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Blueberry. Blueberry swisher sweets. She would only get the blueberry flavor. Unless she was smoking with somebody else. With the grace of young deputoubt she reached a slender, tattooed hand out to receive her purchase. Her skin tone was the same kind of brown as the biscuits my grandma makes, a few shades darker than off white, probably a shade lighter than you’re thinking. Yeah she’s light-skinned. The ink and her skin tone complemented the blue and silver aluminum packaging of the cigars.

Her name was Ashley. We grew up together. Lived in the projects. Excuse me, "government-subsidized housing development". But it’s the PJs, for real. We’ve been in the same schools together. Even most of the same classes. We’ve always had a way of finding each other. Life is funny like that sometimes. Ashley had always been a constant in my life when most things changed. We learned how to walk together. She taught me how to ride a bike. This chick would even help me fight my bullies at recess. My very first best friend. Everybody needs an Ashley.

Of course time has a way of making things happen. Rust, erosion, and more importantly movement. Like glaciers in the arctic, tectonic plates and shit. Slow but it gets a lot of distance. The same thing that happens to relationships when you don’t tend them like the gardens they should be treated as. Ashley and I occupied the same space briefly while we waited in line but we were a farcry from the dynamic duo that we used to be. Our circles expanded, evolved, and adapted according to our paths in life. We were still on good terms and spoke when we saw each other. And folks knew better than to fuck with me if Ashley was on sight. In case it’s not painfully obvious, I’ve had a crush on this girl since forever.

She was short. Shorter than me at least and I’m like 5’11" or something. She’s petite. Not a lot of curves to speak of but she carried herself well. Back straight and confident even when her eyes are bleeding slightly. Her all natural afro had the school’s signature Carolina blue dyed in the outer edges to celebrate our graduation later this week. She was the kind of girl that celebrated major events with hairstyle changes. She wasn’t wearing any makeup today so you could see the tiny caramel colored freckles around her nose. And she was wearing shorts so you could see the ones on her legs too. A pink bra strap reached over her shoulder and back into her vintage crop top. I think it’s a crop. I don’t know about women’s fashion.

The buzzing of the dying linoleum light above my head pulled my thoughts away from the internal struggle of trying to figure out what the hell Ashley had on. She flashed a grin at me as she passed. "Punk", she playfully jabbed an elbow into my ribs. Her hazel eyes met my own. I sigh mentally. "Pot head", I reply with a light shove. She tips slightly but she’s not completely off balance. My nostrils flare as I catch the faintest scent of whatever loud she’d been burning in her car. I unintentionally lick my lips as I step forward to pay for my pump. "Hey, lemme get ten dollars on pump six". It’s always pump six. I hear Ashley patting down the cigars behind me followed by the "bing bong" that signaled her exit.

I made my way back to my 06 Pontiac and absent-minded began pumping. Not really paying attention to what was going on around me, I started thumbing through my phone. Status updates, graduation pictures, graduation party pictures, graduation party fight videos, all seemed to be flooding my timeline. Nothing short of anything #classof2016 or #chaseyourdreams2016.

"Hey", my ears perked up at the sound of a familiar voice calling out. I looked up and saw that it was Ashley at the pump next to mine. " Is your mama coming to graduation", she asked. My parents had busted up and divorced when I was really young. I don’t remember a lot of the specifics of it. To be honest I couldn’t care to know. I just know that I stayed with my dad. My mama lives in a different Georgia but she has a job that let’s her travel sometimes. And I’ve had two separate Christmases every year since the split. I don’t care who you are or where you came from, two Christmases is the -.

"Yeah", I answered, " She’s supposed to be bringing grandma. Grandma doesn’t know about the plane yet though".

She giggled. I laughed. Awkward silence. The meter says $5.45.

"What about you", I spoke up," I know Ms. Earnestene is gonna be front and center. What about your ma? Have you heard anything from her yet"? Ms. Earnestene was Ashley’s grandmother. She raised Ashley and practically every other kid in our complex including myself. Ashley’s mom on the other hand was bad news apparently. Drugs, prison, stuff like that. Stereotypical inner-city black mom stuff. Something out of a BET or Tyler Perry movie.

