Hi all. Taking a quick time out from enjoying my Labor day weekend to give you an update on what's going on with the book.
First I wanted to address this helpful review from Anthony K. Savage. (Which was in response to my request for feedback. Copy and pasted as is.)
"One definitely start with the ER thing. Its what drew me I'm to read the whole thing. Other than that I only have two minor notes. 1 the fact that it might've been a sniper should either be !ore of ssurprise not of info, or discovered at the hospital around when the moms going to her default response of solving things with money. If you don't understand how important the little girls parents are, the sniper seems out of place. And the other note , only from a continuity stand point . the officers at the hospital are from another precinct, yet right after are referee to as co workers. That just doesn't seem right. Coworkers should be reserved for those from her precinct. Other than that excellent. I wll definitely be placing a pre order when I can if I haven't already. Great job."
Thanks again for the feedback Anthony. After re-reading the 1st chapter I've decided that I need to trash it and start it from scratch. It's lacking in a strong hook to grab the reader and get them invested. Though the characters and events that happen in Chapter 1 are pivotal to the plot, it feels like I may have attempted to cram too much into the beginning.
I wrote a draft that starts with an ER like scene, something like this:
A plastic bag dangled from a hook with blood splattered inside. It fed a tube swollen with red life while a man with blood stained latex gloves tried to desperately stabilize the bleeding. Men and women dressed in white lab coats and scrubs ran alongside a rattling gurney. “Caucasian female, late twenties, multiple gunshots wounds located in the lower abdomen, upper abdomen, and the chest. No sign of an exit wound.”
“Blood pressure is sixty over thirty and dropping,” an alarmed nurse said. The victim’s eyes turned into white eggs before hiding her eyelids.
“Signs of internal bleeding,” the doctor said. “We need to get her to surgery right now.” She watched the unconscious woman slowly turn into a corpse before her eyes. “Stay with me.” She turned to one of the nurses and asked, “What’s her name, is she married?”
“Uhh,” the nurse flipped a paper attached to a clipboard and said, “Cindy Ames, married to a Jonas Ames.”
“Call him.”
Though I liked that it was a much more visually interesting Chapter 1. It wasn't enough content to fill an entire chapter. My girlfriend said to me, "Why don't you post one of your stronger chapters to encourage pre-orders?"
I told her, "If I can't hook readers by the first chapter, then the book is not at the quality level I want it to be."
So I'm working on it. Right now my goal is to finish the rough draft and then go back and start doing my overhauls. Whenever I post something new I'll make sure to update you guys.
Also, I will have new cover artwork for the book soon. The placeholder image I have now is just for the back but it should be equally as awesome.
Take care!
-Wilmar
Hi all. Taking a quick time out from enjoying my Labor day weekend to give you an update on what's going on with the book.
First I wanted to address this helpful review from Anthony K. Savage. (Which was in response to my request for feedback. Copy and pasted as is.)
"One definitely start with the ER thing. Its what drew me I'm to read the whole thing. Other than that I only have two minor notes. 1 the fact that it might've been a sniper should either be !ore of ssurprise not of info, or discovered at the hospital around when the moms going to her default response of solving things with money. If you don't understand how important the little girls parents are, the sniper seems out of place. And the other note , only from a continuity stand point . the officers at the hospital are from another precinct, yet right after are referee to as co workers. That just doesn't seem right. Coworkers should be reserved for those from her precinct. Other than that excellent. I wll definitely be placing a pre order when I can if I haven't already. Great job."
Thanks again for the feedback Anthony. After re-reading the 1st chapter I've decided that I need to trash it and start it from scratch. It's lacking in a strong hook to grab the reader and get them invested. Though the characters and events that happen in Chapter 1 are pivotal to the plot, it feels like I may have attempted to cram too much into the beginning.
I wrote a draft that starts with an ER like scene, something like this:
A plastic bag dangled from a hook with blood splattered inside. It fed a tube swollen with red life while a man with blood stained latex gloves tried to desperately stabilize the bleeding. Men and women dressed in white lab coats and scrubs ran alongside a rattling gurney. “Caucasian female, late twenties, multiple gunshots wounds located in the lower abdomen, upper abdomen, and the chest. No sign of an exit wound.”
“Blood pressure is sixty over thirty and dropping,” an alarmed nurse said. The victim’s eyes turned into white eggs before hiding her eyelids.
“Signs of internal bleeding,” the doctor said. “We need to get her to surgery right now.” She watched the unconscious woman slowly turn into a corpse before her eyes. “Stay with me.” She turned to one of the nurses and asked, “What’s her name, is she married?”
“Uhh,” the nurse flipped a paper attached to a clipboard and said, “Cindy Ames, married to a Jonas Ames.”
“Call him.”
Though I liked that it was a much more visually interesting Chapter 1. It wasn't enough content to fill an entire chapter. My girlfriend said to me, "Why don't you post one of your stronger chapters to encourage pre-orders?"
I told her, "If I can't hook readers by the first chapter, then the book is not at the quality level I want it to be."
So I'm working on it. Right now my goal is to finish the rough draft and then go back and start doing my overhauls. Whenever I post something new I'll make sure to update you guys.
Also, I will have new cover artwork for the book soon. The placeholder image I have now is just for the back but it should be equally as awesome.
Take care!
-Wilmar