I actually have less comments about the piece than I do about the seemingly negative criticisms. When critiquing to assist other authors, it is ineffective to say something is, ’eh.’ It is useful to say the tone does not match or shifts, and then cite specifics switches or an example of the point being made. For instance, in regards to the repetition of the words choices, I would recommend reading the passages aloud to ensure the tonality of the piece was effective or just to double check the repetition to ensure it was intentional.

I disagree with this comment, but I agree the placement is less effective than the intention. I do like the delineation between the business and the home, which has a emotional quality.