Ashley looked at the ground and shook her head a bit, like she wanted to get the thought out of her head." Nothing", she said flatly, " She’s out there doing what she wants to do. You know. And that’s fine". I nod my head. I don’t know anything. I’ve never had to deal with that and it’s tragic that she does. I guess as long as she’s at peace with it that it’s fine. I should change the subject. The meter is at $8.01 now.

I removed the size 12 converse from my mouth. Just as I opened my mouth she spoke up. "We saw your play", she said, "Me and grandma were having a girls day out. I told her you were playing Robin Hood and she just insisted that we go see you". If I was physically capable of blushing I definitely would’ve been. A bashful grin tugged at either side of my mouth. "She loved it", Ashley continued," The fight scenes scared her a little bit. Those were my favorite parts though. It was nice seeing you in action. All heroic and shit. It’s a side you don’t show that often". Her words hang in the night air, ringing in my ears like wind chimes in a soft breeze. She clears her throat, "And I was brought up thinking Robin Hood always used bows instead of that.....Stick thing...?"

"Quarterstaff", I cut in rolling my eyes, "I wanted a sword so bad. They claimed there wasn’t enough in the budget for another one. I just think they didn’t trust me with one". We share another laugh. My pump stops with a loud clunk. Our brief time together seems to be at an end. It’s always pleasant though. I was moving to place the pump back on it’s rack when I hear Ashley on the the other side, "Hey, hold up. I got something for you". I post myself up against my car, the cool steel hits the back of my legs. She’s in her car and the windows are tinted so I have no idea what she’s doing in there. Some time passes and she springs out of her car and over to me with something in her hand. I instantly know what it is. In one swift motion she slides the object into a pocket on my shorts. "Consider that my graduation gift", she turns on the heels of her feet and heads back to her vehicle. She blows a kiss just before she hops in and I clap my hands over my head as if I’m trying to catch a fly. She flips me off and pulls out of the lot and into the empty streets. On her way to do whatever an Ashley does at 1a.m. on a Monday. I sigh as I watch taillights vanish down the boulevard.

I open my car door and lower myself into the drivers seat. The engine growls to life and the gas light is finally off. Just as I hit the accelerator a slightly sluring male voice comes from the back seat, " Yo, was that Ashley", he asked. I glanced up at my rear view mirror and caught a glimpse of my backseat occupant, Sean, shuffling around. He was still clearly drunk from whatever he’d been drinking at the party I had to come scoop him up from. Now while he may not look like much in his current state, Sean has been my best friend since he moved out here during elementary school. He’s my co-pilot, the Pumba to my Timone. Being the club hopping, alcohol swimming, blunt cheifing machine that he is, he still appreciates me and my introverted ways.

"Yeah, that was Ashley", I replied. Sean was struggling his way into the passengers seat now. I would’ve helped him a little but it’s always interesting to watch drunk Sean navigate. It took a bit but he finally remembered how his motor skills worked. We were riding under streetlights now and I could get a good look at him. Sean is shorter than me. Like, exceptionally short. He has a belly that will sometimes peek out from under his shirts and stretch the shirts that he would borrow from me when he’d drink too much and vomit on his own. Luckily tonight wasn’t one of those nights. So far anyways. He’d just started growing dreads a few months ago so they were still sort of short, stopping at about the middle of his neck.

Sean let out a gnarly burp and I catch wiff just as I hit the button to roll my window down. Apparently he’d been drinking whiskey. "Sooooo....", he says. If there was a lit match in front of his mouth I’m pretty sure I’d catch fire. "So what", I respond. The air flooding through my window was starting to clear the stench. "Whatchu guys talk about?". He’s one of the only people on the planet that knows how I feel about Ashley and he’s been nagging me to go after her for years now. I won’t do it. I’m just.....

