I recently went to one of those indoor rock-climbing joints. There are a lot of things that cross your mind as a high school Junior blazes through an insufficient safety briefing and then holds out a borrowed harness for you to step into. 

I’m going to sweat through this shirt. Why didn’t I trim my nails? Is this bra even up to the task? Who am I and what do I do in the world? (Thoughts whir out of control quickly in the insecurity spiral.)

One of the things I found myself thinking about as I stared up that wall studded with multicolored handholds was stamina- figurative and literal. I don’t have a ton of experience with the latter. I’m not a marathon runner or even a 5k walker. But I thought I might have just enough will to get up that wall.

Partway up and approaching the first protruding ledge I found myself stuck. With shaking forearms, gritted teeth, and (as promised) sweat there was a resounding internal “NOPE”. I couldn’t make myself move past this man-made wall jetty. I leaned back because someone said that I could simply “float back to earth” when I needed to. (That high-schooler was a damn liar). My stomach squealed and clawed like a lobster under the lid of a boiling pot. Expletives were uttered. 

Rattled, I sat drinking water and wondering where all this sweat was coming from. There was an 11-year-old girl grappling the wall in front of me, as sure footed as a baby mountain goat. I’ll admit, my first inclination was jealousy. It soon passed into curiosity and I noticed how she was working. 

She wasn’t muscled or tall and she didn’t have spider webs shooting out her wrists. She was careful and thoughtful as she assessed each handhold. She wasn’t self-conscious. I don’t think she even knew anyone else was in that crowded gymnasium. She strategically plotted the course, deliberately placed her hands, and pushed with her legs when needed. It was incredible to watch. And there was a lot I could learn from her.

I eventually got up and over that ledge. I pushed with my legs and didn’t stop until I made it to the top. 

Stamina has also been on my mind these days with regards to this editing and rewriting business. Writing and deleting, deleting and writing, writing and rewriting and then deleting, forever and ever. Amen. If the stamina holds out (I still have some shaking forearms and gritted teeth) I’m hoping to have this current draft wrapped up in October. If it doesn’t, then I’ll regroup and try again for November.

I’ll get up this wall, too. Just you watch :)

 Thanks for everything,

Meghan Godwin