Discussion Sign in to Comment Leo Valiquette · Author · added about 2 months ago Hey, Phil. You have a great start here. I am writing this blurb before I’ve even gotten past the third paragraph to give you my immediate gut reaction as a reader looking to be hooked. Have you considered starting with the second paragraph and having the bit were Gaspar notes the colour of the moon come after? "Gaspar’s hands weren’t bound and he wasn’t being restrained." is a powerful way to start.