" You know. Small talk. Graduation. Shit like that", I turn the radio up a bit in the hopes that he drops the subject until I get him back my house. Sean reaches for the dial and turns the radio back down, "Come on man. It’s senior year. The last week of high school. Our last year of high school. And you won’t even attempt to go after the girl you’ve had feelings for since like, birth. You know, she asks about you whenever we run into each other. She’s feeling you. It’s like, I dunno, destiny or some shit. You won’t get this chance again man". I don’t argue. How can I? Sean may be three sheets in the wind right about now but he was hitting me with fact. And he continued to. "You don’t get out. You don’t socialize outside of school. You’re not living life bro. Honestly I worry about you sometimes man". I chuckle at the thought of Sean spending a shred of thought towards worrying about anything, "Worried about not having anybody to pick your alcoholic ass up at 1 in the morning".

"Nah man, I’m serious. I’m super serious right now. I worry about you just..... Just letting life pass you by. Missing out on experiences and meeting new people, making new friends. And don’t say the Drama club kids count. We both know you don’t consider them anything more than acquaintances or coworkers or whatever the theater term is. You need to expand your network man. Cast a wide net or something. ’Cause when I drop my mixtape-".

"OH MY GOD, HERE WE GO AGAIN WITH THE MIXTAPE LADIES AND GENTLEMEN", I exclaim with my best ringside commentator impression. "I’m just saying", Sean continues without missing a beat," When I blow up, I’m gonna be too busy going on tours to hang out, play video games, and argue with you about comic book shit. You need to get out there and get a life outside of our little bubble".

"Yeah well", I reach for dial again and the speakers begin to thump, "Until then, you’re stuck with me and my antisocial self". The radio was apparently broadcast another graduation party. "This one goes out to the class of 2016", the DJ screamed over the noise of whatever was going on at the club he was performing from. From the first couple of notes Sean and I could already tell what was playing. A certain Rhianna song that you can’t help but dance to. But see, Sean and I have a thing that we do on nights like this when the streets are clear and there aren’t any prying or judgmental eyes to watch us. I slowed the car down to a creep. We glance over at each other to make sure we’re ready. And just as the beat drops we launch ourselves from our seats and out onto the street, leaving the doors wide open as we dance like a couple of idiots along side the car while it creeps forward.

After about ten seconds of that action we reclaimed our seats and continued our drive. "Work work work work ladies. Yeah i see you over there in the back", the DJ came in over the music. I hate that.I like for my DJs to be seen and not heard. Maybe that’s just me, I don’t know. While I’m cursing the DJ for his commentary, Sean is killing the gibberish portion of the song with his own karaoke performance. This is pretty much the way things went until we pulled into the parking lot of my complex

Pops was off tonight and probably sleeping. That my mission a little bit easier. I just need to Sean up to my room as peacefully as possible. Pops only had two rules when it came to Sean and his antics, don’t break anything in his house and if he’s asleep don’t wake him up. Simple right? Very simple. And see, dealing with drunk Sean is like handling a toddler around nap time. You have to be patient and sort of coax amd guide him along. And just like a kid at nap time, once he gets still and quiet he’s out. Let’s see how this goes shall we?

"Why are we stopped", Sean asked. Our jam session reset him to party mode. I’m going to have to disarm that. At this point I’m already out of the car and opening up his door. "We’re home man. Come on", I tug at his arm to get him moving again. While he’s climbing out of the car I go and unlock the front door. I remembered to leave the porch light on this time. The little flaps on the bottom of the door hiss as the door slides open. Now it’s time to coach Sean into the-wait, what the fuck is he doing?

"Yo who’s car is this", he’s peeking into the window of one of our neighbor’s cars. I don’t remember exactly what it was but I know it was expensive and the guy that owned it wasn’t exactly in the most stable state of mind. "Zissa rul nize cah". And I don’t know why I didn’t act sooner than I did. In hindsight I should’ve seen what was about to happen coming. Tired and drunk out of his rational mind, my dear friend Sean ,bless his heart, attempts to open the door to the crazy man’s really expensive car. And of course the alarm goes off. Crazy man is the only one that sets his car alarm in this side of the complex because everyone here pretty much knows each other. But not crazy man.

