and he had wondered if his life would amount to nothing more, his legacy no more than a story half-told by the blood- and rust-stained armour he would leave behind.
I could be losing something here, but wouldn’t a man that wasn’t of deep pocket be a man who also wasn’t of means? That would make it kind of redundant, wouldn’t it?
He had never been a man of deep thought or pocket, nor had he been a man of means
Ordinarily, I love metaphors and extended metaphor, but I think you have way too many metaphors for one sentence here. If I had to pick just one, I think I’d go with the just the dam one.
There were indeed few left, and fewer still who yet clung to the hope of rescue, of some miraculous dam that would appear to stem the tides of death that had crashed against the shores of Anahor, thundering through the streets, plucking citizens from their lives like so many berries plucked from the branch and tossed carelessly aside, and scouring all sign of life until the very walls stared down at the empty streets below, dark windows and doorways gaping in a twisted mockery of expressions of disbelief and horror at the great tragedy
This in itself could be a great starter sentence. Drums thumped in stark counterpoint to the thudding hearts of the few left barricaded in their homes, awaiting an end to their terror. It might have to be shortened a bit to really catch attention, but it looks good. It’s a really attractive sentence.
Drums that thumped in stark counterpoint to the thudding hearts of the few left barricaded in their homes, awaiting an end to their terror.
Hmm. It’s an interesting way to start a sentence; though, I don’t think I really like the way it starts with "...and." It kinda makes me feel like I’m missing something important.
...and the drums played on, beating a steady pulse that reverberated throughout the dying city.
