Laura says, "Kind of confused by how this house is set up. Stairs usually come down via the front of the house…where he’s sitting." I guess I see your point; I’ll reword it.
She spoke to her mother briefly, and then came through the hallway into the living room.
Laura says, "See, I don’t think he would think about this, just that she was “old.” It’s what kids think about adults, especially parents." Fair enough. I removed the line.
She was maybe forty years old
Everything was tucked in or zipped up.
Laura says, "I wanted these 2 chapters to be more exciting, edgier, Stephen. Again, who is your audience? Younger folks? This is currently a ’nice’ story, but it can be more than that. Can you pick up the pace some? Teenagers “dart” in thought, speech, and action; I want to see more of that."
Laura says, "Watch out. You start a lot of dialogue with OH and other throw-away words which we do use in real life when we talk, but they just clutter written dialogue." Agreed. I edited the sentence to remove the interjection.