I dash over and slug Sean in the chest, "The fuck is wrong with you", I say through gritting teeth. "Get in the house. Go. Now. Get". In the midst of me shoeing my best friend into my apart, I look up at my neighbors window and I see a light flick on. This isn’t good. Not a total crisis yet. But just not good. Sean was stumbling his way into the house as quickly as he could I guess. Between me hitting him and the car alarm blasting I imagine he’s fine.

And then he starts gagging. You know that awful sound cats or dogs make before they cough up something? Yeah, imagine that but on a 200 and something pound grown man practically dragging himself across the ground. That’s not the sexiest thing in the world now is it? I certainly didn’t think so. Luckily I’m a planner and had the foresight to predict Sean was going to be puking his brains out at some point. I had a small trashcan placed by the door for just that occasion.

As I shuffled my way back through the doorway into my apartment I could just make out the sounds of a gun being cocked coming from beyond the column of bricks that separated our door from our neighbor’s. I made it inside, and not a moment too soon. Sean had his head down in the small trashcan I had left out for him. I was locking the deadbolt and peeping at our neighbor through the peephole. The patter patter of Sean’s vomit violently hitting the plastic bottom of the trashcan provided excellent musical accompaniment while I watched my neighbor patrol the parking lot with.... "Is that a musket?" I ask aloud. That definitely settles it, this guy is crazy.

For now it looks like the coast is clear as long as we don’t go back outside. Sean was laying sprawled out on the floor, exhausted from throwing up. We still had one more move to make, and that was getting him upstairs and into my room. No problem. I helped him stumble back up to his feet and guided him towards the staircase. He kept the trashcan gripped by the lid. Hopefully he won’t need it anytime soon, we were just about to pass dad’s bedroom door. Of course that’s when Sean starts dry heaving and coughing again. I rushed him down the hall and through the door to my room. It must have been a false alarm because he wasn’t face deep in the trashcan this time. In fact, he was already starting to curl up in his sleeping bag that I had laying out for him. Poor guy, it must be exhausting partying all the time. I wouldn’t know. I’m a pretty straight lace kid. The only thing remotely bad that I’ve ever done in my life is steal manga from the book fair back in middle school. Totally badass I know.

I flipped on a lamp and cleaned up a little behind my temporary roommate. At this point Sean had already crashed and I wasn’t about to smell drunk vomit all night. Plus it’s just gross. I grabbed the trashcan by its side and stealthed my way back downstairs to see if Crazy had went back inside and he had. I trotted across the parking lot to the dumpster and dumped the the trashcan and all of it’s contents inside. Once I was back inside, I went though the back door and placed the trashcan on the porch. I can clean it later. I finally made my way back upstairs and into my room. It’s time for bed. As I was emptying my pockets I came across the gift Ashley had left me with. A swisher rolled up to perfection with crumbes a shade of green I’d never seen slightly falling out of either end and a light blue ribbon tied around it in a bow. I grin and tuck my gift deep in the drawer of my nightstand, flip off the lamp and flop into my bed. I pulled the blankets over my head and smiled to myself, " Our valedictorian rolled a blunt for me".

I dreamt in color, violently and vividly. I normally can’t remember them when I wake up though. Sean shook me awake around 5 or 6 to let me know he was ok to go home and that I’d see him at the bus stop. I just remember swearing at him and rolling back over. A few hours later I woke up to dad blasting George Clinton or something funky while he was going through his morning rituals. He was a great alarm clock. I slumped out of bed and started to get ready for school. After I got cleaned up and dressed I met dad in the kitchen for breakfast before I headed out. Dad and I looked like a before and after picture for some weight loss commercial. He was the before and I was the after. I was picking through a bowl of lucky charms as quickly as I could so I wouldn’t miss the bus. Dad apparently had some errands to run this morning so I couldn’t get the car like I usually do.

