Cora, one of the last Sentinels, remains the last line of defense against an unknown enemy laying siege to her planet. Together with a handful of allies, Cora must find a way to protect the one thing this enemy had come to destroy - the humans.
For me, this is where the engine of your story really starts and I get intrigued. I quite like the idea of time travelling causing the symptoms of sickness or alcoholism, which causes further confusion and doubts about the reality of the situations involving the time travel - this seems like a neat device to work with for a book. My advice for your revision though, would be to be sure you don’t bury the engine of your story so much and try to get that time travel bumped up to much earlier in your draft - even if it is just as a teaser or foreshadowing of what is to come. One of the best recent examples of a piece of time travel narrative that gets right down to business, is Rian Johnson’s Looper (a film that I absolutely love for so many reasons). In Looper, Johnson lays all of his cards on the table in relation to how the time travel functions in the first two minutes of the film. I love time travel stories, and can’t wait to see how yours develops!
I felt a sharp breeze flow around me and settle. My body felt exhausted again. When I opened my eyes I wasn’t looking out into my living room but into the vast emptiness of a barn. I doubled over from the dull pain in my stomach. I was trying to piece together where I was and what was going on. What ever happened earlier had happened again. This time I was afraid. That’s right notebook, I was afraid. I had no idea how I got to the place that I didn’t know where. I was in someone’s barn and it still qualified as breaking and entering. No matter the fact that I wanted to be there less than who ever owned the place wanted me there. The dull pain and disorientation lessened as I sat still watching the lines of sunlight pushing through the slatted walls move across the floor. I don’t know how much time had passed but the sensations came rushing back and I found myself sitting on my bedroom floor. What the fuck is happening.
Great job bringing your reader into your world using the senses here Woelf, the visuals are concise and true to life! I love being able to feel the weight of the heat. I wonder only at the use of tenses. His pudgy face should "shone" instead of "shined" with sweat, in order for the tenses to be consistent. I know there might be some debate about this, as it is actually quite common for shined to be used in this way, but I really think it should be shone (sorry for the cheesy and unintentional alliteration). Your writing definitely hooked me. I’m glad I found this book and will follow with interest! - Jeremy
His aviator sunglasses had mirrored lenses and I could see my distorted face in them. The bristles of his mustache glistened with sweat. His pudgy face shined with it. Dark stains circled the armpits of his khaki-colored shirt. With the window open, the heat felt like crushing weight as it forced its way inside the air-conditioned interior.
Book 1. Dark secrets, forbidden love. Time-Travelers, Aeons and even Death himself. This is a blend of Science-fiction & High-Fantasy written in a way that allows the reader to create their own story. A trove of lost history.
