I apologize if there's a more direct reply function, but I'm new to the site and cannot find one.
I appreciate the feedback, and am definitely noting your suggestions as things to look at. My only defense at this time is that it's a couple chapters into a rather rough draft. I know it needs a lot of polish, and your criticism is indeed constructive!
As for titles and backstory, I felt it better to showcase Aranda's competence in her initial impression, rather than the chapters of her setting the pre-inciting incident scene.and explaining who everyone is. You might have a point in reducing the number of ways people are referred to in a standalone selection, though.
And yes, Andular's nickname is also Andy; they're twins, and their parents went for theme naming.
I apologize if there's a more direct reply function, but I'm new to the site and cannot find one.
I appreciate the feedback, and am definitely noting your suggestions as things to look at. My only defense at this time is that it's a couple chapters into a rather rough draft. I know it needs a lot of polish, and your criticism is indeed constructive!
As for titles and backstory, I felt it better to showcase Aranda's competence in her initial impression, rather than the chapters of her setting the pre-inciting incident scene.and explaining who everyone is. You might have a point in reducing the number of ways people are referred to in a standalone selection, though.
And yes, Andular's nickname is also Andy; they're twins, and their parents went for theme naming.