We engaged in our usual banter and hourseplay before I gathered my things and set out to the bus stop. Sean was already there with a few of the other guys from the neighborhood. Of course he was wearing one of the thousands of shirts that I’ve let him borrow. " You good", I asked going in for a fist bump. " All good", he replied. I have to give Sean credit, he cleaned up well. You wouldn’t be able to tell he was hung over at all.

The bus pulled up minutes later and we all piled in. Sean and I made our way towards the back where the sound of the bus’ engine and the idle gossip of the "Really loud for no reason" group of girls in the front have way to drill rap, beats, and ciphers. We sat down in our respective seats across the isle from one another and argued about anime and music for the remainder of the ride. I’d look up and out of the windows occasionally and watch the landscape change from projects, abandoned buildings and corner stores to vast fields of tobacco, cotton and cows. We arrived at school early enough to grab breakfast in the cafeteria before we needed to get to homeroom.


My enemy stands before me clad in heavy armor and brandishing a large cleaver, both still stained in the blood of the victims he’d slain before. "Death has come for you Se-an", I declaired as I charged forth drawing my steel and-"Desmond", Ms. Snow called, "Desmond Dupree". I glanced up from the comic I was working on long enough to announce my presence and went back to work. The great thing about being a senior at the end of the year is that you can literally just do what you want within reason. Sean and I spent the rest of the day bumming around in different classes either just hanging out with our classmates or watching movies. Towards the end of the day we ended up in the theater with some of my fellow drama club kids and band geeks.

Se-an and I battled to a stand still. Blood soaked through my armor and onto the grassy field. My enemy was leaning on his weapon, bleeding out from the various wounds I had inflicted upon him. I gathered what little strength I had left and assumed a fighting stance. "This ends here", I proclaimed flicking blood from my blade. Se-an gave a strong hearty laugh. "You’re right my friend", he replied, "It does". He raised a hand and pointed towards the hills behind me. I’d been so engaged in our battle that I hadn’t noticed his men moving in with cannons aimed at my position. They began lighting the fuses and- "Hey", a female voice called out, dragging my attention away from my drawing. I looked up to see Kira, one of the drama club kids. She’s sort of tall especially from my position on the stage floor. Her build was thicker than Ashley’s but she wasn’t out of shape just curvy. Her complexion was a shade or two darker than my own and her dreads stopped just between her shoulder blades. She wasn’t bad on the eyes, I just find her...... Annoying. "What’s up Kiki", I answered with the fakest possible smile on my face. She takes a seat next to me on the stage, way too deep into my personal bubble for me to be comfortable with. "Oh nothing", typical,"You’re always drawing, Dee. What are you drawing today"? I hand her the notebook I’d been sketching in for the past year and watched with halfhearted interest as she flipped through the pages. "Nothing serious", I answered, " Just a little comic I threw together about me and Sean in an alternate universe". She looked genuinely pleased with my illustrations. "You’re such a talented nerd", she said finally with a grin creeping across her face. I wasn’t sure if she was making fun of me or not. I don’t get enough shade thrown my way to notice. Physically shrugging off Kira’s backhanded compliment I turned my attention towards Sean trying to impress some of the girls from band with his nonexistent skills with the quarterstaff I used when I was Robin Hood. He only slapped himself a couple times and the girls were getting a good laugh out of him.

"So", Kira spoke up," I’m having a graduation party this weekend. I was wondering if you’d wanna come". Pass. Hard pass.
"Oh shit. I think I’m scheduled to work extra shifts this weekend Kiki", I lied.
"Oh, you think huh", she was giving me a very skeptical side eye.
"Uh yeah, I’m covering for a guy while he’s out of town", I’m praying she reads between the lines and backs off. I really don’t want to go out and be a social butterfly. "Ok", She replied. She folded my notebook closed and stood up from the stage. "Then I guess I’ll hold on to this until you know for sure", She winked and took off towards the band room. It’s just like I said earlier, she’s annoying. She’d already stolen one of my favorite hoodies because I wouldn’t go to her little Christmas party earlier this year. I swear girls are weird.

