Race to 100 reviews on Amazon!

I even created a graphic for this sh*t so you know I’m serious! Right now we’re at 17 and we’re not stopping ’til 100 you dirty little monkeys!

LEAVE A REVIEW HERE!

Thank you guys for all the support! Get in there with those reviews! Remember you don’t have to write much, just a couple words an a couple stars will do!

XOXO    - Landon

Hi Followers of Monkeys,

Monkey Business is done, published and out in the world. Backers who are getting signed copies should have them by next week at the latest. I want to say thank you one more time for the interest and support. I hope you like the book.

Couple of things. Elan Samuel of theWarblerBooks.com and One fame was kind enough to interview me for his site. I’m not sure when that’s going up but I’ll let you know. Huge thanks to Elan who was a super cool guy whom I hope to talk to again soon. I urge you to go check out theWarblerBooks.com.

I’m also doing a small interview for Inkshares. Not sure when that will be up but I’ll let you know. Monkey Business was the first Quill Publication so if anybody has any questions, thoughts, concerns or jokes feel free to get in touch.

And now for the big ask. Would you consider going to Amazon and leaving a review of Monkey Business? As many authors who are much smarter than me have pointed out, Amazon reviews are crucial to getting your book out there. If you could take a minute and leave one for Monkey Business, that would be radically awesome, borderline superfly.

And if you enjoy the book, please tell someone you know. Or everyone you know. Thank you all!

There it is folks. An actual physical copy of Monkey Business sitting on my actual physical counter top. 261 copies are somewhere in the clutches of UPS right now on their way back to Inkshares HQ where those hard working folks will open them up and ship them to all of you who were good enough to back this project.

I’m so happy and proud to be the first book published under the Quill Imprint of Inkshares, especially given the many and great looking books that are soon to follow. I don’t mean to overstate but it feels like an honor and I hope the book can live up.

You should have all received your ebook files. Whether you intend to enjoy Monkey Business on your favorite eReading device or wait until actual paper is in your hands, I just hope you do enjoy it. I hope it makes you laugh. I hope it makes you glad you invested some of your hard earned dollars. If you do enjoy it you could do one more thing for me that is of vital importance. 

Please leave a review on Amazon by clicking here!

As many of my fellow authors have pointed out Amazon reviews are very important to gaining visibility and growing audience. And all that marketing stuff.

So please, please, please take a moment to leave a review. Please enjoy the book. Thank you for all of your support and I’ll keep you posted as I’m hoping to do a few interviews, giveaways and other promotional stuff in the future.

One last thing. I think the next Quill novel to be released is going to be Jason Pomerance’s Women Like Us. So please go check that book out. Jason is a hell of a nice guy and happens to be a pretty damn good writer!

That’s all for now. I’ll write you guys more later and ask for more favors.

- Landon

Happy Belated Pubday to Monkey Business!

Monkey Business is done. Available for buying. Available for reading. Available for loving. 

I will do a much better update tomorrow but for now I just want to say thank you to everyone who has been kind enough to support this book. Thank you to Inkshares. Thank you to Girl Friday Productions. Thank you to everyone who is getting this update. You’re all the best.

I have signed all your preorder copies and they should be getting to you in about two weeks (maybe sooner!) I was unable to think of a unique quote to write in every single book but I was able to write something different in a lot of them. As a consequence some of you are going to get some pretty weird shit in your books. I hope it makes it a little more special. Here’s one of my favorites:

One of you (and I have no way of knowing who it will be) is getting an actual 4-leaf clover in your book. Because I found one that day and thought it would be a nice gesture. So whoever you are, enjoy that. I hope it brings you luck.

I’ll write again this week with a proper update. Thank you. Hugs and Kisses from me and all those hairy little foul-mouthed monkeys you’ve helped support.

- Landon

Hello Ladies & Gents,

I know I don’t update like I should. It’s a character flaw I’m working on. I spend all my royalty money on therapy. I’ll get better

Here’s the news today! I just got final interior layout files from the absolutely awesomest people ever at Girl Friday Productions and the book looks great. Sexy even. Now all I have to do is send my final cover art over to Inkshares and this sh*t is on like Donkey Kong.

