically correct, but it still tripped me up the first pass.  I feel like it might be easier to process the aside if you used emdashes instead of commas for "and fellow apprentice."
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        Robert Batten highlighted an excerpt from Invictus
        Kylie’s lab partner, and fellow apprentice, Abby barely even left the lab
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        Slugs. Third floor of a Hydroponics lab, and still slugs. Rows upon rows of cabbages, carrots and peas. All basking under complex lighting and sprinkler systems; laced with all manner of pesticides. And still slugs.
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        Robert Batten highlighted an excerpt from Invictus
        Slugs. Third floor of a Hydroponics lab, and still slugs. Rows upon rows of cabbages, carrots and peas. All basking under complex lighting and sprinkler systems; laced with all manner of pesticides. And still slugs.
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        Robert Batten liked an excerpt from Invictus
        We got talking, she stabbed me, I hit her with a lamp, her guards came in, so I jumped out of the window."
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