I breath heavily as I melt off of my perch on the stage and jog after her. I really want to finish this comic. But I’m not an idiot. Well not entirely anyways. I know the only reason she teases me like this is because she likes me. I’m just not buying what she’s selling, so to speak. I’ve known her for awhile now and I just don’t see us having a productive relationship. Plus she keeps stealing my shit and that’s just not cool.

The rest of the week pretty much went by in the same fashion. Sean actually got better with the staff but I never got my notebook back and I was fine with that I guess. Graduation was finally upon us. The seating arrangement somehow worked out in a way that I ended up sitting right behind Sean. It was Friday night and unseasonably cool for August but North Carolina weather was weird like that. The band had just played us with a performance of All of the Lights and a laser light show to rival the superbowl. Sure it was a bit unconventional but it was awesome. My folks were in the stands celebrating along with everyone else. I just sat in my seat playing with the tassel on my cap, waiting for the whole thing to be over with. I know graduation is a major life goal and whatnot but it just didn’t excite me that much. I was just ready to go grab something to eat with my folks and go home. I didn’t have any idea of what I wanted to do with my life after all this. Which I think is pretty normal for the average 18 year old unless you’re one of those insane people that like to plan your life 40 years in advance. Our principal was on stage now half preaching. I can’t even remember the guy’s name. We’d had a different principal every year now for the past 4 years due to some scandal or another. After what’s his face was done with his turn on the mic he turned things over to our valedictorian, Ashley. Her stage presence was significantly better than our principal’s. She demanded your attention. She definitely had mine.

Clearing her throat before greeting everyone and thanking them for their attendance she began her speech. "You see, you wouldn’t ask why the rose that grew from the concrete had damaged peddles. On the contrary, we would all celebrate its tenacity. We would all love it’s will to reach the sun. Well, we are the roses. This is the concrete. These are my damaged peddles", she pulled the sleeve of her gown up to show her tattoos. The names of her mother and father along with a hena design that went across the back of her hand and onto her forearm. "Don’t ask me why. Ask me how", She pauses for a moment and scans the crowd of graduates and we locked eyes for a second before she smiled and continued," Those were the words of a poet. A one Tupac Shakur. I feel as though his words ring true. I feel like we can all relate to the rose that grew from concrete. In these short 4 years we’ve all grown and evolved into the beautiful, strong and intelligent young men and women you see gathered here before you all tonight. It wasn’t easy for all of us. Life can come at you with challenges that, at times, seem insurmountable. However, we’re all fighters. We are tenacious. Our will to reach the sun has helped us overcome everything in our path up until this point and we’re only getting started. I want to take a second to give you all one final lesson. It’s not a chemistry lesson so nobody has to worry about me burning down the stage. Yes, I’m looking at you Devonte", the audience erupts into laughter. I was actually in the class when that guy started that fire. It was pretty cool, scary but cool. The laughter subsides and Ashley continues. "It is a science lesson though. How many of you are familiar with Quantum mechanics and the theory parallel universes?", I raised my hand with a couple other people,"Ok, so we have a few. Now for those of you that are unfamiliar, allow me to break it down for y’all. There are scientists that theorize that there are an infinite number of universes out there. Each with its own version of you. For example, there’s a version of yourself that took a left at the light instead of a right. And now I’m getting some looks like ’Ashley what are you talking about’. Well I’m saying all of that to say this: Out of the infinite versions of yourself out there, I want you all to keep reaching for the sun and strive to be the best version of yourself that you can possibly be. Never stop learning new things. Never stop growing as a person. Never stop loving the people that you hold dear. Always strive for more. Always push yourself to be better than you were the day before. If we do this then I promise we can all bask in the sun like we’re meant to, my fellow roses. And remember to keep your head up. My name is Ashley Page and it’s been a pleasure speaking to you all tonight". She received a standing ovation as she chucked up the peace sign and exited the stage.

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