That will be happening today. As soon as I finish writing this update actually. So to celebrate I want to share something I found a couple days ago that I had forgotten existed. This is a sketch I drew almost 15 years ago while the idea for this book was floating around in my head.

I know it might not make a lot of sense since you guys haven’t read the book yet but I thought you might enjoy a little bit of what went on in my brain while I was thinking about this story.

Thank you all so much for following, for preordering, for supporting this book that I really hope brings you some joy this summer.

Thank you!   - Landon

Dearest Annabel,

My love, I must accept the fact that I will never lay eyes on you again. It is a hard truth but it is truth. I will never hold you again. Never taste the sweet nectar that is your kiss. Never walk hand in hand with you in our beautiful spring gardens. Never hold you close in moments of outrageous passion. This realization, more than anything else, has brought me to despair. I need you to know my intentions were pure. If you believe nothing else my dear heart, believe that. My entire life has been dedicated to this project. This impossible dream. I hoped to make a better world for you. A better world for everyone.

But I totally screwed the pooch on this one darling. Like it’s really, really bad. It didn’t work at all. I really thought opening that dimensional portal would be a good idea. Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine freaking monsters would come out. So many monsters. Holy crap.

I can hear them gnawing through the blast doors now. Soon they’ll have me and my life will end in swift and undignified agony. I shall wait for you my dear. Across the river of death in the valley of eternity. I will wait until I can hold you again. If you’ll have me. I fear my wait will be a short one because Ted’s dumb ass left the teleporter turned on. For all I know these foul beasts have already stumbled into it and teleported home. In which case you may already be dead.

In which case… my bad.

Yours forever, Archie

Dear Mr. Sugar Smack,

Firstly, thank you for your business again this tax season. As usual your financial situation presents some unique challenges for myself and the tax codes of our great country. Working with you certainly keeps me on my toes! Accounting, like pimpin’, ain’t easy but I assure you it is necessary.

I am writing to respond to the various inquires you texted last night:

1. I’m sorry to say you may not write off your condom purchases. While I agree it is a necessary piece of safety equipment for your employees, attempting to use it as a tax deduction would be tantamount to admitting that your employees have sex for money, which as we have discussed repeatedly, is illegal.

2. Regarding the medical expenses stemming from the Repetitive Strain Injuries to your “Pimp Hand” you may only write off the amount for the year that exceeds 7.5% of your adjusted gross income. This unfortunately will not apply as you did not exceed that amount.

3. As you know, to write off the $7500 rims for your work vehicle, you need to adequately demonstrate that A: they were a necessary purchase and B: that they significantly increased the value of your business. I think you have achieved this with your extensive spreadsheet on the subject. Thank you for your excellent documentation. Quick question before referencing the depreciation chart, are they spinners?

4. If your pimp chalice is officially recognized by the Vatican, you will be able to write of a percentage of its value next year after you gift it to Rooster. Just be sure to have it appraised by a reputable antiquities dealer and keep a copy of that written documentation.

I think that addresses all of your concerns. If you have any other questions don’t hesitate to contact me.

Respectfully,

Roland Crestfield, C.M.A., C.P.A.

Check out Landon’s novel Monkey Business and share it with your peoples. Coming May 24, 2016 from Quill.

Happy freaking tax day homies.

Here’s the thing Ladies and Gents, 

JF Dubeau and Paul Inman do a podcast called WriteBrain. In one of the recent episodes they interviewed Mr. G Derek Adams, author of Asteroid made of Dragons. Derek said something that struck home with me which was basically, the best way to promote your stuff is to make more stuff. I like that. I’m not great at writing these updates. Or blogging. Or social networking in a constructive way. I just like writing stuff that makes me laugh. In that spirit, I’m just going to share some stuff and I hope you like it. If you like it I hope you’ll check out my book and perhaps share my book. Either way I hope it gives you a laugh.

AND NOW FOR SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT.