Tense goes from present to past and back again. Try to decide which you want to use and stick with it; consistency is key. Otherwise, good story. The tension is real.
After an hour of Driving Lindsay decides to pull over and call Elaine. She needed to know now if they were okay. She just couldn’t wait. The phone rang once and Elaine picked up, “Lindsay, are you okay!?” Elaine sounds worried.
Tense goes from present to past and back again. Try to decide which you want to use and stick with it; consistency is key. Otherwise, good story. The tension is real.